If I want to feel beautiful, my first instinct now is to straighten my hair, apply at least three pounds of mascara, and top it all off with heavy coats of eye liner because Lord knows my eyes are as small as raisins.

If I want to feel like an absolute goddess, I will spend an hour working on putting the red lipstick in the contours of my lips. I will then actually contour my face and apply foundation until people with white shirts everywhere would be stained ivory if they let me embrace them.

So when my black heels hit the escalator of the mega beauty company I started interning for on June 4^th, I knew that being amongst all the products of makeup would help me learn more about beauty and how to go about it.

The first two weeks I learned terminology I have never heard of. Before this internship, I only knew the basics— in fact, I did not even know what a bronzer was until last year.

I learned now that there's such a thing as a highlight drop, eyebrow gel, eyebrow styler, a base pro, an eyeshadow stick, a lacquer, a juicy shaker, a matte shaker, SPF induced creams, eye correctors, prismic plumps… I must be missing something.

I was getting all kinds of samples to try and learn to products to be a better and more knowledgeable intern.

I was so excited to get into the world of beauty and makeup.

And all of a sudden, when applying the eyeshadow stick for the umptieth time – wondering why the heckers I could not make the crease look well-blended, it hit me.

All this makeup…is just…stuff.

Stuff. Things. Goo. Powder. Serums. Chemicals. Stuff.

And there's this whole industry out there making BILLIONS because we women are told and we women learn to feel that without all this stuff, we can never be our most beautiful selves.

How insane is that?

How insane is it that in order for me to feel absolutely breathtaking, I need to spend an hour changing my whole face? How insane is it that women think getting old is just a deterioration from beauty and must be prevented with hour-long skin care routines, all to eliminate the wrinkles around the eyes that only should show that you've lived a long life, laughing and smiling enough for the skin to bend?

Now I know I will continue putting on mascara and that eyeliner does make me feel better myself. I can't just quit this addiction at the drop of a hat, and I also truly feel that it's okay to indulge in some things that make you happy, even if they're as nominal as a black line above your eye.

But to feel any less beautiful because it's not there just isn't right.

And it isn't healthy.

Our eyebrows are allowed to be bushy. Our lips are allowed to be as big or as a small as they are. Our eyes are allowed to be small and our eyelashes even more so. No products will ever add to your beauty because what authentic beauty is... is you being happy with yourself and the miracle that you are.

You are a product of family, history, and time.

That. Is. So. Special.

Beauty is you seeing who you are. It's everyone seeing your confidence in who you are.

We give the beauty market the power to make billions because we tell ourselves the billions of reasons we don't look good without makeup. We tell ourselves we need something other than self-love and confidence to be beautiful.

That ends, today.