Holding onto a dead relationship can be the most exhausting thing to do. You contemplate giving up, but also contemplate all of those "what-ifs". What if he is just having a rough moment? What if it is just the alcohol speaking? What if it really was JUST a mistake? But you never think about
What if he ends up being the worst thing that happened to you?
All of the late night screaming fights can come to an end. All of the small heartbreaks that will just end in even bigger ones. All of the holes in the wall from him taking his anger out on it. All of the times he "mistaked" you for that wall. The days you chose not to eat to maybe seem a little skinnier and hopefully get a compliment.
Putting on that fake smile and telling everybody that "everything is perfect", but you are shattered inside. Keeping your mouth shut just to salvage what was left of your reputation. Slowly losing yourself and who you are out of fear of being alone. All of the bruises, tears, embarrassment, lies, and manipulating can come to an end.
It can all come to an end and it needs to.
Those few happy times are not worth it. The emotional damage is not worth it. Nothing is worth sticking in this dangerously draining relationship. He will convince you what he wants you to think time and time again. He will show you what you want to see. And when you think you've seen his bad side.. he will show you his even worst side. A side you never wanted to see from a guy that "loved" you.
Nothing is for sure, but I can promise you this. Once you get out, you will be free and you will be okay. You will learn to be your own individual again.
You will break out of the confines of mental prison cell you locked yourself into.
You will be happy. You will feel true genuine love. You will be able to fill that hole in your heart that he was never able to fill. You will be okay. I promise.