I am not the same person I was when I started college, and that's okay.
Maybe you read that statement and thought "Okay, spill the dirt about your late nights, early mornings, and biggest regrets." I would like to firm that I don't have any regrets, but that is false.
I was a broken freshman in college-- filling voids with people, places, and things. I was trying to make certain people priorities in my life when they couldn't make me a priority in theirs and using energy to help people who wouldn't lift a finger for me. I worked long hours, just to feel like I could be successful at one thing going on in my life. I forced myself to feel secure in an unstable environment.
I was going to a community college when all my friends were going to a university and I was caught up in changing my life when quite frankly I wasn't ready to. I spent two years sorting out friendships, educational goals, and religious goals, but I knew the biggest mistake I could make is to participate in activities that would prolong my route. (keyword: my route. Everyone's path is different). Instead, I turned to my faith as a way of accepting trials and triumphs. With my fair share of trials, I began feeling that the triumphs were few and far between. Being as faithful as I could, I felt like I was desperately begging God for change and growth. I pleaded to feel secure in a stable environment. I did everything to be an ideal Christian-- daily mass, praying the rosary every day and focused on bettering people's life when I felt I was doing the exact opposite for myself. Surprisingly, that is what I am most thankful for because that is exactly what I needed. I spent two years at the feet of our Lord, begging for something that I wasn't ready for.
Sadly, I was the one person who didn't want to believe it. Two years after starting college as a broken freshman, who didn't know what it was like to walk in a place and not know anyone. I began growing wings. He knew I was ready for bigger and better things because it wasn’t on my watch and time frame. I transferred to a University where I saw my life fall into place. Piece by piece, my dirt path became paved by grace. I majored in what I loved, rather than what I thought would lead to success. I took classes that analyzed emotions and people, which were the base of my passion for helping people…and learned many things I wish I'd known before starting college. I found out that "help people" is a real answer to "What do you want to do with the rest of your life?" I started participating in volunteer opportunities that matched my passions, especially children with special needs. I became comfortable in making decisions about my future because it was about me and my future, not what I thought would lead to recognition.
It's simplistic to dream about telling yourself what you know now, but that is who we are: trials, triumphs, and everything in between. It's seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and thinking "pinch me".