This weekend I watched my "baby" brother's first ever college lacrosse game. As I sat up in the bleachers at Jacksonville University I began to think of all the other times I had watched him play. From the bobblehead days to the goofy, gangly long-limb no-muscle days. For his whole life I've been a cheerleader for my little brother, not always in person, but in some way, I've been there supporting him. So it felt natural to be supporting him once again. But then it dawned on me, while he was still my little brother, he wasn't my baby brother anymore.

Here I was, watching him play college lacrosse as a freshman, and I remember what my freshman year of college entailed. Due to shame and regret, I will leave out details, but I know that you do a whole lotta growing up in your first few months without your parents. I wasn't there to wake him up at 3 am when there was a meteor shower and he loved science stuff. I wasn't around to change his clothes over from the washer to the dryer -- which in college means some inconsiderate monster left a bunch of your wet clothes on top of a dryer -- and I couldn't just bring him something to school when he'd forgotten it.

So as I watched the fast-paced athleticism on the field, I came to terms with the fact that my little brother didn't NEED me anymore. I'd been there from the time he was a football sized munchkin, to a giggly toddler, an awkward long-limbed teenager, and then all of a sudden he was shaving his face and had a deep voice. And while I managed not to cry, I realized that just because he wasn't dependent on me to swoop in and save him, doesn't mean we can't still be close. A fact that was solidified after the game when we went out to eat.

There was still laughing, inside jokes, snatching food off each other's plates, messing with each other's drinks, and sharing stories. Just because he didn't need me, didn't mean he stopped loving me and wanting me around. As I hugged him goodbye and rubbed my hair up under his chin in the way that he hates, he laughingly pushed me off and told me it was good seeing me, and he couldn't wait to see me next weekend. I got in the car with my parents and it hit me; baby bro wasn't the only one who needed a sibling, I NEEDED him too.

Whenever I ran an errand my brother was a willing co-pilot. Whenever it was a majority rules decision we always teamed up together so that we had a better chance. I needed him around because without him I had to deal with being my own DJ, and the boredom that comes with being by yourself. He was my built in best friend and when he moved out home got a little emptier.

As the youngest, my brother had 2 parents, plus his three older siblings to help him out. And while a lot of times that meant he got a lot of unsolicited advice and lectured for one event at multiple facets, he also had the most experience at his disposal. It's hard letting go of the overall-wearing, bespectacled kid who would hold onto the crook of my elbow when he was too cool to hold my hand but still afraid of getting lost, but I know that in his place I've got a friend, and not someone I need to take care of.