For most people, being 21 means that they are not babies anymore. They have their own rights to independently start their own lives. For me, being 21 means that I finally become mature, and finally I start looking back my past to deeply think which significant lessons and which experience I have gained during those years.

“Daddy! Don’t hit mom!”

“Daddy! Don’t pinch me!”

“Mommy! Don’t go, please!”

That sounds like in a horror movie, but that was my childhood.

Agatha Christie, an English famous mystery writer, said: “One of the luckiest things that can happen to you in life is, I think, to have a happy childhood.” I guess that everyone in this life wants to have a “candy” childhood because it is simplicity and love; however, for me, it was like nightmare. Obsessing with many unhappy things, I have almost closed my friendliness with the world. Almost of my warm blood flowing through every vein and artery has been frozen. I usually think pessimistically, and sometimes I startle to figure out that my life may become a tragic novel. How can I live normally while scars of my heart can possibly be hurt again? Nobody could become normal when a storm came and swept most of good memories out of my mind. As a little girl who was only ten years old, I should be innocent, focus on studying or should hang out with other kids without overthinking anything. Nevertheless, my heart started having some first scars, instead.

“Hey! When I looked at you, I thought you had a happy life because your face did not show that you suffered any sorrow things for a long time until I read your post on Facebook.” – the girl who sat next to me in high school was so surprised after she knew my past.

Life never gives us any free presents. Challenges and difficulties are natural theories of humans’ lives. Those teach us many unforgettable lessons; those help us improve and develop ourselves. But those also may burst our tender hearts. Furthermore, we should know everyone has their own stories. Some of them can trap in the darkness and they may not stand up. On the other hand, others can make their horrible memories become their motivations, which may help them to draw brighter future. Honestly, I used to nearly give up everything, but then I chose to stand up.

It is because I know I am still alive, and there are still many people who really need me. A rough road with high mountains and formidable rivers is not difficult to overcome, but it can be impossible to go through when people fear to confront with these obstacles; instead of moving on, they decide to step back. Sometimes I wish I could have a better childhood. I wish I could innocently smile. I wish I could grow up in a happy family in which I could feel being loved by parents even though we were poor. Unfortunately, I could never have it. Some people advise me to leave the past behind and forget it. I understand they want me to be happier. But, how can I forget everything after suffering domestic violence during childhood and then losing one of the most important people in my life?

(to be continued)