50 Things You Can Actually Do Today Instead Of Ingesting Laundry Detergent

50 Things You Can Actually Do Today Instead Of Ingesting Laundry Detergent

If you have the sudden urge to eat a Tide Pod, read below.
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America,

Why? Why are you like this? I never thought in a million years I would be sitting here writing an article about things to do other than eating laundry detergent. How did eating tide pods even become a trend? Who even came up with this trend, and is this person okay?

So many questions America.

As a firm believer in eating non-toxic things, here is a list of things you can do instead of eating tides pods.

1. Eat something that won't poison you

Always a good idea to stick with this method when figuring out what you want to eat.

2. Use the detergent to do laundry

Wow, what a crazy concept: using laundry detergent to wash your laundry.

3. Read a book

Put down the pods, and open a good book.

My personal favs: Bossypants by Tina Fey and Yes Please by Amy Poehler (If you like them these are perfect for you!)

4. Watch Netflix

Personal favs: The Office, Stranger Things, Parks and Recreation, Orange Is The New Black, and the list could go on.

5. Go on a run

6. Look at pictures of cute animals


7. Get an oil change

Not the most exciting thing but it's better than eating toxic chemicals.

8. Call your grandparents


If you don't know about the show "The Nanny," you are missing out.

9. Begin a lawn gnome collection

I mean, if it prevents you from joining in on the nonsense that is "The Tide Pod Challenge," then I'm all for it.

10. Adopt a dog

Adopt don't shop, people!!!

11. Donate blood

Just make sure you eat a good meal before, or you'll end up like this ^

12. Go get some coffee with a friend

Caffeine > Detergent

13. Stalk your favorite Kardashian on social media

This could easily go on for a few hours because of the abundance of Insta posts.

14. Hate yourself for stalking your favorite Kardashian on social media

15. Organize your closet

^Literally my closet right now

16. Work on your Jerry Seinfeld impression


"What's the deal with airline food?!"

17. Go to Target

ALWAYS a good idea.

18. Learn a new language

19. Go on a road trip

20. Create some art

21. Check your horoscope

Basic girl: "WOW Tiffany you are such a Scorpio."

22. Do some bird watching

We all have our own idea of fun, right?

23. Learn about the War of 1812

Tap into that ~historical~ side, if that's what it takes to stay away from the detergent.

24. Read some conspiracy theories

I just read one about Avril Lavigne, not actually being Avril Lavigne. It was insane.

25. Clean your air filters

Eh. At least it's something productive.

26. Do some journaling

27. Drink some apple cider vinegar

It will give that same burning sensation that drinking toxic chemicals does.

28. Sign up for online dating

29. Volunteer

We could all do this some more.

30. Take a nap

One of my favorite options.

31. Obsess over Zach Braff

Where all my Scrub fans at?!?!

32. Watch some vines

Cannot stress how good of an idea this is.

See Also: 30 Classic Vines To Awaken Your Once Lifeless Soul

33. Make Vine references to your friends

If you don't get Vine references we can't be friends.

34. Drink some water

2018 is the year of hydration!!

35. Watch all of the Shrek movies

36. Reminisce on your awkward middle school days

So. Many. Silly. Bands.

37. Face your fears

Unless your fear is eating Tide Pods...

38. Pull some weeds

My most hated chore as a child.

39. Do some online shopping

I always put everything I want in my shopping cart and then when I see how insane the total is, I just exit out :')

40. Listen to Justin Bieber's Christmas album


Little Drummer Boy goes HARD on this album.

41. Listen to Gregorian chant

If you're into that.

42. Build a fort

I don't care how old you are, making a fort is fun for all ages.

43. Learn how to play the piano

It's never too late.

44. Knit a sweater for your cat

45. Get a library card

I actually just got one yesterday, and it was riveting.

46. Break into song in public places

High School Musical that sh*t.

Sass level: Zac Efron singing "Bet On It."

47. Reminisce on Miley Cyrus' comeback

Gives me hope that I will eventually turn my life around and stop being a mediocre person.

48. Look at videos of sloths

I am a sloth.

49. Make a garden

Why eat detergent when you can grow some corn???

50. Eat breakfast for dinner

Always a treat.

Cover Image Credit: michaelpaul / Flickr

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10 Abnormally Normal Things About College

Some stuff just doesn't fly in the real world.
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College is a weird, weird place. For whatever reason, the young adults who are supposed to be cultivating their minds with all of the worldly knowledge available to them, seem to get away with quite a bit using the justification "it's college." Even the best students live abnormally while on the alien planet that is a university. So, while to us college students it may just seem like another day, here are ten things that are only normal in college.

1. Straight up theft.

In the future, if I walk into my forty-something-year-old neighbor's home and see a collection of stolen signs, stuff from the local restaurant, and property from the construction site down the road, I would definitely be concerned about the character of my neighbor. However, in college, people proudly display campus signs, traffic cones, or dining hall napkin dispensers that they have impressively commandeered - it's a cheap decoration and a great conversation starter.

