The Truth About Some Days

The Truth About Some Days

Although every day isn't filled with anxiety, some days are harder than others
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Some days it feels like a weight on your chest, all day, just sitting there waiting to crush you. And it's not until late at night when you're alone and something triggers you, that the weight crushes all the way down, and tears come flooding out and the thoughts won't stop and all the negative thoughts you've worked so hard to keep at bay all come forward in full force.

Some days are the best days. Nothing negative slips in your head everything seems possible, and everything is possible. That's the thing about anxiety. It comes to you when you least expect it, but it's always there. It's there when you're driving to work, or when you're just cleaning my room. It comes with no warning and sits dormant in your mind until it feels ready to surface. There are ways to talk it back down into your chest with the burning tears that come rising with it, but the more you push it down the harder it comes back up.

Some days the only thing that fixes it is crying until your eyes are puffy, your face is swollen and your head pounding because there's nothing left to give.

Some days are filled with unneeded apologies and feelings of inadequacy.

Some days despite how hard my boyfriend holds me as a cry until I have no more tears, and despite his patience and his strength to stay with me through the worst of times, and despite his unwillingness to let me feel anything less that worthy and beautiful, my anxiety tries to take that away from me.

Some days it's easier to say “I'm tired” than to try and find a way to configure all the thoughts and worries that are playing in my head into words.

Some days constant reassurance is needed because despite me knowing my self-worth and all the things I am capable of and all of the things I've achieved, the weight of my anxiety and the need to be better still rings in my ear

Some days, I'm okay. Some days, everything is okay. And even on the days that aren't okay, I have to remind myself that it is just a day. That tomorrow will be better and that my anxiety does not control me. It does not make me less of a person and it does not make my emotions any less real. I have to remember that my anxiety does not define me, but only makes me stronger and that the moments I feel the weakest are the moments I need to fight back harder.

And some days I have to remind myself that the love that surrounds me is stronger than any of my darkest days.

Cover Image Credit: WeHeartIt

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To All The Nurses In The Making

We tell ourselves that one day it'll all pay off, but will it actually?
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I bet you’re taking a break from studying right now just to read this, aren’t you? Either at the library with friends or in your dorm room. Wherever you may be, you never get the chance to put your books down, at least that’s how it feels to most of us. It sucks feeling like you’ve chosen the hardest major in the world, especially when you see other students barely spending any time studying or doing school work. The exclamation “You’re still here!” is an all too frequent expression from fellow students after recognizing that you’ve spent 10-plus hours in the library. At first it didn’t seem so bad and you told yourself, “This isn’t so difficult, I can handle it,” but fast-forward a few months and you’re questioning if this is really what you want to do with your life.

You can’t keep track of the amount of mental breakdowns you’ve had, how much coffee you’ve consumed, or how many times you’ve called your mom to tell her that you’re dropping out. Nursing is no joke. Half the time it makes you want to go back and change your major, and the other half reminds you why you want to do this, and that is what gets you through it. The thing about being a nursing major is that despite all the difficult exams, labs and overwhelming hours of studying you do, you know that someday you might be the reason someone lives, and you can’t give up on that purpose. We all have our own reasons why we chose nursing -- everyone in your family is a nurse, it’s something you’ve always wanted to do, you’re good at it, or like me, you want to give back to what was given to you. Regardless of what your reasoning is, we all take the same classes, deal with the same professors, and we all have our moments.

I’ve found that groups of students in the same nursing program are like a big family who are unconditionally supportive of each other and offer advice when it’s needed the most. We think that every other college student around us has it so easy, but we know that is not necessarily true. Every major can prove difficult; we’re just a little harder on ourselves. Whenever you feel overwhelmed with your school work and you want to give up, give yourself a minute to imagine where you’ll be in five years -- somewhere in a hospital, taking vitals, and explaining to a patient that everything will be OK. Everything will be worth what we are going through to get to that exact moment.

Remember that the stress and worry about not getting at least a B+ on your anatomy exam is just a small blip of time in our journey; the hours and dedication suck, and it’s those moments that weed us out. Even our advisors tell us that it’s not easy, and they remind us to come up with a back-up plan. Well, I say that if you truly want to be a nurse one day, you must put in your dedication and hard work, study your ass off, stay organized, and you WILL become the nurse you’ve always wanted to be. Don’t let someone discourage you when they relent about how hard nursing is. Take it as motivation to show them that yeah, it is hard, but you know what, I made it through.

