On a late Wednesday evening, President Donald J. Trump gazed out of one of the tremendous windows in the oval office, with a glass of scotch in hand, plotting the subject of his next angry midnight tweet. There were so many topics to choose from, but this time he needed a real attention-grabber. Wiping the Cheeto dust and sweat off of his wrinkly forehead, Donald churned the rickety gears in his microscopic brain, waiting for a breakthrough. He could tweet about Mexico again, but the wall was already underway and his English was a bit rusty. He could brush up on his misogyny, but he had spent so much of his campaign talking about grabbing pussies, plus he was trying to stay faithful to his new lover, Putin. He could piss off Australia again, or England, or China, or gays, or people of color, but all of that been done before.

That’s when hit him. He knew exactly what he needed to tweet about. Yes. It would be the tweet of the century, a media sensation. Every headline, every blog post, every middle-aged Facebook user would be talking about his tweet, the tweet that started a war. Quickly knocking back the rest of his scotch, he rushed to his desk and grabbed his phone, anxiously scrolling through his many porn apps until he finally found it: Twitter.

Excitement and anticipation surged through his plump, orange body. This was it. Finally, everything would be forever changed all thanks to him. As he began to type, amorphous beads of sweat trickled down his face, leaving pale streaks amidst the thick layers of his foundation. Finishing his thought and pressing "tweet", he put down his phone and waited for the social media shit storm that would erupt at any second. This tweet would be the greatest tweet in presidential history. In just a few years’ time, this tweet, his tweet, would be in millions of history books across the nation. Suddenly hearing high-pitched pangs and vibrations coming from his phone, he grasped it in his tiny hands and reopened his beloved Twitter app, reading his brilliant tweet once more before he headed off to bed.

“North Korea is a terrible place with a terrible leader. Kim what's-his-face has NO IDEA what he’s doing. SAD! Time to put him in his place!!”