I have had three knee surgeries in a span of five years, and I dream of being on Broadway one day. Silly right? It makes my heart ache thinking about how I might not be able to live that dream, I’ve dreamed since I was thirteen years old. I knew I wanted to perform when I first saw at my local high school do the show Oklahoma, and then saw Hairspray in theaters with my Mimi. I swear it’s my calling. Yet at age twenty-one, maybe I have a new calling.

I’ve done probably twenty-four shows over the span of eight years. While being a full-time high school student, and then a full-time college student. I did show choir, musicals, one-acts, and straight plays in high school, and proceeded to act in community theatre and a part of the theatre program at the University of Maine.

I’m starting to realize maybe there’s more for me out there. After three knee surgeries, my knee is tired and holding me back. And I am also tired. From torn meniscus before competitions to dislocated knees in the middle of musicals. I am not someone that people can rely upon -on stage. Because whatever happens I never see coming. It just. Happens. I was always that person someone could rely on. On stage and off. I knew the music, I knew most of the choreography and knew what happened next- always.

But after a third knee surgery that didn’t exactly work, I’m starting to realize I’m emotionally and physically tired. I’m mad that I’ve come to this point. I’m mad at myself, I’m mad at my knee, my surgeon… even though he’s done everything he could do as of now. Part of me doesn’t want to get cut open again, but it’s affecting my everyday life.

Nothing can beat the feeling I get on stage. The rush, the feeling of escaping the world around me. Being in this world my cast and friends created, that only we can be a part of. It’s a feeling I long for every day.

As a writer for Odyssey, and a contributing editor for my school’s Odyssey I’ve learned that writing has always been there. Writing has always been my side passion. I’ve always filled notebooks fast and asked my mom for more, even as Christmas presents. I’ve learned during this experience that I love editing, I love photography, and I love writing even more. Maybe this is something I’ll look into job wise when I graduate school.

I will always love acting. I will do community theatre if my knee ends my professional career of theatre. But I will try to Boston or NYC for acting. Maybe for a year. I would regret it if I didn’t. Thirteen-year-old Callaghan would be like, “what the hell are you doing?” So, I won’t let go of acting forever.

But it’s time to be realistic with my future. It’s time to break my own heart, and come to terms with what my future could look like when I graduate instead of just dreaming. Tears have been shed while writing this, but I had to eventually come to terms with this. Doing a Musical on Broadway will always be a dream of mine. But I’m glad to say, there is straight plays on Broadway. And maybe I’ll give that a chance.

It’s just scary to think of something that isn’t theatre. Something that has been all I’ve ever known for eight years. I’ve been lucky for performing on stages I dreamed of, and singing in Downtown Disney. I only know eight-counts, and ponying. I only know how to analyze a script, and how to belt to the back of the auditorium.

Yet maybe it is time to find a new side of Callaghan, and a new chapter of my life.