A Letter To The One That Brings Out The Worst In Me

To The One That Brings Out The Worst In Me

You no longer can take credit for the best of me.

44
views

I hope you know it wasn't always this way or maybe it was and I never cared enough about myself or what I deserve to notice.

All I know now is that as much as it breaks my heart I have come to the conclusion that when you're not around I'm at peace.

When you are near, you make me crazy. You make me question my worth, you underestimate my value by depreciating everything I am and everything I have worked so hard for. The close proximity of our hearts collide into reckless abandonment.

Whenever we speak tensions are never low, pride and insecurities are high and no matter what comes up in our time together, tears will always fall down.

On my own I am at my best, when I am alone there is no one that can hurt me. On my own, I am no longer a pawn in your poorly played game.

I hope you know I miss what should have been and what we should be. I miss being someone you truly cared for, unlike the sacrifice I have become so you may save face. I wonder what happened or what changed to go from normalcy to me becoming one of your defense mechanisms.

You say you love me, but you've never actually fought for me. Instead, you fought your wars using me. I was your shield and sword. Blocking you from harm and slaying the dragons that you pointed out. If only I knew then that dragons sometimes can be the ones that tuck you in at night.

Because of you, I have this huge wall built up again the world so I don't get hurt when all along it was never the world hurting me, it was always you. I was just too blinded by the idea of how our relationship should be that I missed how insufficiently I was treated all along.

So here we are, polar opposites that once upon a time strived so hard to be similar. You can say I'm selfish, call me crazy, you can even remind me for the millionth time that I'm to blame and once again you, bless your heart, did nothing wrong.

So here's to you, the greatest magician of them all, you fooled me for the last time. Listen very carefully, this is the stuff kids dream of. This is what being an adult is all about, doing whatever (legally) makes you happy, even if it means saying goodbye to the people you love the most.

I don't have to be your friend and you don't have to love me. I can remove you from the speed dial, unfollow you on social media and I bet it will be a hot minute before you even notice. Especially considering you only ever reach out when you need something or in some cases need someone to tear down.

It's a crime that I am that I am your easy target, you know me and the buttons you can push. You know my heart and what hurts it. You shame me and guilt me for all the things I have done to better myself instead of lifting me up and being proud of the person I have become.

You will probably never understand the pain and agony it brings me to no longer wish to be a part of your life, I don't want it to end this way, but I can't and won't let you keep degrading me, putting me in the dirt, and making me believe that everything bad that has happened to you was somehow my fault.

I still wish you all the best and I hope maybe one day things will change but for now, I must do this for me and last time I checked, you believe a life without me "is fine."

Popular Right Now

To The Soon-To-Be College Freshman Who Think They'll Keep Their High School Friends, Know This

You will maybe talk to 10 people back from your high school while your in college.

22
views

I know what you are thinking "Of course I am going to still talk to all my high school friends once we graduate." "You just didn't keep up with your friends." "I am going to talk to them every day."

Of course, you may be the lucky ones that go on to the same college and university, but if you follow your best friend to college then have you ever thought to yourself. "Did I choose my school based on if my friend(s) would go to college together." Obviously, it could be coincidental that you end up in the same place, but my argument is more on the idea of having friends that go to the same college on your list of important things once you move away.

Now if you are still reading and still in denial with what I am saying then continue.

Since moving away from home I have broadened my horizons and met more people then I could ever have imagined. I have met people that if I have not kept an open mind to them I would not be friends with them now. You will most likely choose the same type of friends that you had in high school if you do not keep an open mind when finding friends in college.

You also do not want to be that person who refuses to make other friends besides their high school friends. I hate to break it to you, but your high school friends will find other friends beside you when they leave for college/university. This time in your life is supposed to be "a new chapter" if you do not branch out of your comfort zone then you will be stuck in a little bubble for the rest of your life.

Not only will your friends in your high school class be making friends, but you need to make friends that are in the same stage of life that you are also in. Still talking to high school aged friends will limit you from conversations due to distance, lack of relevance, and just not going through the same stuff as you.

Sounds daunting? I know.

I am not saying that you can not be friends still with your high school friends. From time to time I catch up with mine to see how the school is going for them, and how they are doing, but I am building and forming relationships with my friends at college because you have had to start up from ground zero, and will be forming a foundation until we graduate.

Even when you have broken it is nice to hang out with your high school friends and talk about the good old days. My point to you is to keep an open mind and to not get upset when high school friends have moved on and found their new friends from school just like you.

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

When There Are Guns In The Home, Protection Needs To Be A Priority

"I'm not against guns or gun ownership...at all...but I am against innocent children being killed because of lack of safety and lack of responsibility."

11
views

Three stories. Three stories just this week I have read about children accidentally being shot as a result of careless gun owners. This is a giant problem in itself, however, the smaller problem within this is people need to start locking up their firearms, especially parents with small children in the house. If it is in a place that is easily accessible, then a child will find it and, most likely, use it improperly.

