Going to college was something that I always wanted to do, especially after I got offered the opportunity to continue my athletic career. Many do not get this opportunity in the northern part of Arizona by the four corners area. But when some do get the opportunity to leave home, they don't take it. At the time it felt like a great opportunity, but some did not like the idea of me leaving after having most of my enrollment done for another college near home. An example of this would be my boyfriend at the time.
It took some time to convince my boyfriend at the time to let me go to Kansas so that I could run. But in my mind I didn't really care what he thought because I was gonna go to Kansas anyway. When he finally came around to the idea of me leaving, I only had a couple weeks left of summer before it was time for me leave for Kansas. At this point I didn't mind him being clingy and showing me a lot of affection, but I soon grew tired of this because I knew I would miss it when I'm in Kansas. When the time came for me to leave for Kansas, I could not have been more nervous in my life. But I knew I was getting a once in a life time chance. Leaving the place I called home to go on a 12 hour drive was rough, especially since the closer I got to Kansas the more nervous I got. Then the day came for me to check into my dorm.Â
While moving into my dorm room, a couple of older XC girls came to room and said hi to me. I'm a very shy person, so all I could get out was a very quiet hello, and I didn't really remember their names until later on into the check in weekend. But as I got to know the girls and hang out with the rest of team, I knew I was going to be okay in this small town in Kansas. Then the time came for me to say bye to my mom, this was really hard for me, even though I lived in a dorm throughout my high school life. When I said bye to my mom, we were on our way to go get lunch at a nearby town, which help distract me from how I was feeling about my mom leaving in Kansas. But I knew I was going to be in Kansas because I already had 13 friends.Â
But this was only the beginning of how I changed during my first semester of college, next was when classes had started. When classes started it became harder to try and find time to talk to my family and my boyfriend, but I did find time to talk to my boyfriend. We would FaceTime while doing homework and talk on the phone before going to bed. This is how we communicated for the first couple months of freshmen year, but then November came. November was the month I had so much due and I have exams to study for along with my conference meet. After conference I was able to concentrate on school for a bit, which I took to the fullest extent or I at least tried to. I kinda stopped talking to my boyfriend during this time because I was busy and knew I would get distracted if I did talk to him. When I did talk to him, we would both be doing homework with an episode from a series I was watching playing in the background. There would be a couple questions here and there with random statements I learned during class, or a frustrated groan from me when I couldn't figure out a problem on my chemistry homework. Then during Thanksgiving break, I reflected a lot on my relationship and realized that I felt nothing for the boy I thought I loved. Â
I realized that this was something that was sad, but I needed to push through it and hope I was wrong. But I wasn't wrong, and I didn't feel anything towards him. This was when I realized I had changed during my first semester of college and there was no going back. I realized I wasn't as shy as I was in high school, I was able to hold conversations with people in my classes, and I was able to say hello and smile at people when I passed them on my way to class or to the cafe. At the same time I realized that most of the stuff I had in common with my boyfriend while we were in high school, I didn't have in common with him any more. I finally was able to break my shell and become a more talk-able person. This change was something I didn't see myself, but I was proud of it and I didn't want to go back to being the shy girl.Â