Body image is like a puzzle with a missing piece. You don't necessarily feel complete without that piece. So you keep on trying to look for it until you realize that you have been doing so for the past five or six years. That is exactly what my relationship with my body was: confusing, desperate in need of an answer. It's funny to say how when I finally found that piece, it wasn't exactly what I was looking for. But the sad thing is, I can't return that puzzle piece or give it to someone. It is still mine to keep and I have to wait until I can hopefully replace it.
I've always had issues with my body image, growing up. Some days, I would look in the mirror and see myself as too fat or during other days, I would feel chubby. It felt like I was going through an apocalypse, trying to come to terms with the way I looked. The more and more I looked in the mirror, the more helpless I would end up feeling about how I looked. Little did I know that I was going to find the missing piece that I won't like.
And now that I've become even skinnier than I ever wanted, I realize that I am not satisfied with the missing piece to my current body image. I can't help but feel a reverse desperation for my body back then earlier this year. I miss all the curves I had, that are now gone. I didn't know back then that those curves were lifesaving. It was lifesaving to who I was as a person and depicted that I didn't base my life on trying to fit a certain way that the media desired. I miss that secret power I was able to have back then. Now, I have become a normal civilian, who wishes to have superpowers again.
Therefore, it is time to return the missing piece I found and wait for a replacement or a new puzzle entirely. I don't oppose the idea of starting fresh with a new puzzle. Every person's body is a journey and is beautiful in its own way. Because I have already been around the block, I will know how I would go about completing this new puzzle. I would make sure to organize the pieces perfectly so that I don't end up with a missing piece in the end.I would always see inspirational body image quotes on social media and sometimes wonder what caused people to create them. Now I can see why. The thing about our bodies is that it is already an inspiration. We don't need body image to feel inspired, hence why the missing piece in the end didn't and won't ever matter. Every part of our curves or even a scar is like a reminder to love our body for what it always was. Body image is only what we see, it isn't what others around us see. Therefore, there is no point in wanting something that is only based on what we see. If I could change back time, I would do so just so that I can draw a heart on my thigh or one on my stomach to remind that part of my body that it is loved.