If Thick Thighs Are The Worst Thing That’s Happened To Me This Year, I’m Doing Pretty Well

If Thick Thighs Are The Worst Thing That’s Happened To Me This Year, I’m Doing Pretty Well

I will not hear any different.
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I was someone who swore the "freshman 15" wouldn’t get them. I’ve always been pretty tiny and had a small frame I just assumed it would stay that way. I walk many miles a day, up hills and stairs. I drink a lot of water. I’m conscious about what I eat.

And yet, there it was. Maybe not quite 15lbs, but the extra weight is visibly there.

I probably wouldn’t have noticed honestly. I’ve been really busy trying to get everything accomplished. Plus, all I wear is leggings and Nike shorts, so it’s not like anything was getting too tight. I was feeling really good about myself for the first time in a while. There isn’t a pressure to be a certain way like in high school and everyone is doing their own thing. Everything is moving too fast to notice what others are doing.

It wasn’t until I went home for Christmas when my grandmother told me I was “getting big.” It surprised me to hear it that loud and clear. And it was even worse hearing it from someone I’m close to and love. I was so hurt. I had been so proud of myself for just finishing a semester of college. I was becoming an adult and I was getting the hang of being on my own. It wasn’t always easy and I still did it. I was actually doing quite well and she didn’t care about any of the good things.

I didn’t let my grandmother’s sharp criticisms affect me going into the second semester. I went back to school for another six weeks and worked harder on myself. Not just my image, but everything as a whole. I wanted to be the best version of myself and feel accomplished. Not for my grandmother and her loud and irrelevant opinions, but for me.

It was finally time for spring break and I went home but had no plan on telling my grandmother I was back in town. I didn’t feel like she deserved to see me. My self-worth is important to me and she attempted to tarnish it. I knew there was a chance she’d make me feel even worse and I wasn’t going to risk it.

She found out I was back and not even a day later, she called my dad while he was at work and asked if I had “gotten any fatter.” Maybe he shouldn’t have told me about it, but he felt it was better so that she wouldn’t bombard me with rude questions herself. I was happy he did because now I know who I don’t need around at this crazy and eventful period in my life. I have plenty of people in my life who are cheering me on and making me feel like everything is OK and that’s what I really need right now.

She won’t get to hear about how great things are going for me. It’s a privilege to be able to see me thrive and she didn’t earn it. I could be doing a lot worse than just gaining a few pounds. I could have flunked out or formed a drug addiction. But instead my GPA is still good enough that I can relax knowing my scholarships are intact, I’ve made friends, and I’m genuinely happy. If thick thighs are the worst of it, then I’m proud of myself.

Weight should never determine worth. Size doesn’t determine how great a life is. Happiness and progress determine those things. At the most important times in our lives more than ever, we should be encouraged to do well and cheered on for whatever we’re accomplishing. We can’t let anyone take away our pride and happiness for little things that don’t matter and can be improved.

Cover Image Credit: 123rf

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If You've Ever Been Called Overly-Emotional Or Too Sensitive, This Is For You

Despite what they have told you, it's a gift.
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Emotional: a word used often nowadays to insult someone for their sensitivity towards a multitude of things.

If you cry happy tears, you're emotional. If you express (even if it's in a healthy way) that something is bothering you, you're sensitive. If your hormones are in a funk and you just happen to be sad one day, you're emotional AND sensitive.

Let me tell you something that goes against everything people have probably ever told you. Being emotional and being sensitive are very, very good things. It's a gift. Your ability to empathize, sympathize, and sensitize yourself to your own situation and to others' situations is a true gift that many people don't possess, therefore many people do not understand.

Never let someone's negativity toward this gift of yours get you down. We are all guilty of bashing something that is unfamiliar to us: something that is different. But take pride in knowing God granted this special gift to you because He believes you will use it to make a difference someday, somehow.

This gift of yours was meant to be utilized. It would not be a part of you if you were not meant to use it. Because of this gift, you will change someone's life someday. You might be the only person that takes a little extra time to listen to someone's struggle when the rest of the world turns their backs. In a world where a six-figure income is a significant determinant in the career someone pursues, you might be one of the few who decides to donate your time for no income at all. You might be the first friend someone thinks to call when they get good news, simply because they know you will be happy for them. You might be an incredible mother who takes too much time to nurture and raise beautiful children who will one day change the world.

To feel everything with every single part of your being is a truly wonderful thing. You love harder. You smile bigger. You feel more. What a beautiful thing! Could you imagine being the opposite of these things? Insensitive and emotionless?? Both are unhealthy, both aren't nearly as satisfying, and neither will get you anywhere worth going in life.

Imagine how much richer your life is because you love other's so hard. It might mean more heartache, but the reward is always worth the risk. Imagine how much richer your life is because you are overly appreciative of the beauty a simple sunset brings. Imagine how much richer your life is because you can be moved to tears by the lessons of someone else's story.

Embrace every part of who you are and be just that 100%. There will be people who criticize you for the size of your heart. Feel sorry for them. There are people who are dishonest. There are people who are manipulative. There are people who are downright malicious. And the one thing people say to put you down is "you feel too much." Hmm..

Sounds like more of a compliment to me. Just sayin'.

Cover Image Credit: We Heart It

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Celebrating 1 Year Sober

Self-harm free is a better me.

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This has truly been a challenging year for me. I have literally hit my rock bottom and tried to end it all. Eventually, I found my way out of the dark side through a week-long stay in a psychiatric unit.

This year has made me feel weak, small, empty, forgotten, unloved, and immensely broken.

But I made it.

I didn't try to end my life nor make myself feel pain for one whole year. Before this breakdown, I hadn't self-harmed in nearly six years, but sometimes, you have to hit rock bottom to realize you need help.

Getting better and keeping myself safe from me was not an easy job. The first six months, I literally fooled myself into thinking that I was doing better. I got out of the hospital and said, "I'm healed. I'm better. I don't need the medicine, and I don't need the therapy. I'm fixed."

I had convinced myself that a week-long stay in the hospital was a fix-all.

I was wrong.

Fighting mental illness is not something that can be solved in a day, week, month, or even a year. This is going to be a battle that I will have for the rest of my life. I will need a therapist for most of my life if I want to stay on the wagon, and I've finally accepted it.

I'm very thankful for my support system, the people who stayed there and continued to help me understand why I deserved to feel better about myself. While the people who only cared for a day thought they were helping, it really made me feel more alone once they left again.

So, a true extra thank you to the people that were amazing enough to stay by my side through the worst times of my life.

I strongly encourage anyone struggling with self-harm to seek the help they need. One of the biggest motivators for me was that I didn't want my younger siblings or cousins to have to attend a memorial or funeral for me. I try to set an example for them, and the best example I've done so far is getting the help I desperately needed.

One year self-harm free and many more to come.

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