Thoughts I've Had As An Adopted Kid

Thoughts I've Had As An Adopted Kid

Who and why?
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This past Thursday I celebrated eighteen years of being my moms. Eighteen years of having a family. Eighteen years of being unconditionally loved. I wouldn't change this life for the world, but that doesn't mean I haven't thought about or questioned who and why.

For the longest of time I felt a sense of identity loss, questioning: "who was I really?" and "where did I come from?" As a kid and even now, I still think up what my mother and father might look like and if I have brothers and sisters still in China or others who were adopted. There's so many possibilities, and still after eighteen years I keep coming up with more. My favorite theory is one I dreamed up when I was little, that I come from a lineage of emperors who fell out of power after a great dispute. What little orphan girl wouldn't want to believe that she was royalty. The movie Anastasia gave me such false hope, but it is still one of my favorite movies. However, at this point in my life I think the most probable theory is that I came from a poor shop keeping family who had one to many kids, over the allowed limit, and the truth is I'm okay with that. Who I was or could have been doesn't matter anymore. I have a wonderful life here in America. I have the opportunity to go to school, do what I am passionate about, have a family who loves and supports me, and most importantly I have the ability to go to church and pursue a relationship with God. I am not who I was born from, who the world says I am or who I say I am. I am who God says I am, and that is a child of the one true King.

Another question I have asked myself is why, why was I abandoned? How could one just look at their new born baby and walk away? Why was I not worthy of their love? Even though my adoption day is celebratory and truly a happy occasion, my mind still wanders to these questions, and a big lump rises in my throat. Without fault my heart breaks, and I hate myself for not being good enough. Then the sadness and hurt wash away, and it turns into anger. The thought of abandonment has left we with trust and abandonment issues, a low self-esteem, and the inability to reciprocate the phrase "I love you" back to my mom all the time. Then I am reminded that God loves me unconditionally and has great plans for my life. I needn't worry about the lies and trials the devil throws at me, I just need to trust in my heavenly father. The one who tells me that I am good enough and that I am worthy to be loved.

I still struggle with these questions and still pray for answers, but I have come to peace with who I am and how my story has played out so far. My goal is to live with purpose, and show others who share the same thoughts and questions I have, that they are special and are worth being alive. God gave me my story for a reason, and I choose to use it to inspire and encourage others.

Cover Image Credit: google images

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5 Perks Of Having A Long-Distance Best Friend

The best kind of long-distance relationship.
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Sometimes, people get annoyed when girls refer to multiple people as their "best friend," but they don't understand. We have different types of best friends. There's the going out together best friend, the see each other everyday best friend and the constant, low maintenance best friend.

While I'm lucky enough to have two out of the three at the same school as me, my "low maintenance" best friend goes to college six hours from Baton Rouge.

This type of friend is special because no matter how long you go without talking or seeing each other, you're always insanely close. Even though I miss her daily, having a long-distance best friend has its perks. Here are just a few of them...

1. Getting to see each other is a special event.

Sometimes when you see someone all the time, you take that person and their friendship for granted. When you don't get to see one of your favorite people very often, the times when you're together are truly appreciated.

2. You always have someone to give unbiased advice.

This person knows you best, but they probably don't know the people you're telling them about, so they can give you better advice than anyone else.

3. You always have someone to text and FaceTime.

While there may be hundreds of miles between you, they're also just a phone call away. You know they'll always be there for you even when they can't physically be there.

4. You can plan fun trips to visit each other.

When you can visit each other, you get to meet the people you've heard so much about and experience all the places they love. You get to have your own college experience and, sometimes, theirs, too.

5. You know they will always be a part of your life.

If you can survive going to school in different states, you've both proven that your friendship will last forever. You both care enough to make time for the other in the midst of exams, social events, and homework.

The long-distance best friend is a forever friend. While I wish I could see mine more, I wouldn't trade her for anything.

Cover Image Credit: Just For Laughs-Chicago

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14 Things You Relate To If You Grew Up WithOUT Any Cousins

*GASP* "What, you really don't have any cousins?"

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It always shocks every person who hears me state that I do not have any cousins. For some reason, this is just hard for people to really believe when it's actually not something impossible. I think we are all just so used to large families that it sounds weird when people say that they have no cousins. Yet, it is definitely a potential reality, and actually impossible if each of your parents is the only child to your grandparents.

Here are 14 things that you can relate to if you grew up without any cousins.

1. Nobody believes you when you say that you don't have any cousins

I'm serious, for the tenth time.

2. Your grandparents spoil you

With no other grandchildren to worry about, it's pretty easy to do.

3. You don't understand when people say that cousins are your first best friends

My best friend was my first best friend.

4. You and your siblings are always the youngest people at family events

This was simultaneosuly a good thing and a bad thing.

5. You get all of the attention at holidays

Since you're the youngest one around, then distant relatives are always doting over you.

6. Everything you do is deemed awesome by your extended family because there is nobody to compete with

It's much easier to be praised when you aren't being compared to someone similar to your age.

7. You don't know how to hold babies

You're never around them so why would you?

8. Family photos are pretty easy to coordinate

The less people, the easier.

9. Other family members spoil you just because 

Afterall, you are the only kid around...

10. The family will make comments regarding the potential for you to have a cousin as a justification for why they aren't doing something for you

When you hear, "I can't buy you too much because someday your aunt is going to have kids and I will have to do the same for them" you cringe and just had to know that all of the attention wouldn't last forever.

11. Birthdays are always a big deal

A perk of not having very many to remember.

12. If your parents' siblings own pets, then you refer to the animal as your cousin

Cat cousins, dog cousins, lizard cousins, and fish cousins can be pretty cool, actually.

13. Sometimes you dream of marrying into a big family

This is to ensure that your kids do grow up with cousins.

14. You appreciate the closeness of your tight-knit fam

Maybe the only thing you would miss if you had a big family is the opportunity to develop such close bonds with the few relatives that you do have.

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