Preseason. The most dreaded season of them all. The one and only season you wish to miss. Preseason is where the soreness and pain never leave your body. You are in a constant state of sweat and misery. But hey, you like sports right?
1. If I puke, can I stop?
We all think it. Like… if I puke… Do I get out of this sprint? Because if so...
2. Please, someone steal that whistle
Someone save us and take that whistle. Because whistle blow = sprints. Sprints = tired/annoyed/dead me. So basically whistle blow = tired/annoyed/dead me. I like to be alive and feeling well and not feeling like my legs are about to fall off. I want to steal that whistle and throw it into the ocean. Let the whistle wash up on the shore for some other coach to use to torture his/her players.
3. What happens if we all just don’t sprint
Come on every athlete has thought about that. What would the coach do? The coach can’t bench all of us. So what if we all don’t sprint? The coach can’t make us. What are they going to do? Push on our backs till we run? No. But, even if you do try there will always be that one kid that does run. That one kid that makes everyone else look bad.
4. Is it even humanly possible to sweat this much?
It can’t be. Sweat is pouring out of more holes than I knew I had. I am drenched. Did I just shower? Or did I just walk through a rain storm? Please let me, because it can’t be humanly possible to sweat this much. Like someone prescribe me non-sweating meds please.
5. I hope I roll my ankle
Rolling my ankle won’t keep me out for too long and it is not too serious. You know I might miss a couple of conditioning sessions. You know nothing too major… I mean if I roll my ankle I need to rest it. You know? Don’t want to make it worse.
6. I can barely breathe… yet I have to cheer on my teammates
Yup, I am sprinting and dying. Yet, I have to be positive and cheer on my teammates. Like, come on. I can barely breathe myself. Yet I need to cheer them on otherwise we run again. Goodness, who knew you had to be so multi-talented in soccer.
7. Is it even possible to have this many blisters?
When you’re looking at the bottom of your foot and you can’t find a spot where there isn’t a blister. Like wow. Jeez, thanks cleats! Really love having blisters covering my foot. Oh especially, when I have to do sprints with all these blisters.
8. I think I am going to quit
My couch is looking better and better now. Every sprint that we have to do increases my wanting for a shower, couch, and TV. Like I could be sitting at home watching Netflix instead of sweating on the field miserably.
9. Ugh I just want FOOD
Chipotle anyone? I’ll drive. Let's just get out of here. I can hear my stomach longing for food. That is all it wants. Not be here sweating. It wants some nice food. It wants Chipotle.
10. Water Break?
Please. Water. I am dying. My throat is as dry as the Sahara Desert. Oh, you want me to run fifty more sprints before I have “earned” water. No water is a rite of passage. Water is how one lives. Water is my right!