"There's no way God can forgive you," you repeat over and over in your mind.
But can I tell you something my friend, He already has and He already will.
You're believing this lie. You've heard you are forgiven and free most of your life, but you claim there's no possible way you can be forgiven.
As Christians, we tend to accept the illusion in our minds that if we're overly sorry for the things we've done and claim we can't be forgiven, God will think we are more serious about following Him.
But what if it's actually the complete opposite?
When we live in self-pity, we are accepting the chains and the bondage of sin and we are inviting the highest form of pride into our lives. We are essentially saying to God "your Son's sacrifice wasn't enough for me."
One man felt excruciating, horrid pain on a cross and ALL of humanity's sin at once and was forsaken by God because God could not look upon sin. His Father turned his eyes away and He became sin who knew no sin, but we spit in his face and scream "THAT'S NOT ENOUGH." Oh, how that breaks his heart.
I was in that spot a few weeks ago. I didn't understand why I couldn't feel His presence in my life. I was giving into the lies that the enemy had whispered to me. I was walking directionless because I wasn't accepting forgiveness because of my self-pity and because I thought my sin was way too much to forgive. "Too much" is not in God's vocabulary. He is infinite. He infinitely loves and he omnipotently knows. He knows that we are human and we were born into this world with wicked hearts. Jesus has been tempted just like you and I and is interceding on our behalf to the Father because He understands (Romans 8:34).
He just wants us to collect scraps of our sin, pity, and pride and give them all to Him so He can turn it all to robes of righteousness and favor because friend, you are favored and adored in his eyes. He wants you to accept his forgiveness and run to his arms and rest there. There is refuge in him.
There is power in the freedom of forgiveness. Not so we can go around justifying our sin saying,"It's really okay, I'll just repent tomorrow and accept my sin today. Forgiveness is free and not my price to pay". Oh, how I imagine that shatters the Father's heart to abuse the incredible sacrifice of the Maker of the stars. There is power to overcome what he has forgiven us for and not to live in the chains anymore.
So brothers and sisters, it's time to live forgiven. Freely we've received and freely we will give. Come sit at the table where the King offers life so much more abundant, where God sees his Son and not your sin.