At this point in my life, I honestly feel like I’ve explained why catcalling isn’t a compliment a million times. I’ve even written an article called 7 FAQ's About Catcalling because the subject bothers me so much.
But nothing ever seems to change, and I’ve had enough.
I am furious that catcalling still happens...but more than that, I’m sick of hearing that women don’t know how to take a compliment. That we're just complaining about men “complimenting” us out of the windows of their cars, and we should really be grateful instead.
Compliments make the receiver feel GOOD. Catcalling makes the receiver feel DIRTY, GROSS, UNSAFE, and ASHAMED of their own body.
To illustrate this point, I’ll use some recent examples from my life. In fact, I (like most women) get catcalled so often, these comments were all said in a span of one week.
I know what a compliment is. A compliment is the older man who saw me on a run the other day and said, “You look so strong. Keep it up!” He was being kind to me and cheering me on. Compliments are when someone tells you you are smart, or kind, or pretty, or anything positive.
I know what a compliment isn’t, too. “Lift up your skirt so we can see that fine ass” for example, is not a compliment.
When that one was said, I was on my way downtown in an outfit that I loved and felt confident in, but will now probably never wear again. It was shouted out of the window out of a car. It made me cry. It was not a compliment.
“I’d spank that so hard,” is not a compliment I’d like to hear as I’m headed home from work one Sunday afternoon.
It’s harassment. I felt very unsafe as I was alone and specifically didn't walk into my apartment right away so the person wouldn't know where I lived.
“Come over here so I can tap that,” coming from a complete stranger as I'm walking to a friend's house is catcalling. It is NOT a compliment, and it never will be. Neither will the countless times I’ve been honked at or whistled towards.
I even know the difference (crazy, I know) between catcalling and an inappropriate comment. One day I was walking home from the library carrying a huge stack of books since I love to read.
A man outside my apartment said, “What’s a pretty girl like you doing carrying such large books?”
Was that rude to say? Yes. Was it extremely sexist? Yes. Was it catcalling? No, not at all.
I felt annoyed, but I didn’t feel threatened and I know that the comment was not sexual in nature. So contrary to popular belief, I not only know the difference between catcalling and compliments, but I can also tell problematic comments from catcalling.
All of the catcalling I've stated here were all direct quotes I’ve heard from men in one week, and they are not compliments. People actually say these things to strangers in 2017. It’s insane to me.
But what’s crazier to me is hearing men that I’m close to say that I just, “Don’t know how to take a compliment." I’ve been on this Earth for over 21 years now, so I think I have a solid grasp on what is and what isn’t a compliment.
If women being offended by your sexual harassment (because yes, that's what it is) bothers you, maybe the solution is to not do it, instead of telling us to get over it.
