One of the worst feelings known to humanity is heartbreak.
And while I personally have only experienced one heartbreak, I’m fairly certain that most people would attest to that.
This is something that I find extremely intriguing…heartbreak is not tangible or physical. You can’t see it or touch it, but you can most definitely feel it. It’s just an invisible feeling, nothing but a mere concept, yet it has to power to invoke unbelievable pain. In actuality, it has potential to physically hurt a person. It can feel like someone just punched the air out of you and suddenly you can’t breathe. It can feel like someone shattered your heart into glass shards and you’re cutting your hands trying to pick up the pieces. It can make you sick.
And what exactly is the root cause of most, if not all, heartbreaks?
Love.
A simple word filled with complexity.
When I was younger, my belief was that either you love someone or you don’t. As I got older, I understood it less and less.
I began to realize that love is more than just a definite yes or no. Instead of being black and white, it's pretty much gray area. Love is circumstantial with too many rules, exceptions, loopholes, and complications here and there. It’s not a feeling you could easily pinpoint. You never know what to expect. Love is the wildcard.
I was once told that the heart has reasons that reason itself cannot explain.
And in this day and age, relationships are tricky. Trust is hard to obtain and communication is scarce. Relationships have lost their value and people are afraid of commitment, of being tied down. Nowadays, it’s considered miraculous that couples manage to stay together for years, even though that’s normally supposed to happen.
Emotions are also tricky. One day, you and your significant other could be madly deeply in love, and the next day, he could wake up and think “I don’t love her anymore. I don’t want her anymore. She’s not the one for me.” And then instead of being fixed, the relationship gets thrown away.
Why do relationships end?
Because you wanted more she can give. Because you let the spark burn out. Because you stopped caring. Because you chose the easy way out instead of fighting for her.
This is how you lose her.
Initially in a relationship, there’s that excitement and spark and uncertainty of what the future holds with this new person. However, as time progresses, you get accustomed to her and it becomes a routine in a sense. And with most routines, it becomes automatic and leads to complicity. To put it bluntly, it becomes monotonous. These flames you both once had have died out.
When you start developing feelings for someone and you try to get the girl, you become determined, and put in so much work and effort into chasing her. You persistently continue to chase until you finally get her. And when you do, you think that's where it stops.
But it doesn’t.
You have to keep going as if you’re still trying to be with her.
To quote writer Junot Díaz, "You must love her because many have tried and failed. And she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept."
I know that it can be difficult after a while, but as long as both people give it their all and want to make it work, they will find a way.
Of course it’s going to be easy to end it. It’s going to be easy to find someone new and start over again. Any option is easier than confronting the problem and solving it head on. But will it be rewarding? No. I've seen a lot of relationships fail, but I've also seen some that have succeeded. And there's nothing better than looking at the love of your life with that same amazement and wonder that you felt on the very first day.
I'm not saying you have to go and do grand romantic gestures all the time. I think it's the little things that really matter. People always remember the little things. She always remembers the little things. It's important to keep the spark alive and to rekindle it whenever it starts fading away.
Listen to her. Appreciate her. Love her.
And that is how you'll keep her.