My best friend worked at our local Pizza Hut for nearly 3 years, and hearing her complain about those customers and "funny" things customers do in general was as funny as it was infuriating and annoying for her. Inspired by my piece "Annoying Things Theater Workers Hear," she sent me this piece, which I added on to. Being a waitress teaches you some things and changes the way you act when you go to eat. Really, working anywhere in the food industry teaches you much more than you would expect. Please, remember that your server is a person, too. And your jokes are not original. We just laugh, nod, and smile, because we could lose our jobs for responding how we would like to.
1. "Oh, we have to pay for this? Haha."
YES. THAT'S NOT FUNNY. IF YOU DON'T PAY I HAVE TO PAY. Is my life a game to you? I get that you're joking, but seriously, it's not funny because nothing is free, otherwise we wouldn't get paid. Working for free does not pay the bills.
2. "Wow. You're a good-looking girl; can you be our waitress?"
Sir, please go somewhere else. That's so rude to me and to the other waitresses working with me. Are they not good-looking enough for you? If I wait on you are you going to continue with the rude commentary? Now no one here wants to wait on you anymore. Good job, you played yourself.
3. "This food/service was bad. No tip for you."
Ok, no one has actually said this to me, but it has happened. A table once left a coworker a note explaining why they didn't tip her. That. Is. BS. Especially when we work our butts off for you and you're mad that the kitchen is slammed and it took a few minutes to get your food out. Do you not understand that most servers make less than $3.00/hour? We live on tips. Literally. No tip means no dinner. Also, if you don't tip us, we will go tell all our coworkers about it and everyone will remember your face. Then when you come in again none of us will want to wait on you, much less give you our best service. Great. You played yourself again.
4. Me: "Sir, what's this?" Customer: "Haha, that's my piggly wiggly card! Will that not cover it?"
Yep, this really happened. Get out of here. Ok, again. NO, that is not funny. You must pay me with real life money, please. Bye. If. You. Don't. Pay. I. Pay. Even if you're just joking to see if I'd notice, you still handed me a fake card and made me run up to the register, notice something was wrong, then awkwardly confront you about it, nervously wondering if I'd still get tipped, then fake laugh at it. Please stop. You're not making my day better. It's not funny. It's not cute.
5. "There's something wrong with my food. Give me new food."
Uh. No. If there is genuinely something wrong, I'm happy to get it fixed for you. But I have literally caught customers lying so that they can get free food and then have an excuse not to tip. Again. Is my life a game to you? Don't go out to eat if you don't want to pay. Glad we have an understanding, see you never.
6. "You don't serve alcohol? I'm leaving."
Fine. I didn't want to wait on drunk people with bad attitudes anyway! Many fast food places have a staff mostly under 18, so it's illegal for us to handle alcohol. Which means our establishment doesn't serve it. Even if you bring your own, I still can't touch it. But don't bring it at all. Get over it, dude. Drink when you get home or go to a bar.