The Universe Is Saving Something Special For You

The Universe Is Saving Something Special For You

You are here in this world, right now, because you are meant to be here, and nobody could ever replace you.
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Stop whatever you are doing right now.

First things first, I want you to take a second and just breathe. Next, I need you to listen to me very carefully.

I see you.

I'm serious. I know what you are going through, and I know that there is so much more happening in your head that you tell no one about. I know you are working your butt off right now to make ends meet, to pass your classes, to make your family proud, to keep your friends from realizing you are about two seconds from falling apart.

Your feelings are valid.

You probably are not told this enough, but it is true. What you are feeling right now—you are allowed to have those feelings. When you lie awake at night, staring at the ceiling and wondering if it ever gets easier—it is okay. You can feel whatever you feel. Nobody should make you feel like your thoughts and emotions are not important enough because they are. No matter how small or insignificant you think they are.

You are important.

Now, I know for sure you are not told this one as often as you should. If I could scream it from the rooftops and plaster it on sticky notes all over your house and write it on signs everywhere you go, would you start to believe it? I do not know who or what made you feel like you are not important. That was wrong. You are so, incredibly important, and this world would not be the place it is if you were not a part of it exactly the way you are.

It is ok to not be ok.

You do not have to act like you have it all together all the time. I know putting on a show for everyone to see makes it all seem easier—less questions, fewer people worrying, not having to face your inner demons. It is ok, though. You do not have to keep your mask up. Hell, let it crumble to the ground in tiny, shimmering pieces. Let a few tears fall to the floor. Life can wait, I promise.

You do not have to have it all figured out.

I am going to let you in on a little secret: nobody knows what they are doing. You are supposed to have doubts and take risks and make mistakes. That is how you know you are truly living, my friend, and though it is terrifying, it is what makes you human.

I know you want to have everything put together. You like knowing what happens next, you have to have a plan, there is no time for messing up, life will not give you a second chance. That is just life. I have full faith that you will figure it out when the time is right.

The Universe is saving something special for you.

You are here for a reason. It is not to work until you die, or to focus on what others think of you, or worry about all that could be or never will. You are here, right now, because you are meant to be here. You are unique, and nobody could ever replace you.

Even if you do not believe in yourself, I do. The Universe does. If it seems like everything is falling apart and you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel, take a breath and wait. I know it is hard, but it will be worth it. There is something special that only you can do and that only you can be given.

Go, be great. I believe in you.

Cover Image Credit: Courtney Henderson-Wasmund

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Why You Actually Don't Want To Be Prescribed Adderall

ADD isn't all that it's cracked up to be.
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As I'm writing this, I can feel my concentration slipping. Noises have become enticing, I feel distanced from my phone, and every time someone walks by me in the library, I turn around seeing if it's someone I know. My extended-release Adderall is starting to wear off and my brain is starting to relax back to its natural state. My ADD is climbing out from underneath the blanket of focus I had for 10 hours today.

ADD is not all that it's cracked up to be. Sure, we get prescribed the precious Adderall so many people want, but at what cost? Let me put this in context for you. You know when you're at the library and there's a one really, really loud girl talking on the phone? You know the one. The girl that, for some reason, thinks it's OK to have a full-fledged conversation with her mom about her boyfriend in the middle of the quiet section. The girl that's talking so loud that it's all you can think about, occupying all of your focus. Well, that's what every single person in the room is like when you have ADD.

Distractions that are easy to ignore to someone without ADD are intensified and, instead of focusing on the task at hand, I'm listening to the girl three seats down from me eat her barbecue kettle chips. When you have ADD, it's not just schoolwork you can't focus on. You can't focus on anything. I tried to watch a foreign film one time without my medicine, and I forgot to pay attention to the subtitles. I realized about halfway through the movie that I had no idea what was going on.

What almost everyone that asks me for my Adderall doesn't understand is that I take Adderall to focus how you would normally. When you take my Adderall you feel like you can solve the world's problems. You can bang out an entire project in one night. You can cram for an entire exam fueled by this surge of motivation that seems super-hero-like.

You take my Adderall and ask me, “Is this how you feel all the time?" And, unfortunately, my answer is no. I'll never feel like a limitless mastermind. When I take Adderall, I become a normal human being. I can finish a normal amount of work, in a normal amount of time.

