At this moment, I have a 15-page paper due in 32 hours and 40 minutes. But who's counting?
It's mostly done... kind of. But that's beside the point.
In that time I'll have to shower, attend two classes, fulfill two hours of research, eat a few times, and get 6 hours of sleep... ish. Yeah ... nothing extremely important going on — the usual. But still, I find I'm overwhelmed by the idea of managing my time.
In high school, I would have considered myself a workaholic. I was by no means the smartest person in my class, nor did I receive the top grades, but I definitely studied a lot — all the time, in fact. I wasn't an athlete and though I was committed to several extracurriculars, I definitely allocated most of my time in the day to homework. I was determined to be academically successful.
Though I'm usually not one for self-praise (if this can even be conisdered self-praise), I must say, I was good at my high school academic routine. I would say I had a good work ethic and good organizational skills. I was able to allocate time well and one way or another I managed to complete my work. There were definitely late nights, don't get me wrong. But in the end, I managed to make out, I think, just as well as everyone else.
That all changed in college. Whereas in high school, I was able to sit down for literally six or seven hours and crank out several assignments, or work exhaustively on a long one, I can't do that anymore.
Only for me, I believe — and I'm not sure if this is popular opinion or not — it had nothing to do with the workload getting heavier and more difficult: it was mostly psychological.
Though it makes sense for college material to be more complex and for there to be more work to complete, I don't struggle with either of these things in principle. It's more about what's going on in my head. My ability to manage my time has hit a roadblock: I genuinely struggle to perform.
Gone are the days when I could sit at my desk and crank out six or seven hours of work at a time.
A large part of it, I think, is structural — that is, my daily routine no longer exists. Every day is different in terms of classes, meetings, extracurriculars and free time, whereas in high school my schedule was more or less consistent.
Awkward breaks between classes and activities in the day make it difficult for me to complete work. What, for example, can be done in one hour of free time? It's like I mentally need the six-hour blocks to be productive, and they are simply nonexistant.
I'm even more convinced the blockage is psychological, because sometimes, late at night, or on a Saturday or Sunday when I do have several hours free to work, I'm unable to do so. It's like I'm not in the mood. I'll be trying to complete an assignment and I'll look up at the clock; I'll try to complete a bit more and then I'll look up again, and a couple hours has gone by. It's like I can't be productive.
In high school, when it wastime to do work, I could crank it out. I never got distracted or unable to push through an assignment. I just did it.
In response to this issue, I would say I'm burnt out, but even I would agree that is a lazy man's argument: I am by no means a superstar student.
My parents tell me I should do yoga to clear my mind — a practice I can maybe apply as I do try to do homework without my mind drifting off.
That said, I agree that a big part of my problem is my ability to focus. Whereas in high school, everyone was — more or less — pushing toward the same goal, and doing the same type of work, life completely changes in college: no one is doing the same thing. There are endless possibilities and I find my mind wanders in millions of directions thinking about many of them. In a similar vein, I realize I am not immune to the common daydream.
Still, I sometimes have to remind myself that I've made it as far as I have — that I need to relax and simply focus on the task at hand. But at the same time, I do need to re-learn how to concentrate and not get distracted in the college setting, with a more disjointed schedule and seemingly less time to be productive.
After all, there is much to get done.