The Right Guy Doesn't Care If You're Skinny

The Right Guy Doesn't Care If You're Skinny

Other things matter more in the right relationship, and the idea that weight and body shape equals love is misguided.

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I keep waiting for the day when "skinny" will lose its social equation to "beautiful." I keep waiting for magazine covers to show something besides a model with sultry lips, tight stomach, and calves the size of beanstalks.

I wished this even when I was thirteen and new to the world of social beauty. My wish didn't keep me--and 0.9% of American women--from developing anorexia at sixteen. Nor did it keep me from that longing many of us know well: to be thin.

I'm not saying that the entire beauty industry has eyes for skinny girls. Check out #aerieREAL, for example.

But I am saying most of the beauty industry is suggesting some dangerous stuff, such as the notion that you have to be skinny to be sexy, and that you have to be thin to be worthy of a partner.

You won't have to be skinny for the right guy, ladies. I promise.

Many partners prefer confidence to digits on a scale.

When I was fifteen, I asked a close guy friend what he found most attractive in women. (Naturally. I was hungry for this kind of knowledge).

His answer was immediate. "Confidence," he said. "Hands down."

I actually posed this question to multiple men and women in the subsequent decade and received the same answer, unanimously. I'm past the point where this stuns me. It makes sense.

Think about who is most likely to captivate you, romantically, sexually, or otherwise: someone striding into a room in a power pose, or someone who slinks in shyly, hunched over her own form?

We notice people who believe in themselves, and not just in a superficial, physical, or sexual way. I am most compelled to romantic partners who know themselves and own what they have. I only notice their body shape, in these cases, way after the fact, if at all.

The right guy will feel the same way. He won't be there peering over your shoulder as you weigh yourself. Nor will he urge you to squeeze into a size zero or eat less to preserve your figure. (Ew.)

The notion that body shape determines love (or sexual attention) is misguided--even dangerous.

This is a principle perpetuated by media and even by dating apps--endlessly. And it is utterly false.

Your body shape does not preclude a romantic relationship. Nor does it preclude respect, love, and even a healthy sex life.

Yet it is so easy to buy into this notion, even after a quick scroll through social media, a brief glance at the news. It is so easy to believe that our future "person" will only crave a woman with flawless skin and an A-cup.

Such thinking can compel dangerous behavior, including eating disorders, unhealthy dieting, self-mutilation, and even suicide.

And if you do meet a guy who prioritizes body shape over most anything else, run. He's not for you. Enough said.

How do we crawl out from under such messages that media sends our way? I admit this can be challenging. Experience, however, is the only answer. And I don't just mean finding someone to sleep with you. Venturing into the dating world and encountering other lovers, while intimidating, can offer abundant perspectives.

I, for one, have learned that--nearly ubiquitously--many men prefer a woman who doesn't fit the standard skinny mold. My current partner, for example, doesn't question my tummy flab, the jiggle in my thighs. He thinks--bless him--these are feminine staples. He doesn't want my hip bones to protrude any more than they do.

Who knew?

Besides, "Skinny," "Normal," and Even "Dieting" Isn't Hip Anymore

You may have noticed that there is a huge self-acceptance movement building. A few clues I've noticed lately are the incredible success of movies with an "acceptance" theme, like The Greatest Showman. In fact, the soundtrack, with (with a theme song, "This Is Me") is experiencing a historic run on the top of the Billboard charts accomplished only a few times in music history by names like the Beatles and Adele.

Did you notice that even Weight Watchers has changed their name and branding? Yes, they now cringe at being labeled as a "weight loss diet," (diets usually fail) and have evolved into, "WW Wellness" -- focusing more on health than weight. That's a pretty significant sign of the times, don't you think?

He may have insecurities too.

Body image is not exclusive to women. Gendered and non-gendered individuals also have, at bare minimum, some concept of how they look. It's only natural that some of us may nurse some healthy anxieties. You may not be the only one in a relationship fighting with a mirror. It's a human thing, not a female thing.

Recognizing that no one is exempt may help ease the pressure, just like an ice-breaker. Better yet, have a conversation with your partner about body image, positivity, and confidence.

Other things will matter more.

In the right relationship, you may find yourself stepping further and further away from that scale.

Sure, I still have those ugly stares with myself in the mirror, the ones where I feel frustrated with how I look. (Who doesn't?)

