America,

Why? Why are you like this? I never thought in a million years I would be sitting here writing an article about things to do other than eating laundry detergent. How did eating tide pods even become a trend? Who even came up with this trend, and is this person okay?

So many questions America.

As a firm believer in eating non-toxic things, here is a list of things you can do instead of eating tides pods.

1. Eat something that won't poison you

Always a good idea to stick with this method when figuring out what you want to eat.

2. Use the detergent to do laundry

Wow, what a crazy concept: using laundry detergent to wash your laundry.

3. Read a book

Put down the pods, and open a good book.

My personal favs: Bossypants by Tina Fey and Yes Please by Amy Poehler (If you like them these are perfect for you!)

4. Watch Netflix

Personal favs: The Office, Stranger Things, Parks and Recreation, Orange Is The New Black, and the list could go on.

5. Go on a run

6. Look at pictures of cute animals


7. Get an oil change

Not the most exciting thing but it's better than eating toxic chemicals.

8. Call your grandparents


If you don't know about the show "The Nanny," you are missing out.

9. Begin a lawn gnome collection

I mean, if it prevents you from joining in on the nonsense that is "The Tide Pod Challenge," then I'm all for it.

10. Adopt a dog

Adopt don't shop, people!!!

11. Donate blood

Just make sure you eat a good meal before, or you'll end up like this ^

12. Go get some coffee with a friend

Caffeine > Detergent

13. Stalk your favorite Kardashian on social media

This could easily go on for a few hours because of the abundance of Insta posts.

14. Hate yourself for stalking your favorite Kardashian on social media

15. Organize your closet

^Literally my closet right now

16. Work on your Jerry Seinfeld impression


"What's the deal with airline food?!"

17. Go to Target

ALWAYS a good idea.

18. Learn a new language

19. Go on a road trip

20. Create some art

21. Check your horoscope

Basic girl: "WOW Tiffany you are such a Scorpio."

22. Do some bird watching

We all have our own idea of fun, right?

23. Learn about the War of 1812

Tap into that ~historical~ side, if that's what it takes to stay away from the detergent.

24. Read some conspiracy theories

I just read one about Avril Lavigne, not actually being Avril Lavigne. It was insane.

25. Clean your air filters

Eh. At least it's something productive.

26. Do some journaling

27. Drink some apple cider vinegar

It will give that same burning sensation that drinking toxic chemicals does.

28. Sign up for online dating

29. Volunteer

We could all do this some more.

30. Take a nap

One of my favorite options.

31. Obsess over Zach Braff

Where all my Scrub fans at?!?!

32. Watch some vines

Cannot stress how good of an idea this is.

See Also: 30 Classic Vines To Awaken Your Once Lifeless Soul

33. Make Vine references to your friends

If you don't get Vine references we can't be friends.

34. Drink some water

2018 is the year of hydration!!

35. Watch all of the Shrek movies

36. Reminisce on your awkward middle school days

So. Many. Silly. Bands.

37. Face your fears

Unless your fear is eating Tide Pods...

38. Pull some weeds

My most hated chore as a child.

39. Do some online shopping

I always put everything I want in my shopping cart and then when I see how insane the total is, I just exit out :')

40. Listen to Justin Bieber's Christmas album


Little Drummer Boy goes HARD on this album.

41. Listen to Gregorian chant

If you're into that.

42. Build a fort

I don't care how old you are, making a fort is fun for all ages.

43. Learn how to play the piano

It's never too late.

44. Knit a sweater for your cat

45. Get a library card

I actually just got one yesterday, and it was riveting.

46. Break into song in public places

High School Musical that sh*t.

Sass level: Zac Efron singing "Bet On It."

47. Reminisce on Miley Cyrus' comeback

Gives me hope that I will eventually turn my life around and stop being a mediocre person.

48. Look at videos of sloths

I am a sloth.

49. Make a garden

Why eat detergent when you can grow some corn???

50. Eat breakfast for dinner

Always a treat.