My Response To “Dear Black Parents, You Need To Stop Doing These 13 Things"
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My Response To “Dear Black Parents, You Need To Stop Doing These 13 Things"

These aren't just Black issues.

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My Response To “Dear Black Parents, You Need To Stop Doing These 13 Things"
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On October 23rd, 2017 Ashleigh Haughton a fellow Odyssey contributor published an article titled, "Dear Black Parents, You Need To Stop Doing These 13 Things"

About the only thing that Ashleigh and I agree on it that is there are fundamental differences between raising black children and raising white children of other ethnicities. As a young(ish) black parent there are things that I will encounter as a parent and things that my children may encounter that parents of other ethnicities never will. But here are the reason’s why I fundamentally disagree with almost everything stated:

1. Black parents require their children to financially contribute while they are still in their teens and in their early twenties.

I know more black parents who do not fall into this category than do. I am sorry that this was Ashleigh’s experience and the experience of some of the other teens she highlighted but this is not typical for all black people. The problem is that kids of this generation feel more and more entitled. When I was sixteen, I wanted to help my Mom. While it was not a requirement and while she certainly did not depend on my income to make ends meet (and she was a single parent too), I gladly paid one bill in the house (the phone bill) and I paid and redecorated the bathroom and toilet and re-carpeted myself. Gladly.

I moved at age 23 and moved in with my sister and her husband. I paid rent while I stayed with her. When I moved out, every penny I gave her, she gave it all back to me as my starter fund. Once again, it was not a requirement and I kind of wish I had given her more when I got it all back. On the flip side, I know kids of all races who have had to contribute to the income of the household out of necessity, so this is not specifically a black issue.

2. Using public embarrassment as punishment.

I have seen as many viral photos or videos of parents of other ethnicities humiliating their kids for doing things wrong. For example, google kid from Texas, who cussed at a teacher, made to hold a sign on a street corner. The sign outlined his suspension for cursing at his teacher. And this is not the first viral video of this sort that I have seen.

3. Threatening our lives.

I agree that threatening a child’s life especially when they are young and unable to distinguish between what you mean and all the nuisances. And especially when they take things literally. However once again, I’ve heard parents of all races tell their kids, I will smack the crap out of you or phrases like this in the heat of the moment.

4. Beating and physically abusing us.

Abuse is never justified. Physical and sexual are both damaging beyond sometimes repair. But once again, beatings gone too far are not a black occurrence only. Many parents of all races believe that spare the rod spoil the child and with heightened frustration felt by many regarding job security and lack of contentment in their lives, make their kids the target to release their felt frustration.

5. Discouraging us from pursuing the arts.

This one I totally agree with. Maybe not just the arts, but just non-traditional options full stop. However once again, it is a low socio-economic issue, not a black issue. Parents of low socio-economic means believe that traditional jobs like being a lawyer, doctor or accountant will bring the economic stability they may not have had, or been able to provide to you. But most parents will discourage their children from taking part in

6. Partaking in homophobia and encouraging violence towards the LGBTQ community.

Once again, this is not just a black issue. I was not raised to hate or judge full stop. While I identify as a Christian and depending on which doctrine you follow, you may or not believe that being a homosexual is a sin. But in my household, we were taught if you can remove the plank from your eye, you can judge the speck in others. Thus, if you lie, cheat, get angry and so many other foul behaviors which I know I do then you can judge. But since no one is perfect, you better not judge.

7. Not allowing us to have emotions.

I must admit that I totally agree with this one. I notice that this is something that I definitely use to do as a parent but then I realize why our parents did this. Black kids have way more to deal with in terms of adversity that they face. Black parents believe that life requires some toughness. In fact, I don’t want to talk for all black parents, just myself. Recently I came across a situation that made me really search deep regarding why I had a propensity to shut down emotions even within myself and why I passed on this trait. It was to protect my daughter. My daughter has already encountered rejection due to her race and just plain racism (and this happened at the age of 4). If I allowed her to wallow in this rejection, it may be detrimental to her. But I realized is that shutting down to protect is not the answer but rather working through the issue.

8. Perceiving dissenting opinions as disrespect.

This is not true that black children are not allowed to have an opinion. I will say that growing up backchat and disrespect was not tolerated but in my early teens, a well-constructed argument, or differing opinion was welcomed. Because it highlighted how I thought!

9. Not allowing us to have any personal space.

In my household, as I got older I was often left to my own devices. I had demonstrated I was trustworthy and could make wise decisions when complex scenarios were placed in front of me. That I was in one word RESPONSIBLE. No matter the race, when you demonstrate these traits, you get the privileges that come with that

10. Continuously using explicit language.

I grew up and never heard my mother curse. The first time she cursed I was 24 years old, all she said was #$i% and I almost passed out. I do my best to not allow my children hear me curse or watch things with cursing in it.

11. Pretending that you're never wrong and not apologizing when you are, in fact, dead wrong.

I am a black millennial and this is simply not true. If warranted, my Mum has apologized and admitted to wrongdoing when she has been in the wrong. Now and while growing up. She would explain to me why she felt or thought a certain way. Even when I was in the wrong, whatever punishment I received was clearly and thoroughly outlined to me so that I knew where I went wrong.

12. Making us call everyone auntie or uncle.

Now I recently wrote an article about the degradation of community. It takes a village to raise a child. People you truly know and trust. And teaching your kids safe touches versus wrong touches. There is nothing wrong with building a tribe of people to aid you in raising your children as long as you take your time to get to know them and empower your children to call foul play. But I also don’t leave my kids everywhere I am with the 99.9999% of the time when they are not in school/daycare.

13. Ignoring sexual abuse and shaming your daughters.

This is true for all races. It’s hard for any mother to believe that a family member, a friend or someone you are dating or married to could ever be capable of this, once again regardless of race.

So, in closing, I believe that all of these are issues of low socio-economic households an not a quote on quote, "black issues." And that vast over generalization is what continues to allow people to believe that all black people, households are the same, which does us more harm than good.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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