Things You Can Do Instead of Insulting Brock Turner

Things You Can Do Instead of Insulting Brock Turner

If they cannot say "yes" (unconscious, say?), hesitate, say "maybe later", or say no, that means no. That just means no. Sorry.

Unless you've been living under a rock (or just don't spend a lot of time on social media, that works too), you know about what occurred at Stanford and the Stanford rapist. You know an unconscious woman was raped behind a dumpster and a judge gave a rather light sentence. You know a woman has needed to make very public statements regarding what someone did to her - this woman can Google herself and see her statements at 2 AM when she's had nightmares. This woman has exposed what happened to her, and can look at the very comments you're posting. She has subjected herself to the judgment of thousands of people - and whether you'd like to admit it or not, there is a culture of blaming a woman for what happened to her. She can read all of this. These articles will never die. Those comments will never die. Her living hell that night will never die, either.

But now that I've effectively freaked you out, I also want to reiterate her reasons for remaining anonymous aside from probably everyone knowing her name and knowing the details of what happened. She more or less said she is "every woman". She is the woman you don't know at that party who has a guy following her. She is the friend of yours who has an ex who won't leave her alone. She is the woman who was sexually assaulted by her boyfriend, who people still call a "nice guy". She is the woman who was raped. Whether you'd like to admit it or not, all of these scenarios are various forms of sexual harassment and sexual assault. She stands as a quiet representative of the struggles of women in a college setting - or just anywhere, at all.

And that's why I don't just want you to insult Brock Turner. Your angry Facebook shares are good, it lets your friends know where you stand - but that's really all it does. Everyone (except his parents, apparently) know Brock Turner raped someone. No matter the amount of shares, Brock Turner can never undo what he did, or even learn what he did wrong, it seems.

Instead of insulting Brock Turner...

Donate to an organization.

You literally don't even need to move from a chair. You can even probably do it on your phone in your bed. You find your pocket change, your extra 5 bucks, and donate it. That's it. That's all you do. It's over in five minutes.

If a woman seems uncomfortable, help her out.

Anyone who knows the appropriate boundaries regarding sexual assault and sexual harassment should be able to recognize it. If you see it, try to include her in what you're doing. She's probably looking for an escape. Say you thought someone on the other side of the room was calling her over. Don't just walk away, especially if there's a lot of other people there. Be comrades. We're all in this. We all suffer this. If you see something, say something.

Listen to your friend who was assaulted.

This situation has likely been very conflicting for sexual assault or sexual harassment victims. The same people who may not have wanted to listen to the victim's story a month or a year or five years ago, could be the same people angry about Brock Turner. The same people who are being so outspoken could have also shunned someone from saying what happened. The same people who are angry about Brock Turner might not have been so angry when it was his or her childhood best friend, or high school sweetheart, or even their own kid. So listen to her. Maybe even ask her how she's doing if it was recent.

Don't blame her.

I really need to explain this? If she tells you, I don't care if she walked naked down the street in the middle of Times Square dipped in neon green paint and covered with sparkles. "But you shouldn't have gone", "but you should've told him to stop", "but you should've been more assertive", "but you shouldn't have drank". No, the assaulter/harasser should have been a decent human being.

If she's uncomfortable, back off.

I'm not typing a full paragraph for this. Men who are angry over Brock, please consider how your actions might affect a woman you know. You might think it's harmless, but she might perceive it differently. Not all sexual harassment and sexual assault is the stereotypical "strange man following you at night" . A lot of assaulters and harassers know the victims. They were their friends, their lovers, their workers. Now, they are violated, in a blip of time - a short period of time, but one that will alter the rest of time.

If you have to do volunteer work for a job/school/etc, see if there's organizations that will accept you.

Angry Facebook posts don't enhance anyone's life. They don't directly help anyone else who's dealing with this; a victim will always wonder how you would react to THAT story. Not every case of rape, assault or harassment is as public as this one. In fact, most go unreported. Volunteering will show you that. Volunteering will show you what a regular, non-famous assault is like.

Be active.