"Toddler suffers 'permanent, irreversible' brain damage after the accident when he found a loaded gun under pillow...

After reading this article in particular I was absolutely outraged by the lack of care and responsibility of these firearms. More so, I am even more perplexed as to why this gun was not only left out, but even worse, left out in the presence of a child. If this was an attempt at hiding the gun, the owner might as well leave it out on the kitchen table. Children are curious, especially at Na'vaun Jackson's age, four years old. They also have no knowledge of gun safety because they will not use firearms at this age. It was even easier for Na'vaun to pull the trigger that would cause him to change his life forever because the safety was off. The owner of the gun also claimed that he forgot that the gun was there. He had shot himself in the middle of the forehead between his eyes. Na'vaun has recently awoken from his coma and is expected to be brain dead, and will have to try to relearn how to walk.

"The boy took a gun from the car's console and accidentally fired it while his mother was outside, striking his sister in the head..."

During the few moments the children's mother was outside of the car trying to get it to startup, Millie's brother had accidentally shot her in the head, later killing her. The safety on the gun was not activated, therefore it was easier to be able to shoot the gun, especially for a child. Again, having a curious child, at four years old, who has no knowledge of gun safety and access to guns, it will lead to tragedy. It is said that he had grabbed the gun from the console and accidentally fired it.

"Investigators determined that a gun in the diaper bag accidentally went off, hitting Smith (father) in the chest and the child in the leg..."

I have so many questions after reading this article in particular. First of all, the gun was left in a diaper bag, which is definitely not intended for a firearm. Second, this incident happened in the parking lot of a Chuck E Cheese. Although I wonder why the gun was necessary for this trip to Chuck E Cheeses with his daughter, I am more focused on the fact that it was in a diaper bag.

Also, since we know the gun had gone off by accident, we know that the safety was also left off, like in the other cases mentioned. Simple steps to keep guns secured are often skipped for whatever reason, whether the owner is being lazy, doesn't think anything bad will happen, or even forgets. Unfortunately, this girl will have to survive without a father as he had recently passed away from his gunshot wound to the chest. His daughter is expected to make a full recovery.

I think it is important for us to realize that this is not only a problem with children, even adults, the owners themselves, can become victims of accidental shootings due to improper security. Whether it be lack of education in gun usage and safety, shortcuts are taken such as not activating a safety, or improper storage of a firearm, it is a problem which can easily be fixed. No new laws, stricter gun laws, none of that is necessary. What we need is for gun owners to be responsible themselves, to take the necessary care and precautions that come with owning a gun, especially with other people in the household.

In 2016, there were 495 incidents of accidental firearm deaths. Four hundred ninety-five people. That's 495 deaths which could have been prevented by activating the safety on the gun. 495 deaths that could have been prevented by receiving the proper training in gun safety. 495 deaths that could have been prevented by putting the gun in a safe, or even on a high shelf.

We are not doing all that we can.

So, what can we do?

It starts with you. You the firearm owner, you who knows someone who owns a firearm, you who has a voice. We must stop looking the other way when tragedies such as these strikes. We must also stop looking at the guns themselves and start looking at the owners who fail to properly care for these weapons. I'm not saying we should change the gun laws altogether. But what I am saying is we need to start taking more responsibility and care ourselves, these are weapons, not toys to leave out. I'm not against guns or gun ownership...at all...but I am against innocent children being killed because of lack of safety and lack of responsibility. This responsibility begins and ends with the owner. There are little things that can be done to prevent huge tragedies.

Keeping the safety on:

-If the weapon you own comes equipped with an external safety, it should always be left on when the firearm is not in use. -This should be done especially if there are small children in the house.

Lock up your guns:

-One of the most common tools used to lock up guns is gun cases or safes. This will ensure that the gun cannot be accessed as long as there is a passcode unknown to anyone but the owner.

-This way, the gun will be easily accessible to the owner and untouchable from any unauthorized user.

Educate any child in the house about gun safety:

-If kids who are around guns from a young age are taught about gun safety, they will know right from wrong when handling a gun, or will not handle that gun at all without an adult.

-This will prevent further accidents like the ones mentioned previously because if children are taught basic rules of firearms such as "never point a gun at someone" they will be less likely to have such a horrific accident.

Keep guns unloaded:

-In the event that the gun was not locked up safely and a child had found it out with the safety off, there is no risk in firing the gun if it is unloaded.

If we take some, if not all these precautions, we can save so many lives unnecessarily lost at the hands of irresponsibility. As we see, this is not only happening in one area, this problem is widespread and happens all over the United States. Luckily, these problems can be easily fixed, as long as we are willing. It all starts with you.

For more information on firearm safety, go here.

Related Content

Facebook Comments