My brain works in two modes: on Adderall, and off Adderall. On Adderall, I'm attentive, motivated and energetic. Off Adderall, I can barely get up the motivation and focus to clean my room or send an email. And it's frustrating. I'm frustrated with my lack of drive. I'm frustrated that this is how my brain operates. Scattered, spastic and very, very unorganized. There's nothing desirable about not being able to finish a sentence because you lost thought mid-way through.

The worst thing that you can say to anyone with ADD is, “I think I should start taking Adderall." Having ADD isn't a free pass to get super-pills, having ADD means you have a disability. I take Adderall because I have a disability, and it wasn't a choice I had a say in. I was tested for ADD my freshman year of college.

My parents were skeptical because they didn't know exactly what ADD was. To them, the kids with ADD were the bad kids in school that caused a scene and were constantly sent out of class. Not an above average student in her first year at a university. I went to a counselor and, after I was diagnosed with ADD, told me with a straight mouth, “Marissa this is something you're going to have to take for the rest of your life."

When the late-night assignments and cramming for the tests are over, and we're all out in the real world, I'm still going to be taking Adderall. When I'm raising a family and have to take the right kid to the right place for soccer practice, I'm still going be taking Adderall. And when I'm trying to remember the numbers they just said for bingo at my nursing home, I'm still going to be taking Adderall.

So you tell me you're jealous that I get prescribed Adderall? Don't be. I'm jealous that you can drink a cup a coffee and motivate yourself once you lose focus. I'm jealous that the success of your day doesn't depend on whether or not you took a pill that morning. The idea of waking up and performing a full day without my medicine is foreign to me.

My brain works in two modes, and I don't know which one is the right one. I don't know which mode is the one the big man upstairs wants me to operate in. So before you say you want to be prescribed to Adderall, ask yourself if you need and want to operate in two different modes.

Ask yourself if you want to rely on medicine to make your entire life work. If I had a choice, I would choose coffee like the rest of the world.

Cover Image Credit: Flickr

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Getting Over Your Fears

It is so hard but feels so good all at the same time.

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I am the type of person who does not have normal fears. I don't mind spiders or snakes. But I have some fears that are so irrational and make zero sense. Yet they're still there. Over the past year or so I have successfully gotten over a few of my biggest fears and feel super proud and powerful knowing I can do things on my own.

The first one is finding a good doctor, in a new state.

It is so hard to find a doctor when you are used to YOUR doctor that you have seen your entire life. And you are far away from home and do not have the help of your parents. What do you do? Where do you go? Who do you call?

The answer is, you ask everyone. Any person you know who is in the area, ask. You will get a HUGE variety of answers and when you find the right answer, you will just know. You will be able to feel it, like damn that is the doctor I need to see. And then you call and make the appointment and feel a huge huge weight off your shoulders.

Unless you are like me…

Then you just feel more anxious because you hate new doctors, almost as much as you hate getting your haircut. Which is ironic, because one you're going to be a doctor and two whenever you get your hair done, you do something different whether it be color or cut or even both.

But the doctors are a little more serious.

So I recently had a relatively urgent doctors appointment (don't worry, I'm not dying) and I drove myself there and sat through the entire appointment and drove home all by myself. It was awful. I may have teared up once while inside.

But I DID IT.

I drove home, and I was super tired from everything and being anxious all day but also super super proud of myself for getting through everything and actually accomplishing something I wouldn't usually do.

On a much lighter and more humorous note…

Do you know how people are TERRIFIED of spiders, or snakes or rats? I am terrified like will cry and run, absolutely terrified of…

Frogs.

Yes, frogs.

And honestly, the next step is to try to at least be able to be in the same area of a frog without becoming incredibly anxious. This will hopefully allow me to be much more comfortable with so many different outdoor activities and even better at my current job.

While facing your fears is terrifying and super super hard it makes you a much more well rounded. You can do things you never thought you would be able to do and feel accomplished.

It is like when I crashed my car, I was afraid to drive again when I got home. But my mom knew that I had to drive because if I didn't drive immediately after I probably wouldn't have. It was both terrifying but also so important and imperative to my everyday life.

The point is to just do something that scares you every day, even if it is small and seems "dumb". You won't regret it.

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