I wish we’d had a proper goodbye. All the things I wish I had said before you left are still on the tip of my tongue, waiting for you to come back.

I wish I had told you more often how much you meant to me. Years will pass and that will never, ever change.

I wish I had said "I love you" more. I was always so sure I would have just one more time to say it to you. But I found out we don’t always get those last moments.

I wish we had one more chance to go to your favorite place. While some of my best memories are there, I mainly liked going with you because your smiles were the brightest there, and you were the happiest.

I wish you had been there for all of the graduations, birthdays and celebrations that have passed: your daughter’s wedding, the birth of your grandson.

But the thing I wish the most, is the one I wish the hardest. I wish you were still here.

In the beginning I’d lie across my bed, trying to remember your voice. The worst night was the night I realized I couldn’t anymore.

I tried; for hours I tried, racking my brain for this simple sound, but my mind was silent. I have never hated myself so much as on that night, but I hated the Universe even more.

There were nights where my anger would swell out of me. Nights where I would cry out in frustration and yell into the dark. I would curse at God and ask Him why does He only seem take the ones with the most beautiful souls.

You told me once when I was young that God took these people because they were meant for something bigger, that he needed them as angels to fight the evil in the world. I remember telling you that wasn’t fair, that God was selfish for taking people away from their families.

I thought about that a lot after you left, and for a while I turned my back on every ounce of faith I had.

Later on I prayed. I prayed that wherever you’d gone, that you had found the peace you could never find in life. I still pray for that.

Some nights I still lie across my bed, and though I can’t remember the sound of your voice I can still remember your smile and how your eyes would crinkle around the edges.

Years have passed, and they will continue to pass. As Robert Frost has reminded me, "It goes on."

While they say that time heals all wounds, I know that there will be days when I will miss you more; that I am sure will never change. But as I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that even though you have left, the spirit of you hasn’t.

There have been days when I swear I feel you, like someone pressing their hand over my heart.

There are days when I see you.

I see you in the laughter of your family and the smiles of your friends. I see you in the love you left behind.

There are so many things I still wish about: all the things left unsaid, all the things we didn't get to do, everything you are missing here with us all. But I've finally found peace with it all.

I really hope that that you are up there being the life of the party, as usual.

Love you forever.

"Love is stronger than death even though it can’t stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can’t separate people from love. It can’t take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death."