Ever since my dad died, my family members have said, “We’re here for you. We love you. Reach out if you need anything.” For some of them, I know that’s true. I have a few aunts and cousins that I know I can talk to if I’m ever in need. However, I also know that many more of them seem to conveniently step out of my reach when I do ask for help. A couple of weeks ago, I wrote an essay for a scholarship competition based on votes. One place I posted it was a group event for a family reunion we're having this summer. A couple of weeks later, I looked at my essay and found that I only had 48 votes. Now, I have a big family. My grandma has 9 siblings and each of them have multiple children and grandchildren. All of these family members, and only a few of them could take 20 seconds to do a simple thing for me. I am totally grateful for the few that did this for me, and I'm not trying to just rant or complain about the rest of them. I can think of plenty more instances in my own and others' lives when people haven't followed through with their promise to be there.

Telling people that we love them means something. However, it doesn't mean as much later when it comes time to show that love. Following through with what we say is what's most important. We can tell people that we're there for them all we want, but it doesn't mean anything if we don't act on those words. Simple things, like a hug, a vote (in my case), or buying them a coffee can mean the world to someone going through a rough time.

Based on what I've noticed, in many instances, saying "I'm here for you," is to make yourself feel better. You want to feel like you're being helpful. In that moment, it's good to hear. It's nice to know that people care. However, later on when someone asks for help, can you be there for them? I don't think it's realistic to be able to drop everything for someone at any given moment, but ignoring their request isn't okay either, in my opinion. Can you take the time to say something like, "I'm sorry, I can't help you right now, but I'll be able to later." If you can't at least do that, then you shouldn't promise to be there for someone.

Asking for help is hard. The idea of bothering people is something I really struggle with, so I tend to put off asking for help for as long as I can. Having someone not acknowledge my request for help makes me feel even worse about asking next time, even if I ask a different person.

Realistically, I don’t expect everyone in my life to be there for me 100% of the time, but I think that those who say they are should be. This goes for everyone, not just my family. Accountability is really important to me. If we say that we’re there for someone, we should be there for them. How can someone be expected to trust you if you consistently back out of what you say you’re going to do?