Despite popular belief, I am a socially awkward person. Several times I have been complimented on my ability to communicate with people. People say I make friends easily, I don't seem afraid to talk to new people, I can tackle confrontation. Here's what I always say to that: No. I am constantly screaming on the inside because I am the most socially awkward person I know... just secretly. I'm awkward but I've figured out how to work around it instead of overcoming it. I just cheat the system; I don't actually improve any. And it doesn't help that I am an introvert and am completely fine being by myself constantly and forever. Honestly, if I never had to talk to another human being for the rest of my life, I would be fine.
Anyway, he's a small list of some of the things I do as a secretly awkward person that hopefully you can relate to.
1. Avoid everyone I don't want to talk to
This one is my favorite because I literally plan my entire day around someone else just so I don't have to talk to them. If I see someone in the store or in a room I have to walk through, I will redirect my route in order to avoid them. I either pretend to take forever to pack up after class or hurry out the door to escape a potential unwanted conversation. I will pretend not to see them, hear them; I will pretend that I never saw their text or just forgot to reply. Sometimes I say I lost my phone altogether. I will do anything and everything to evade talking to certain people. Heck, I left the state to avoid talking to people I don't like after high school.
2. Plan out conversations
Whether it be a fake conversation or planning what I'm going to say to the waitress when she comes to take my order, I plan every conversation in my head before they happen. I plan (and sometimes write down) what I'm going to say when I talk on the phone. I win fake arguments in the shower and confess my love to strangers when I'm driving. I do it in order to always be prepared (although very few people actually confess their love to me). This is why I hate spontaneous conversations, the one where people come up to you by surprise and ask how your day is doing. Who knows what I'll say then.
3. Make my mom do the socializing for me
Back when times were simpler and my mom and I were living in the same state, I would force her to do the socialization for me by bringing her along to doctor's appointments. I'd make her call people for me and have her answer the door. She's not socially awkward, just me. Although now that I'm in college I actually have to do things on my own, but here and again I'll make her do things for me long distance.
4. Stand around until people come up to me
This is how I acquired all of my friends. I just stood there until they came up to me. I cannot confront people to save my life, so if I am in a situation where group socialization is key (ie. those dumb freshman orientations in college, everyday life, etc.) I just stand there quietly until someone desperate comes up to me. I have a friendly enough face to where it has worked thus far. I've made friends in college which still blows my mind. People seem to enjoy my company which also baffles me. All I do is exist until someone comes and exists alongside me.
5. Always wear headphones when walking from one place to another
Wherever I go on campus, I walk with headphones on. Whether it be between classes, to lunch or dinner, I take headphones. This is because most people know that you don't talk to people who have both earbuds in. Logically, if I always have both earbuds in, no one will talk to me and that's perfect. And that way you can get away with a courtesy smile or head nod when you pass by someone you sort of know when walking anywhere. No more small talk. Of course, there will always be those disgusting people who still try to talk to you... why? Just why?
6. Staying far away from any social conflict ever
This is such a broad subject. In my experience, I've avoided everything from going to dinner to going to parties to going to class. I pretty much just hang out with myself or with my close friends because I know that then there will be slim to no social conflict. I just stay away from situations where any socialization is required. I know it's not healthy but what am I gonna do. I just want to be alone forever.