No, My Personal Preference Does Not Make Me Transphobic

No, My Personal Preference Does Not Make Me Transphobic

Cis-gendered people should not be accused of hating transgender persons because they do not want to pursue a romantic, physical or emotional relationship with them.
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This Article is in response to No, I Don't Have To Tell You I'm Trans Before Dating You

The debate of transgender people’s rights and their integration into society has been present for years through numerous media platforms. In 2014, news outlets reported that a U.S Marine murdered a transgender woman, Jennifer Laude, for engaging in sex without disclosing that she was a transgender person. The debate surrounding transgender bathrooms laws within the past couple of years provoked a huge out cry from the LBGTQ community through social media. Very recently, President Donald Trump used twitter to state his position that the US would not allow any transgender persons to serve in the U.S. military.

I recently came across an article on the Odyssey discussing transgender peoples position in sexual and emotional relationships with cis-gender people, as well as their roles and acceptance into society. The article argued many unsettling and invalid points revealing a question of education and objectivity on the matter.

Firstly, I would like to give a brief tutoring on the proper terminologies of this subject. Most of my research came from GLAAD, a media platform which provides education on LGBTQ communities and promotes acceptance for these communities. (This is a very informative and reliable source for any readers looking to explore and learn about this community and many more).

GLAAD defines Transgender as “a term used to describe people whose gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth.” Gender identity is “a person's internal, personal sense of being a man or a woman (or boy or girl.)” To simplify, a transgender person is someone whose sexual identity does not match their birth sex. In addition, many do not see their sexuality as aligning within male or female, but see it as a spectrum or outside the gender binary. Cis gender people are defined as “persons whose sense of personal identity and gender corresponds with their birth sex” by Merriam- Webster Dictionary.

Transphobia is prevalent in today’s society. However, we must acknowledge the magnitude of what this word means and be sure to use it only in appropriate circumstances. Transphobia, which, again, by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary is defined as an “irrational fear of, aversion to, or discrimination against transgender or transsexual people.”

The article first tackles the debate of whether a transgender person should have to reveal their state of transition to a non- transgender person. This discussion stemmed from the previously mentioned murder of Jennifer Laude in 2014 by a US marine officer. The article makes the profound statement that transgender- people do not have to reveal their transition, further arguing that it is not a lie to repress this information.

First off, the idea of withholding such principal information is lying. I believe a person’s transition is essential to their emotional and sexual being. It would be deceitful to keep this information from someone a person intends on being intimate with.

Secondly, the motive of Ms. Laude’s murder was based upon the fact that her state of transition was not disclosed. What is important to distinguish is that the act of murdering a transgender person because he/she did not reveal her transition state is transphobic. What is not transphobic is the feeling of deception after discovering an intimate partner is a transgender person without one’s knowledge.

Thirdly, the article argues that not being attracted to a trans person is transphobic. This statement is inaccurate on many levels. The notion that cis-gender people are transphobic for not being attracted to transgender people is the equivalent of saying females are homophobic for not being attracted to lesbian women or gay men.

Transphobia, again, means to have an irrational fear or discriminatory attitude against transgender people. Someone who is not attracted to trans people is not fearful or discriminatory of them; Attraction is a preference.

Also what is lost in this debate is that transphobia implies that a right is being threatened or withheld. Sex isn’t a right, it’s a privilege. To argue that a person who does not want to have a sexual relationship with a trans person is transphobic is completely wrong.

Cis-gendered people should not be accused of hating transgender persons because they do not want to pursue a romantic, physical or emotional relationship with them. For many, just as myself, I support all groups in the LGBTQ community. I think every person is unique and should have the right to express their sexual identity and orientation in however way they please. However, although I feel this way, this does not mean I personally would be open to becoming romantically involved with a transgender person. As I said before: it is all preference.

What is difficult about this subject is two things; One, there is no precedent. The New York Times printed an article recalling the history of transgender milestones. The first person to have a sex change took place in 1952. There have been just 65 years of transgender people coming into American society, and it wasn’t until the early 2000’s through media and advocacy groups did transgender people begin to have their presence known to America.

