This year has gone by super fast - it's almost New Years.

I am not sure if I'm ready for the new year yet. With the all these holidays happening and the New Year being on its way, I always stop to think about the ones I miss dearly. I don't know if you believe in an afterlife or heaven, but I believe in something. I believe that I have quite a few angels up there watching over me.

Sometimes I feel safe knowing that and know that I will always be okay. I know they will take care of me just like how they have thus far. My angels are my grandparents who have sadly passed. I unfortunately never got to really know my Grampy because he died when I was two. From what I've heard from my mom and the rest of my family, he was quite an amazing guy. Even though I didn't know him, I truly believe he was. I know my mom talks about how much he loved her and how much my brother reminds her of him; I always love listening to her talk about them. Unlike my Grampy, I did know my Grammy which I would love to talk about. I miss her more than words could ever describe. She was an amazing woman, she was beautiful, strong, independent, and just so much more - someone I definitely looked up to when I was younger. Unfortunately, she didn't get to make it to a lot of things I wish she could have seen, such as my prom, one of my rodeos, and my wedding.

Every time I think about the day when I get married I want to cry because whenever she would talk about dying, I would yell at her to stop it and tell her how she has to be at my wedding and how I would never be able to do it without her. My mom and my aunt are super important to me and I need them both there. But the fact that I told her that she would make it there hurts me inside because she didn't. I know she will be there in some way, though, because honestly, I don't think she would ever miss it.

I know she is always watching over all of us. I just wish, like I'm sure many do, that I could talk to her one more time or ask for her opinion on a lot of things. I still always have her voice in my head and a lot of times when I'm just randomly thinking about her, I will either start laughing or burst into tears. I swear I really don't cry that much, but I feel sometimes that's a good way to get stuff out.

She was the type of woman still affecting me today... It doesn't matter what people say, always be true to yourself, follow your heart. Always saying to be strong even when everything goes wrong don't give up because it will all turn around. She was just so amazing. I remember when we would go and visit her at her place, I was young and on battle cheer. There was this one cheer that I always loved and whenever I did it, she would do it with me. It was always so funny and I would fall to the floor laughing, like stomach pains and all, it was great.

Sometimes thinking of her I think of that cheer. A-W-E-S-O-M-E AWESOME! AWESOME! TOTALLY! Probably a really stupid cheer but I don't care - it's so funny. She would shake her hips like me and everything. You don't have to listen to me, but I will always believe that all the loved ones we lose will always be there for us and never leave us. We will always have someone watching over us, I know I will.