10 Reasons You Should've Voted For Cruz As Told By The Zodiac Killer
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Politics and Activism

10 Reasons You Should've Voted For Cruz As Told By The Zodiac Killer


10 Reasons You Should've Voted For Cruz As Told By The Zodiac Killer
John Witiw

If you've spent much time on the Internet during this season of "Who Wants to be President," you've probably seen that some people think I am, I mean, Ted Cruz might actually be the infamous Zodiac Killer that terrorized Northern California in the late '60s and early '70s. On one hand, this seems unlikely, as Ted Cruz was born in 1970 and the first Zodiac murder was in 1968. But on the other hand, nobody knows who the Zodiac is. So...

1. I'm... He's not weird at all

Just look at how he embraces his wife. Doesn't that just scream normal and not similar to a serial killer at all?

2. He's so gentle

The Zodiac Killer was known for killing people in Northern California, not for giving hugs.

3. Great at acting

It's pretty hard to hide the fact you've been hiding your true identity since 1969.

4. His family loves him

If I were the Zodiac Killer, wouldn't my family be afraid of me?

5. He focuses on the real issues

I have to shift the views from the people I killed to other things going on in the world.

6. I only tell the truth

I don't kill anymore, but I would start another spree for Trump.

7. I'm very sneaky

I got around the police until now. I'm sure I could've gotten around Congress.

8. I'm can act like no one knows I'm the Zodiac Killer

Just calm down Ted. No one knows blood has been on those hands.

9. I'm just an all-around great guy

Just because I killed some people doesn't mean I couldn't have been a good president.

10. I have a plan for all of you

Everyone is beginning to know too much. It must end.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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