2. All-nighters.

Maybe with the exception of parents of little babies, very few people willingly stay up for close to 24 hours on end. In the real world, if a friend came to you and said that they literally did not sleep the previous night, it's completely logical to be worried. On the other hand, when a friend in college says that he was up all night you laugh a little, give him an understanding pat on the back, and walk with him to the coffee line.

3. Atrocious eating habits.

Sometimes you don't have time to eat. Sometimes you order pizza at 2 in the morning. Sometimes you eat three dinners. Sometimes you diet. All I can say, is thank goodness that our metabolisms are decently high at this age.

4. Breaking and entering.

In high school, you hopefully knew everyone who entered your home. After college, hopefully, that's still the case. However, when you live in the middle of thousands of bored college students, people knock at your door, walk into parties, cut through your yard, and stop by without invitation or hesitation. It keeps life fun, but still not normal.

5. Calling mom when stuff goes down.

I really doubt a time will ever come that I don't need to call my mom for guidance on how to do something. But, hopefully the frequency of those calls with go down a little bit post-graduation. Maybe after four years of doing it on my own, I'll know how to fill out government forms, cook real dinners, and get stains out. But for now, I'm going to keep calling while I still can without seeming totally pathetic.

6. Being intoxicated at weird times.

Drunk at noon on a Friday is the quintessence of an alcoholic at any time - unless it's college. Not that this is necessarily a good thing, and it certainly doesn't apply to everyone, but there aren't many other places where people would instantly assume someone is intoxicated if they're acting even a little weird. I've even seen people drink in the library....

7. The messed up dating scene.



There are people who meet the love of their life at college and live happily ever after. They are people who meet the supposed love of their life at college and never talk to them again after Sunday. There are people who use Tinder. Hormones are high, freedom is bountiful, and football players are cute - what else needs to be said?

8. A warped sense of time.

The career I'm pursuing will require me to be at work by 7 am, five days a week. I am fully aware of this. Now, will I enroll in an 8 am next semester? Absolutely not - I'm not a demon. In college, nights often start at 10 p.m., dinners are eaten at 4, and mornings can begin anywhere from 8 to 2. We don't get that whole 9-5 idea.

9. Costumes... for no apparent reason.

High schoolers have a dress code. Adults have dignity. College students have fun. Here, people will wear a corn costume to get on ESPN, a fanny pack to get into a fraternity, or a tutu to match a theme party. Is it actually a weird thing, though? No one even blinks an eye.

10. Insanely close friends.

Name another point in your life when you live with your friends, study with your friends, drive with your friends, eat with your friends, go out with your friends, and even grocery shop with your friends. I'll wait. At college, it's easy for friends to seem like family because you're with them constantly. Love it or hate it, it's weird about college.

So, enjoy this weirdness while you can - it won't last forever!


ALSO SEE:

Uncensored Roommate Confessions!

Cover Image Credit: Matthew Kupfer

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The Top 3 Lifestyle Changes I Made In College

The mistakes I corrected which stood between me and satisfaction.

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2019 has been a year of unparalleled growth for me. In 2018 I could have said the same. I spent extended periods of time analyzing the factors of my life which left me, in some ways, feeling unfulfilled. Here are the top 3 lifestyle changes that I made in college which left me feeling happier than ever.

1. Cut out the toxic people. 

A house is worthless without a solid foundation. The people which you call your friends are largely the foundation for your confidence and social life. Sometimes, we recognize that these people are overall anchors on our psyche; condescending narcissists whose confidence rests on making others feel inadequate. The first step to building self-confidence is to get these people out of your life immediately. Once you solidify this foundation, you will soon realize how pitiful these people are, and growth you had been capable of without them.

2. Do you even lift?

Not only has my physical condition improved from going to the gym, so has my mental strength. As my physical form has improved, my confidence has risen. We have spent millions of years evolving to physically exert ourselves. Our modern lifestyle has left many of us without this crucial key to endorphins and proper brain chemistry; a factor which has promoted never before seen rates of depression and anxiety. Lifting weights have left me feeling better than I can remember, with endorphins and testosterone at an all-time high.

For years, I either avoided the gym or found excuses to stop. The reason I never committed to fitness was largely a lack of interest in self-betterment, but also a feeling of cluelessness in the subject. I recommend utilizing the "Beginner's Health and Fitness Guide" linked here. This guide breaks down fitness in an incredibly easy to understand way. This information is not published by someone trying to sell you something. It was written by input from numerous online fitness enthusiasts and refined for accuracy as well as simplicity. This guide has helped me and many others in online communities start down the road to improved physical and mental health through fitness.

3. Do as much as possible, even when you don't feel like it. 


I squandered years of my short life secluding myself to a comfort bubble. While in college, I have realized that happiness largely rests on occupying yourself with new and real experiences as frequently as possible. Time which would have previously been wasted on my phone, the television, or playing online games was shifted to trying new things. As often as possible, I have pushed myself to undertake activities such as learning to snowboard, grabbing food with people from college whom I had just met, going hiking with strangers and our mutual friend, traveling solo, etc. Pushing myself further from my comfort bubble every day has been exceptionally conducive to not only living life to a greater degree but also decreasing the anxieties which we all experience.


What can you fix in your current life to build the lifestyle you dream of?





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