The stages of pulling an all-nighter are jarringly similar to the five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – if the five stages of grief were to be blended in a mixer and then poured out on your lap like boiling water at different intervals of the night. Nothing makes you feel crazier than 3 a.m does, except maybe your emergence in civilized society at 8 a.m.

The most hilarious part of an all-nighter is remembering how okay you were about it when the realization that you’d have to pull one hit you. In a rested 4 p.m state, the all-nighter seems harmless. How bad could it possibly get? It’s only a single night of sleep. The complacency is quick; around 9 p.m or so you’re purchasing your preferred caffeinated beverage in bulk. You’re almost energized, hopeful about the night that lays ahead. Your Red Bull sits beside you, next to your textbooks, pens and open laptop. You’ve got this, what an ace student.

The first whim of tiredness is like a stab to the gut. “I’m fine,” you reassure yourself after the initial impact. “I’m fine, just a little tired.”

Spoiler alert, you’re not.

Nothing is more humiliating and blunt than feeling yourself dozing off after a can of Red Bull or a cup of coffee. It’s like your own body failing you. It’s only 1 a.m and your stupid eyes are already heavy. You get up and do a lap around the living room. You send a few Snapchats in which you lament your exhaustion. You sit back down. Your newfound energy lasts for all of two minutes.

The anger stage is all-encompassing. Somewhere between 2 and 3 a.m, you lose track of what you’re even angry about, but it doesn’t quite matter. The essay, the professor, your own procrastination, the pipes creaking in your house which is the entire damn reason you’re having trouble focusing, you swear. They all blend together and you are unreasonably and irresistibly angry. The anger runs into frustration into heartbreak and then finally into calm.

This is acceptance. Your eyes are glued to the screen and your essay is slowly coming into existence. There is no grade or professor or need for punctuation. All is a blur in the world at 5 a.m; life is a question mark and nothing is real. You’ve entered the alternate realm of existence and your soul is hollow.

College is a lie.