A couple of weeks ago I had a friend who told me that sometimes to be heard we have to speak up. While that was good advice, I couldn't help but think that we shouldn't have to. People should just pay attention to others. I did, so why didn't everybody else?

It's not difficult to read body language or tone. We do it every day. When we notice someone is sitting with their head down on the table, we know that they are tired. When we detect sarcasm, we know our friends are joking. When someone tells us that they got the position they ran for, we hear the joy in their voice. We know how to listen and observe, but why don't we do it?

Why is it easier to ignore someone crying than someone laughing? Why is it easier to ask somebody why they are talking a mile a minute instead of asking them why they're so quiet? Why is it easier to only listen why somebody says something? Why don't we ever listen with our eyes instead of our ears?

That may sound like a stupid question. We don't listen with our eyes. That doesn't make any sense, and yet it does. Listening with your eyes is recognizing that someone isn't being heard, someone is being extra quiet or distant, someone looks sad. Listening isn't always about what is said. It can be about what isn't.

You ever hear the saying the quietest people are the ones with the most to say? Listening with your eyes could tell you that. It's all about the pursing of their lips, the look in their eyes and the way they hold themselves. When you listen with your eyes you pick up on this stuff.

I think the real reason why my friend's advice bothered me is that I felt like it shouldn't always be my responsibility. Why should I have to pay attention to everyone else when they aren't paying attention to me? They should notice that I need to talk. They should notice that I'm feeling sad. They should notice that something is wrong. I notice, so why don't they?

I don't know why they don't listen, but I know why I do. I know what it feels like to believe that no one can hear you. I know what it feels like when nobody listens. I know. And because I know I don't want anybody else to feel the way I did. I listen with my eyes, so nobody else has to go through the same thing.

My challenge to you is to listen with your eyes. Don't just take things at face value. There is always more hiding between the surface. Next time ask your friend what's wrong. Next time notice the kid who sits in the corner that no one ever talks to. Next time don't make it so someone who is never heard has to speak up because that's the last thing they want to do.

Yes, we need to speak up to be heard. But, no, we shouldn't have to.