Write to Congressmen. Put out the call to remove the judge. Invite speakers to your school. Spread awareness. Talk to people. Talk to guys about this. Confront guys if you see them engaging in this.

Don't rape people. Or pressure people. Or stalk people.

Don't rape people. Don't rape people. Don't rape people. If they cannot say "yes" (unconscious, say?), hesitate, say "maybe later", or say no, that means no. That just means no. Sorry.

That's my only angry Facebook post about Brock Turner - you've just read it.

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Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.


When I was younger I resented you, I hated every ounce of you, and I used to question why God would give me a parent like you. Not now. Now I see the beauty and the blessings behind having an addict for a parent. If you're reading this, it isn't meant to hurt you, but rather to thank you.

Thank you for choosing your addiction over me.

Throughout my life, you have always chosen the addiction over my programs, my swim meets or even a simple movie night. You joke about it now or act as if I never questioned if you would wake up the next morning from your pill and alcohol-induced sleep, but I thank you for this. I thank you because I gained a relationship with God. The amount of time I spent praying for you strengthened our relationship in ways I could never explain.

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Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.

The amount of hurt and disappointment our family has gone through has brought us closer together. I have a relationship with Nanny and Pop that would never be as strong as it is today if you had been in the picture from day one. That in itself is a blessing.

Thank you for showing me how to love.

From your absence, I have learned how to love unconditionally. I want you to know that even though you weren't here, I love you most of all. No matter the amount of heartbreak, tears, and pain I've felt, you will always be my greatest love.

Thank you for making me strong.

Thank you for leaving and for showing me how to be independent. From you, I have learned that I do not need anyone else to prove to me that I am worthy of being loved. From you, I have learned that life is always hard, but you shouldn't give into the things that make you feel good for a short while, but should search for the real happiness in life.

Most of all, thank you for showing me how to turn my hurt into motivation.

I have learned that the cycle of addiction is not something that will continue into my life. You have hurt me more than anyone, but through that hurt, I have pushed myself to become the best version of myself.

Thank you for choosing the addiction over me because you've made me stronger, wiser, and loving than I ever could've been before.

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The Subconscious Line Between Empathizing And Sympathizing

Be there with the person instead of for the person.


Whenever we see someone we love and care about going through a hard time, we always want to make sure that they know we are fully there for them. It's the line that we draw sometimes which we don't even see that establishes the way that we handle these situations. Although we may think it's apparent that those we love know that we care about them, yet it's difficult when we believe that just words can mend a broken heart or person. We tend to forget that actions speak louder than words and those acts of kindness have the ability to speak volumes to someone who's hurting.

We begin to sympathize and check in on people to see how they are doing to make sure they know that we are there for them and present. Even though that is absolutely amazing to text or call someone, we tend to lose touch of the impact we could make by a kind gesture that could make someone's day. Sometimes it's nerve-racking to do so because we don't fully know what someone's going through as we aren't directly in their shoes. If you think back to an experience in your life that you had difficulty, even though the other person supporting you didn't exactly walk the same path as you, there were able to help you get through it.

That's when empathizing comes into the picture which is an act that any human can perform by just listening and feeling out the situation. There's so need to evaluate or figure out what is wrong with another person, your job is to solely listen and show compassion and kindness towards that other person. The more that we do that, the less we have to worry about the difficulty to open up and show emotions and feelings. You'll find that even better friendships and relationships are grown through empathizing and allowing yourself to be there with the person instead of for the person.

Sometimes we subconsciously draw a line between what we think is right versus what could actually be right for the situation. We tend to draw this invisible line of sympathizing for a person rather than empathizing and not allowing for a space to be created for a conversation about something difficult. We tend to fear trusting others and to let them into our clouded windows due to it being too difficult or complicated to understand. The more we allow love into our lives, the easier it is to let that in and explore those relationships and experiences that could be absolutely beautiful.

It's easy to say these things but living them out is another story, it's not simple and it never will be. Yet it's worth a try and letting some emotions into your life and perspective may alter the way that you view your personal relationships and the things that may be keeping you from letting yourself fully feel. Just feeling something is worth a thousand words, but the second that you feel everything it's worth a million.

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