The opportunity to comfort a friend comes along far too often and finding the perfect words to say in such moments can prove to be a difficult task. However, there are a few phrases I can assure you need to be wiped away from your empathetic friend hard drive. Trust me, they wont help you anyway.

1. "Why not just try to be happy?"

(Giphy.com)

Really? Oh my Jesus Christ, thank you! You're so smart, no one has ever thought of this amazing idea before! Absolutely genius! No. It's not like someone is upset because they didn't think that there were any other options. Happiness is an incredibly vague concept, and it can be reasonably argued that it's not even a "state" of mind. People don't necessarily get to choose their emotions or how they'll react to feeling their emotions. Happiness isn't a choice, so please, stop acting like it is.

2. "There's starving children in Africa!" or "Other people have it waaay worse than you do."

(Quickmeme.com)

Do you honestly feel any better when you think about how much worse someone else's life is than yours? Do you get happy? Do you complain about your mortgage/rent/crappy landlord/living with your parents at age 30 but then smile as you drive past a homeless person on the corner in stormy weather, dripping wet, with a cardboard sign saying, "homeless vet, need money to eat?" Do you grin when you see news coverage of thousands of innocent people having to leave behind their homes, businesses, lives, belongings, their ancestors' graves to escape terrorist attacks in their country while presidential candidates argue over why we shouldn't help them? Why would this make anyone feel better?

Don't pull that, "No, I used the examples to help them feel more grateful," nonsense as an excuse. Do you want your friend to feel like an ungrateful, worthless POS? Because this is how you make your friend feel like an ungrateful, worthless POS. This statement doesn't translate into "See, look at how great you have it." It looks more like you're saying, "Your problems aren't important and you're a bad person for acting like they are when other people have it worse."

3. "Have you tried praying?"/ "You're not praying hard enough."

(Giphy.com)

As a Christian, I'm going to tell you that this is utter nonsense. Where in the Bible does it specifically state that God is a magical wizard in the sky who grants wishes if you really try hard enough? This doesn't help. Whether your friend is the same faith as you, a different one, or simply isn't religious, this is just counterproductive.

However, I do recall that compassion and understanding bit in the Bible. Try that. Stop brushing off your friend's feelings. When you act like you don't want to deal with their issues, it just makes them seem like a burden. The last thing that anyone needs to feel like in a time of need is that they are a burden. Your redirecting them to an entity basically says, "not only do I want to hear this, but no other human does either." If your friend was truly religious, then they've probably spent a lot of time praying about the issue any way. If they're not, then you're just being annoying and incredibly unhelpful. Your friend either wishes what happened to make them sad never happened or wishes they weren't feeling the way that they're feeling, praying doesn't undo the past or grant instant wishes. It's for showing gratitude and sometimes a way to cope and find comfort. Your friend came to you because they can't find comfort in religion at the moment or at all. Do your job as a friend and not try to brush them aside or distract them with a task.

As cheesy as it sounds, put yourself in their shoes. Would you actually find these statements helpful or hurtful? If your friend trusted you enough to tell you their problems, then they trusted you enough to care. Don't throw it back in their face with comments like these. Sometimes people just need a shoulder to cry on or to talk it out. Some need a friend to hang out with to get their mind off the pain for awhile. Others need some good liquor and one hell of a night on Bourbon Street. Sometimes it doesn't hurt to ask what a person needs to feel better. But doing anything besides making your friends feel comfortable and heard in a time of need is just being a jerk. You may not be able to "fix" the situation and that's understandably frustrating. However, you shouldn't be trying to do a quick "fix" on your friend. You shouldn't be trying to make them feel like they need to be fixed or using emotional duct tape to stop them from leaking out feelings because you either don't want to deal or don't see why it matters. If what was bothering them wasn't serious, then it probably wouldn't be bothering them in the first place. Demeaning their issues makes you seem like you either don't care or don't feel like listening to them anymore.

Now if you're sitting here thinking, "Man, I actually have to sit there and let my very upset friend talk about their problems, not invalidate their issues by passing it off or judging them? So I actually have to show compassion and care about someone besides myself? That's too freaking much, bro," well, that's a great statement because it comes with the realization that you don't deserve friends.