College is a weird time in our lives. It is also one of the best times of our lives. We have independence -- a new concept for a lot of us moving away from home for the first time. But with this newfound independence comes a lot of responsibilities that take some getting used to. We have to make ourselves study, make ourselves go to class, make ourselves eat healthy and work out ... the list goes on and on. Personally, none of these things were problems for me in high school because it was expected of my friends and I by our parents, teachers, and frankly, each other. We wanted each other to all be the best versions of ourselves that we could be, and we held one another to a high standard.
I have had people ask me in the past what motivates me to do well in school and be focused on my classes, and as easy as this question sounds I always seem to stumble over the answer. I think that part of the reason I hesitate with my answer is because it was always expected of me to do well. And I expected it of myself. I wasn't working hard and studying to please my parents or my teachers or prove something to my friends; I was doing it because *I* wanted to and *I* saw the value in it. Maybe I was ego-centered about it. Maybe I liked the validation. But the more I reflect on it and see how this drivenness has translated to college, I think that it was because I saw a point in all of it. I saw the point in studying a *ridiculous* amount for my exams and actually reading every novel I got assigned instead of checking the Sparknotes versions. I'm not sure at the time if I knew what the point was in high school, but as I've grown and matured at college and continued to work hard there, I'm starting to understand it. Goals can grow and change, but I've always had some kind of goal. That's what makes me so driven to study, even when I don't want to.
But I've also definitely realized that even though this driven mentality and personality is part of who I am as a person, I doubt I would be that way without the influence of other people. And it doesn't bother me that other people hold me to a high standard because it fuels me to be the best version of myself. I know that if I stumble or struggle, my friends and family are going to help me and pick me up -- even if they don't always seem to expect me to fail at all. I help my friends to be better, and they DEFINITELY help me. They accept me for my slightly neurotic self, and they have the increasingly important job of keeping me sane when everything becomes overwhelming, because things DO get overwhelming! But that never means I give up, or lay down and wait for things to get better. I work through it and know eventually everything is going to be worth it, even if in the moment I have no idea how.