The transgender community is still relatively new to society naturally creating difficulties in approaching this topic. Politicians, public figures and law makers are still trying to find ways to include transgender people as equal, respected and protected citizens. Unfortunately, there are still many who find moral and religious conflict with the transgender community. There is no rule or protocol for making laws for this community and with transgender people still facing opposition, finding a compromise is tough.

The second adversity is that there is a lack of education among society about trans people. Many make claims which stem from no knowledge or ethics allowing ignorance to spread like wild fire. Education on this subject needs to be pervasive among the new and old generation. As more and more learn about the LGBTQ community, a sense of unity and understanding will allow this community to properly and formally merge into society.

In time I see the LGBTQ community becoming one with society and hope that day comes very soon. Although there are many people with many different beliefs, no matter what you practice, a human is still a human, and every human deserves respect, dignity, and rights.
Cover Image Credit: tn8

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I'm A Woman And You Can't Convince Me Breastfeeding In Public Is OK In 2019

Sorry, not sorry.

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Lately, I have seen so many people going off on social media about how people shouldn't be upset with mothers breastfeeding in public. You know what? I disagree.

There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

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Seeing Pregnancy Announcements Makes Me Feel Guilty I Can't Give That To A Future Girlfriend

How seeing the hundreds of pregnancy announcements makes me feel as a trans man.

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It seems like whenever you log onto any social media platform whatsoever these days, there's always another new pregnancy announcement. I could literally list at least ten people I know right now that are expecting. Don't get me wrong, I am absolutely ecstatic for each and every one of them, the joy and excitement that spews out of them makes my heart so happy. As a transman, I know I see pregnancy in a different light than everyone else.

Up until recently, I've always been the poster child for never having kids. Being a parent to anything other than something with fur and 4 paws was totally out of the question. I swore up and down I would never have kids. I didn't even entertain the idea, never gave it a second thought. I always told my mom not to be disappointed, but to never expect to be a grandmother. The only types of babies or kids I liked were the kind I could give back to their parents when they started acting up. I was okay with just being the "fun uncle" to my close friend's children when that time came.

As a transman, having my own children, of course, was completely out of the question. I didn't want to get myself excited over something I knew I could never have myself. I know there are plenty of other ways to have a child and there are way too many children in foster homes that should be adopted, but I felt like it wouldn't be the same; I feared that if I wasn't their biological father then they would never see me as their "real dad." Not to mention, no other dad in the world will have to sit their child down one day when they become of age and explain to them that their dad was actually born a woman. No other dad in the world will have to fear that rejection from their child. God forbid if my child's peers found out their dad was actually transgender and mistreated or bullied them because of that. These are the thoughts that scared me out of the idea of being a parent. These are the reasons why I never entertained the idea of being a father to anything other than a dog.

This all changed when I met my girlfriend, which is ironic because she swore she'd never want children either. Prior to her, I never envisioned myself having my own family until she came around. When I look at her my heart is so overwhelmed with pure and unconditional love to the point where I want more of her in the world. I'm not trying to be cocky, but I think I'm pretty damn great. I also think she is extremely great, phenomenal, out of this world. So, a little person that's half me, half her? Sold, I'm in. You're welcome, world. Raising a child with my best friend would be the most fun adventure that I could ever imagine. There's no doubt in my mind that she'll make the most incredible mother.

However, I'll always feel extremely guilty that I can't give her what literally any other man in the world could so easily; a biological child. Even after I get my bottom surgery, I will never be able to produce sperm, therefore, I will never be able to have my own biological child. That's such a huge sacrifice I'm asking her to make by having to take a nontraditional route to motherhood. That's such a huge obstacle we need to tackle together as a team. If she were with anyone else, she wouldn't have all of these hoops to jump through, it could be so easy and so natural if I wasn't born in this opposing body, this cage I'm trapped in. It eats me alive every single time I think about it.

Then I snap out of all that nonsense, apologetic talk. When I have a child, I'll go through all this extra work to have her because that's how badly I'll want it. Anything worth having certainly won't be easy. Where there's a will, there's a way. No matter how I have a child, I'll still have her and that's all that will matter to me. When the time is right, it'll happen. I never in my wildest dreams would've imagined I'd say it, but I can't wait to be a dad.

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