Let's be real, our moms give the best advice. More advice than I could remember. As much as I wished I could soak it all up and remember every piece of advice she gave me word for word...I couldn't. But there were some that stuck with me from childhood to adulthood, that I hope to pass on to my children some day. 15 pieces of advice, my mom told me growing up...
1. It's okay to be alone
My mom taught me this when I was younger, that I should be okay sitting by myself in my room. I shouldn't have to depend on other people to keep myself entertained or happy. I struggled with that for a while, but now realize how right she was. Alone time is something everyone needs from time to time.
2. You're going to gain friends and you're going to lose friends
As much as I hoped this wasn't going to be true, it was. Growing up, I had so many friends that I was sure I was going to carry with me for the rest of my life. Now being an adult, I have a hand full of friends that make me happier than all the others that left did combined.
3. Take care of yourself before anyone else does
This is a more relationship based one. You need to be able to care for yourself before you can let someone help you. You should never depend on someone to care for you at all times. Are you going to have breaking points where you're going to need help? Absolutely. But you should never NEED someone to care for you.
4. You are your biggest influencer
Both good and bad. When you get in your own head, you are ultimately in control. Nobody else controls your destiny except for you. If you choose to beat yourself up about every little thing, it's going to eat away at you and you're letting it do that. Be strong within yourself and build yourself to be a better person than you were yesterday.
5. Do not waste tears on people who wouldn't bat an eyelash if you needed help
This one grew more true as the years passed. It took me quite some time to understand what this meant. Don't waste tears on someone who doesn't care enough about your well being to stop them from falling.
6. Treat others how you want to be treated, if they abuse that, don't waste your time
My mom was never one to tell me to get revenge, because at the end of the day, that makes you no better than those that did it to you. So when you see the indirect tweets or hear the snarky remarks, flip your hair and walk away. Seeing you hurt only encourages them. Kill them with your happiness.
7. Never let a boy or anyone for that matter, tell you you aren't beautiful
This one was hard growing up, as I always struggled with my image. Being a dancer, that was what we were constantly criticized on. But as an adult, I've learned that, even if I don't like how I look, there's someone out there that thinks I'm the most beautiful girl in the world.
8. Smile and keep your head held high
Your day could be the worst you've ever experienced. You could wanna cry and scream at the world. But you always smile and keep your head held high. Never walk with shame, show the world you are a force to be reckoned with.
9. Don't regret anything in life, learn from it
The biggest thing she always says to me when I make even the smallest of mistakes is, "did you learn from it?" You can't learn without mistakes. Without mistakes, you cannot grow. Don't regret decisions you made in life, because at the end of the day, that took part in what makes you, you.
10. Wear what makes YOU happy and comfortable, you don't have to follow the "what's in"
When I hit junior high, I wanted to wear these obnoxious high-top sneakers that were pink and orange. They were my favorite sneakers and on the first few days of school, I got teased for wearing those and not uggs. I told my mom about it and she asked what shoes I liked better. My response was "but the other girls-" She cut me off and said "that's not what I asked you." When I told her I liked the sneakers better, she said I answered my own question. I shouldn't never sacrifice what I like to match what everyone else is doing. I am my own person.
11. NEVER put someone else's happiness above your own
I still struggle with this. I love making others happy. Especially those I care about. But I learned at the end of the day, if I'm not happy, I can't make others happy. It won't fill the void. I have to do what makes ME happy. If someone doesn't like that, there's the door.
12. Find something you love to do and stick with it
My mom always told me to find something I loved, whether I was good at it or not, and stick with it. Doing things that bore you, is going to lead for a miserable life. If you don't at least most of the time like your job, find a new job. If you don't like a certain activity, don't force yourself to like it. Find what you are passionate for and push yourself to make something true out of it.
13. Have at least one good meal you can cook that you like
I love cooking and it's something I've grown to be good at. But some people aren't good around a kitchen. Something she taught me growing up was to find something I enjoyed eating and at least master cooking that one thing. If I couldn't cook anything else, at least I could cook that and like it.
14. Live your life like nobody else is around but you
The phrase dance like nobody is watching fits with this. Do what you do and don't care what others have to say about it.
15. NOBODY can define who YOU are
She still tells me this to this day as a 21 year old adult. I struggled for years, letting people's words of who I am, take over me. I let their insults become a part of me. It wasn't till a short while ago that I realized she is right. Nobody knows who I am or what goes on in my life, better than I do. Nobody knows exactly how I feel, or exactly how hard I work. The only one that knows about everything that goes on in my life, is me. Nobody else can define who I am, other than myself.
One day, I hope to teach these to my daughter as she grows up. I could never thank my mom enough for teaching me to grow, without hovering in the process. She let me make mistakes. She let me fall and cry on some occasions. But she was always there with a helping hand to pick me back up and brush the tears away. Thank you for your wisdom, your spirit, and most of all, your love.