But these grow more infrequent the more I commit to a relationship, the more I immerse myself in it and honor it. This is because true commitment, in my eyes, merits self-love. And when I'm flying high in the self-love department, I could give a damn about my jean size.

Focusing on your partner, the health of your relationship, how to get to know your lover's language more -- these things will, you may find, matter more than anything else.

And that's when you may know it's right.

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5 Democratic Hopefuls For The 2020 Presidential Election

Beto or Bernie?

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Coming of the new year marks one year closer to the 2020 Presidential Election. And that means some politicians have their eyes set on the Oval Office. With the Trump administration having some type of news-story every day it seems, many are ready to get him out.

And yes - I am looking at every young voter who is finally going to be eligible to vote - get out in 2020 and vote. But, who has their eyes on the prize so far? Who should we look for to possibly clinch the Democratic Nomination?

1. Joe Biden

I love Joe Biden, and according to the news, the former Vice-President is in the lead for being the potential Democratic Nominee in 2020.

In an Iowa Poll, Biden, O'Rourke, and Sanders are lead the Democratic caucus.

But, the real question is, is Biden wanting to?

2. Bernie Sanders

Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders is another one to keep an eye for come the 2020 elections. A favorite amongst young voters back in 2016, Sanders started what he called a "Revolution". He focused on the young voters, gaining the popular support for being the democratic nominee but lost to Hillary Clinton.

With the backing Sanders had in 2016, he is a top contender to run for 2020.

3. Beto O'Rourke 

One of the most heartbreaking races in the midterms, O'Rourke was a huge favorite down in Texas when running for Ted Cruz's seat in the Senate. One of the closet races down in Texas, O'Rourke loss struck the hearts of many back in November.

O'Rourke could easily become a top nominee come the 2020 elections- he still the hearts of many with his passion and work.

4. Cory Booker 

Senator Cory Booker said that over the Holidays he will be deciding if he will be running for the 2020 presidential election. Earlier this year he mentioned about running in 2020, but does he have enough backing to get him far in the game?

5. Elizabeth Warren

We have seen Senator Elizabeth Warren in action and is one of the Dems top tier progressives in their party's wing. Back in 2016, Warren had high odds of being President if she ran, but with recent controversies, her backing has slightly declined.

Could Warren pull off a 2020 win for the Dems?

The list if potential democratic nominees go on and on, but the top three contenders are the ones to keep on eye out for come 2019. Who will make the move first?

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How Foods Affect Your Moods

There's a strong connection between our gut and brain, and what you eat affects your mood!

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You've already heard that "you are what you eat," but did you ever think about how food affects your moods? It does, and there's even an entire new area of research called "nutritional psychiatry" that studies this "gut-brain" relationship.

So, what have we learned?

Well, we've learned that most of our serotonin (happy hormone) is actually in our gut, not our brain. Maybe that's why what we eat is now considered a "modifiable risk factor" for depression and anxiety.

That means a healthy diet is linked with a lower risk of mental health issues, and and vice-versa.

So, what should we eat to improve our mood and overall mental health?

A Healthy Diet Is Good for Your Gut & Brain

Well, that doesn't sound very sexy. Anyway, let's define what a "healthy" diet consists of. Basically, a healthy diet should include nutritious and fiber-dense foods for both gut and mental health.

Components of a healthy diet include: Fruits and vegetables, whole grains, legumes, nuts, and seeds, fish, poultry, lean red meat, eggs, and olive oil (not vegetable oil!)

A number of negative reviews online for commercial diets like Nutrisystem seem to have inspired them to focus more on gut health, resulting in increased fiber content in food and optional probiotics with their plans.

Fast Food Is Bad for Mental Health

Foods associated with poor mental health include: processed, sugary, salty, fried, high-fat foods, and sugary drinks. Wow, that pretty much describes the everything on the menu at Mickey-D's! And you thought that the worst thing fast food does is make you obese? No, fast food encourages anxiety and depression, too.

Ever drive through a bad neighborhood and notice how many fast food restaurants there are? The poor diet of people in these areas is directly responsible for both obesity and mental illness, making it even harder to climb out of poverty.

To Improve Your Mood, Skip the "Happy" Meals!

Oh, how I love irony!

Yes, even though ads for burgers, fries, and cola promise happiness, it's just the opposite. Fast food is bad for your mental health, (and clowns are scary!) so skip fast food altogether for better mental and physical health!

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