It is difficult to watch those whom you love when they are struggling. It's tricky to figure out what to say, and they don't always want to hear it. Even when you're trying to be helpful, stepping in and trying to give advice or comfort can have the opposite effect. It's hard to know if saying what you feel will spark anger or cause more pain because sometimes the triggers for these emotions can be so random. The most important things are to let those whom you love know you love them and to be honest with them. The thoughts that follow are my honest words to the three people in my life who are suffering the most.
To you who is so full of rage:
I know it’s been hard on you. It’s been hard on all of us, but I think you feel it most because you’re the oldest. I know you have always been in control, and in this you had no control. This, I believe, was for you the hardest challenge. You desperately needed someone to blame, so you chose the one who loved you most. You are angry because your whole world changed, and you didn’t have any say in it. You are angry because people are not who you believed them to be. But being anger will gain you nothing. It was not the fault of the person you blamed, nor was it the fault of the one you didn’t. If you wish to find fault, blame the wind or the waves or the government. Each is just as much at fault as the others. This is the way things turned out, and for better or for worse this is how they will stay. Do not burn bridges which lead to those who have done you no wrong. I promise, when you look back one day, you’ll wish you hadn’t. Be angry for now, if that’s what you need. But please, don’t make it who you are.
To you whose future is uncertain:
I’m sorry this happened to you. Whatever you think, you didn’t deserve it. I know you don’t see it, but you are handling this so well. A weaker person would have given up so much sooner. Whatever you say, you’re not giving up. You get out of bed every morning, as crippling as it is, and you do your job. You live the life you have to live. I am so unbelievably proud of you. That being said, you cannot believe the lies that fill your head. You are not worthless, or pitiable, or unloveable. You deserve a life full of friends and family, and I firmly believe that you will have this. Right now, I recognize that I can never understand. I don’t know what it’s like to be so alone. But I do know that you are doing the best you can, and even though you’re tired, you press on. I know the fear can cloud your hope for the future. Right now, you don’t believe it exists. Don’t give up. You’ve almost reached it.
To you who is too young for this:
You are one of my favorite things about coming home. You are so bright and full of life. The world has thrown you so many curveballs, and you have handled them with grace far beyond your years. Yet I worry that there may be wounds I cannot see. I am not always there, and you don’t always talk to me about things that really matter. It’s hard to be real because that’s when things can really hurt you. It isn’t fair to you to have to change your life so much. But please, don’t be afraid to be real. Don’t be scared of admitting how you really feel. Being vulnerable is not unthinkable. It’s okay to be real.