It is very easy to give in to negativity and sadness when we are at our lowest and most vulnerable. Keeping a level head and an optimistic mindset is difficult and might even seem like a joke. However, having this negative mindset doesn't help either.

Last semester, in October of 2019, my grandfather passed away. He had been in the hospital for a year because of a complication in his surgery. He had lung cancer and it was removed but not without consequence. He had had another surgery previously done to remove a tumor from another part of his body (I can't remember where) and it was successful. After the surgery of his lungs, we excepted the same hopeful results. Yet, he had trouble breathing on his own, and he had to go in and out of being hospitalized until he just ended up staying there. He had trouble staying conscious. Infections started to weaken him and it was decided to put him on a ventilator. But he just kept getting weaker and weaker. During that time, I felt like he was already gone. It was hard to accept the fact that he might never recover. The only way that I could go about my life is to think about what he would have said to me.

"Be strong soldier!" with a salute, "Be strong."

He was never in the army but he had great respect and passion for people who were. He was a tough man and did not tolerate nonsense. He was also a very strong and loving grandfather, father and mentor. He would never complain and he would always have a smile on his face. He was also a jokester and I would rarely see him depressed.

It was very hard for my grandmother especially to see him in the condition he was in. His once vibrate blue eyes were closed in exhaustion. It was hard to come home from college and just watch him slip away. Becoming more of a sleeping shell of himself.

I can only imagine now the pain that our current times bring us since most are not able to see the deceased. I was fortunate to be able to have closure. It was right before my organic chemistry exam that I went back home for the funeral. The dread and the pain I felt was less because of the reality that he had become so weak that he couldn't come out of sleep. It was as if he was in a coma. Yet, it still was a blow to hear that he was actually really truly gone. And there would be no more hospital visits, no more trying to see if he would wake up when I tried to have a conversation while he slept, no more praying for him to recover.

Now because of this virus, much of our lives are on standstill just like how my life was on a standstill when my grandfather passed away. That there is a cloud of dread and pain hanging over the world to the point that it feels like the world has stopped rotating. That we are all in suspended animation.

However, I think that we should take the advice of what my grandfather would have said. To keep going about our lives the best we can, and to be strong for ourselves and each other. I know that my grandfather would have never wanted me to remain sad for the rest of my life. He would have wanted me to be happy and not to be worried that he is gone. That is what he truly cared about; for me and for my brother to be happy. Even without being able to have closure about the death of a relative or a loved one that they would not want us who still remain to become unhappy. They would want us to live on for them even if given our current world situation is not ideal. But we have to carry on and hope that things will get better sooner rather than later. To support those who are in need to the best of our abilities. Even if it is just a small act of kindness or celebrating the people on the front lines.

It is touching to hear the cheers and clamor every evening to celebrate doctors. My parents are both doctors and almost everyday that they have to go in I am afraid if they will come back without getting sick. And for other students with parents who are doctors we should all try to support them in any way we can even if it is just making dinner, or help cleaning the house to make their lives easier, I am sure they would appreciate it.

Most important of all though during these times is to take care of yourself. If you are in grieving or not, working or not, struggling or not always take care of your mental wellbeing as well as your physical wellbeing. Try a new hobby, Skype with friends, take some time to exercise. Don't just sit around and watch Netflix all day even though it is very tempting.

Wishing everyone safety and good healthy and for the world to recover quickly so we can get back to normal.