The school year is ending, which means it's exams week, I'm going to be a senior soon and thoughts are just filling me. What's senior year going to be like? Am I ready to be a senior? Will I even get into any colleges? How many teacher recommendations to I need? The questions keep coming, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared.

Senior year is when I just have to worry about grades... and getting into a college. Whoever said it was going to be a chill year was lying to me.

As I'm thinking about what senior year will be like, it made me realize how much my decisions are going to affect, especially now that I need to start preparing for the future. It's scary to think about how my future is going to turn out because it will be my decisions and my priorities that shape it.

One thing that high school taught me and should teach others is that grades are important and friends are just as important, and you need to be able to acknowledge that, but you also need to know which is more important at a given time. When I start prepping for college, I will have to look for a college that will suit me, despite the fact that some of my friends won't go there.

It's so stressful. I need to get a 30 or higher on the ACT, keep studying, practice my instrument and the list goes on. People have such high expectations of me, and it's gotten to the point where I have low expectations for myself. It's not a good thing, but with things the way they are, I can't help myself. I'm constantly worrying about the future, which I know is not a good thing, and it doesn't help that everywhere I go, it's somehow a conversation topic.

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As someone who struggles expressing emotions verbally, I tend to write everything down. And as I'm currently venting, I realize that maybe I'm worrying too much. Yes, I should worry about the whole college thing, but I'm thinking maybe it won't as bad. It took me a while to realize that I'm letting the fear take over. I know that senior year is coming down the path real soon, but I can't control that. I can only prepare for it. I can only control what I'm doing right now. It's the choices I make now that will affect in the future. So, if I do the right thing now, it won't that much of a problem later on.

Yeah, I think it's just the fear talking.

I have hope that senior year won't scare me, despite knowing that it is a step into my future and despite knowing that college is not that far away. Am I ready for it? Maybe. Will I let fear stop me? No, because fear is going to be something that will only hold me back.

On the plus side, I'm not the only one going through this. I have friends who will support me, I have friends and family who have been through this and can ask them for help anytime. I have friends and family who are going through this same thing. This is what's keeping me from giving up. It's nice knowing that you have someone to rely on and someone who can support you willingly.

As I'm realizing a lot of this, I can't help but feel relieved.

Now that it's all out, I'm actually excited. I'm only a year away from graduating, which I know is a long time, but I can't wait. College will be a completely different setting that I'm looking forward to. I see it as a way to learn new things, get new experiences and make new friends. It's a step towards the future that I'm terrified and excited for. It's a lot to take in for me, but it will work out... hopefully.