As finals quickly approach, every college student begins to slowly hate their chosen major due to the large amount of tests and projects they have to complete. If you're an English major, the love-hate relationship you have with the major intensifies. In the spirit of finals and the chaos an English major faces every day due to papers and readings, here are 50 thoughts that an English major has in a given day.
1. Ugh, why is my backpack soooo heavy?
2. Oh yeah, I have like four novels, two writing manuals, a planner, a laptop, and three notebooks crammed in there.
3. Wait, the paper is due tomorrow? Crap.
4. Why why why did I choose to write over this topic? I don't even understand what it means.
5. I should really start reading my sources.
6. Why am I learning about Freud in my Intro to English Studies class?! I'm not a psychology major.
7. I mean, I really think the author just wanted the color of the dress to be blue. I don't think it has anything to do with some underlying psychological, confusing hidden meaning. But whatever you say, Professor.
8. Anyone that says English is just reading and writing is wrong, literally English is the study of life. All of it.
9. Where's my coffee?
10. Ten pages, really? I feel like that's just a little excessive considering we have an exam on top of this too.
11. Oh yay, another discussion. So happy I came to class today... not.
12. What are you even saying? How did you get that from the story? You're so wrong.
13. Oh... he's right? Dammit, I'm wrong.
14. I hate Shakespeare. I literally hate him.
15. I should really get started on one of my three research papers due this week.
16. Or start reading one of these novels.
17. Crap, I have to present this?! I'm an English major, I write, not speak.
18. Why can't there be one answer? All I want is a clear answer.
19. Ugh, I should've been a math major. Then I'd get a clear answer.
20. Except I don't understand it. At all.
21. I have no idea if this is right... but as long as I defend it, I should get all of my points.
22. Ha, another joke about how I'm going to be unemployed. So funny.
23. JK, I literally want to kill you.
24. No, I will not edit your paper. I have like five to write myself.
25. Please stop using the wrong form of you're in your texts to me.
26. I need more coffee.
27. Hmmm I wonder if it's too late to switch to business.
28. Really, I could just write a book about my life. That would sell, right?
29. Ha, I wish.
30. No, random person on Facebook, I am not going to be a teacher.
31. Well, if I did become a teacher, at least I'd have salary pay...
32. Nope nope nope, forget that.
33. Wow, I wonder what it's like to have free time.
34. Still haven't started reading that research... oh well. I'll do it later tonight.
35. I'm going to need another pot of coffee to make it through tonight.
36. I really hate myself, why do I procrastinate so much?!
37. Writer's block, we meet again.
38. Wait, how do I cite this again?
39. Thank God for the Purdue OWL, the love of my life.
40. Only 1,000 more words to go!
41. I swear, I'm never procrastinating this badly again.
42. HAHAHAHA that was a funny thought.
43. Brb, going to go kill myself because writer's block again.
44. I really hope this makes sense. I'm way too tired to edit.
45. Hitting the submit button is an almost orgasmic feeling.
46. Yay, bedtime, until we meet again, Microsoft Word.
47. Oh, I just had a great thought for discussion tomorrow. Gotta hold on to it.
48. I wonder if I bring my teacher coffee tomorrow she'll score my paper higher...?
49. Stop thinking you plagiarized. You didn't.
50. At least I hope not.
No matter how much every English major may complain, there's no way that you would ever war to do anything else with your life. So finish your papers, read your novels, prepare for your discussion, and thank God for Spark Notes. You're almost done, and you can go an entire break without cracking open a book (for academic purposes, at least).