With everything you do, give 110 percent and never give up on yourself. If nursing is something that you can see yourself doing for the rest of your life, stick with it and remember the lives you will be impacting someday.

SEE ALSO: Why Nursing School Is Different Than Any Other Major

Cover Image Credit: Kaylee O'Neal

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I Asked People How They Really See Themselves And The Results Were Low-Key Savage

You'd be surprised how people will critique themselves when left anonymous...

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It's very common that, when asked the opinion of themselves, people squirm. They don't like to share that information because, truthful or not, it's just how they see themselves. For years, I struggled with seeing myself for who I am; a kind individual who often times cares too much for others and gets emotional about everything. Even with my looks, I can be told I'm beautiful so many times my brain hears it in my sleep, but it won't make me see anything other than average.

I thought I was strange for seeing both the good and not so good qualities of myself. For seeing things that were true and some that, by everyone else's ideas of me, not. I was set to find out if I was the only one who thought this way when it came to my own opinions of myself. The results, kind of shocked me...

19, Female

"I know that I'm kind, selfless, and courageous but I'm incredibly self conscious and I worry about my body ALL the time. I'm careful with my social interactions and I'll always rethink them when I'm alone. People always comment on how outgoing and confident I am, but if they only were in my head and saw how much anger I have..."

21, Male

"I see myself as a rookie. I have a good mindset for what I want to do with my life, but I haven't learned everything yet. I also see myself as a self-critical kid who can't communicate with what he really wants in life."

21, Female

"I see myself in two ways, the positive truth and the more negative part that I know isn't quite as true. The positive truth is that I'm a hard-working, dedicated person who knows what she wants in life, who's grown a lot over time and is a much more confident, happier person with more of a purpose in life. Someone that has talent and decent looks, despite what the voice in her head says. The negative view is I'm not that pretty, that I have to work twice as hard as everyone else to be "normal" in looks and behavior, that I'm not that talented, that I don't have a perfect body, that I'm someone who tries too hard and yet still things don't often work out. And it sucks because there's some truth to the negative view, which makes me have to constantly remind myself not to get sucked into the negative viewpoint."

20, Female

"I'm trying to improve myself on all these fronts but honestly I feel like a really rude judgmental person that simultaneously hates myself and thinks I'm better than anyone else. I feel like i can slide by in school without putting in the work but that when I do I just feel worse about myself because I could do a lot better if I actually tired. I also feel fat and lazy and have trouble loving myself and allowing other people to love me..."

19, Female

"I see myself as someone who is happy with life but is lost in direction. I know what I'm doing, but I have no idea what I'm doing for the rest of my life."

21, Female

"Fat, ugly, gross"

20, Female

"Strong and confident but sometimes too worried about pleasing everyone."

36, Female

"Unaccomplished and useless"

55, Female

"I'm comfortable with who I am as a person for the most part. I struggle with the natural aging process... wishing I could have stayed 30 forever...But I feel that I look decent for my age. I'm honest and a hard worker. I feel I'm a good spouse also."

20, Female

"I think I'm really good at appearing confident to others, but on the inside, I second guess everything I do and am very self conscious. I don't like my body and I think it's held me back a lot in life, but I think my personality is pretty cool."

20, Female

"Too shy and reserved, but also loyal, compassionate, and intelligent..."

35, Female

"I see myself as kind in personality. Physically I'd like to lose weight and be more active, though I rarely see myself as pretty. Though the are some very rare days that I do think I'm pretty."

20, Female

"Strong, thoughtful, courageous. A lot of women my age are really insecure, but whether you are or aren't, it still takes an immense amount of courage to be yourself every day. And so I consider myself courageous for this reason. Being yourself is beautiful no matter what you may look like on the outside or to others."

19, Female

"I honestly see myself as ugly and fat. I am confident in myself but also am very honest. Sure, I know I can have a better skin care routine, take care of my nails better, my hair, but I'm not interested. I know I shouldn't get Del Taco at 10pm because it'll go straight to my thighs. I'm confident in myself where I can wear what I want, eat in front of people, but I see myself as what I am, unattractive and overweight."

While most of the responses were from females, the answers all were generally the same. Most were able to say at least one thing they liked about themselves despite the negativity they were fighting against. What surprised me was that, not many of them discussed their appearance. The question I had asked was "How do you see yourself?" That could've been taken in different ways. Some could have taken it as physical traits, but most took it as personality and morals.

It's enlightening to see that people also struggle with coming to terms of the beauty that lies within them. They all know it's there, they just are learning to accept it.

Accepting flaws is easy, accepting the beauty everyone else sees is not.

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