Ask anyone that knows me and they would probably tell you that I am one of the most passive-agressive people they've ever met. Actually, they may just take aggressive completely out of the equation and claim that I am just passive. I wouldn't completely disagree. I am a quite passive person: I hate to stir up any kind of controversy, do anything I can do to avoid confrontations, and withhold many of my true feelings about topics in order to avoid a terribly uncomfortable conversation. Quiet, I most often let other people take the lead, and suppress many frustrations. Being passive just part of who I am and I can't really change that. I have good, stable, long lasting relationships with people. I would like to think I am kind, I listen to the other side of every argument, see every issue from both sides. I am able to stay calm and collected in situations that would infuriate others.

While it doesn't bother me at all, my passiveness sometimes bothers others around me. People that are close to me often worry about my inability to stand up for myself, are confused my seemly indifference to being mistreated by people that should care about me, and get frustrated that I give out second chances to people by the hundreds. What those people don't realize is that it's not that I don't care when I get mistreated by close friends or that I'm not angry when those friends cancel plans that I thought were set in stone for a long time. I am. I get frustrated, hurt and angry. I am disappointed when people I care about and am excited to spend time with back out of plans I was looking forward to, I just don't outwardly express that to many. Instead, I swallow whatever disappointment I am faced with, pushing it down within me, smile and tell people that it's okay.

I have mastered the fake smile I flash friends when they cancel plans. I grit my teeth and say it's fine, I'm fine, we're fine. Nothing's different, nothing's wrong. Everything is perfect, peachy even.

"Oh, you can't go shopping like we planned? Okay."

"She never texted me back (like always). It's fine though."

I don't like pretending I'm fine and suppressing disappointments like I most often do. I wish I could voice the concerns, the frustration, and hurt. I really do. It's just that the thought of bringing up something I'm frustrated or angry about with the person who caused that makes me anxious, nauseous, and I would literally rather do anything else. I avoid any and all kind of confrontations at all costs. I don't even like it when other people argue with each other. It just makes me so uneasy.

I know that I am not the only person who struggles with being passive. Many people experience the same thing as I do every day of their lives. Those of us who are passive know the struggle of being angry and wanting to express that anger but, at the same time, wanting to avoid the uncomfortableness of confrontation.

If you are passive, know that there are others who struggle with the same, or similar, things and if you aren't, chances are, you know someone who is. So, next time you cancel plans with your passive friend because they are always so understanding, realize that their feelings are hurt and they are angry, they just don't express it. Breaking your plans and promises isn't okay just because you think your friend is okay or fine with it. They just appear that way because they hate confrontation.