The Right Guy Doesn't Care If You're Skinny

The Right Guy Doesn't Care If You're Skinny

Other things matter more in the right relationship, and the idea that weight and body shape equals love is misguided.

178
views

I keep waiting for the day when "skinny" will lose its social equation to "beautiful." I keep waiting for magazine covers to show something besides a model with sultry lips, tight stomach, and calves the size of beanstalks.

I wished this even when I was thirteen and new to the world of social beauty. My wish didn't keep me--and 0.9% of American women--from developing anorexia at sixteen. Nor did it keep me from that longing many of us know well: to be thin.

I'm not saying that the entire beauty industry has eyes for skinny girls. Check out #aerieREAL, for example.

But I am saying most of the beauty industry is suggesting some dangerous stuff, such as the notion that you have to be skinny to be sexy, and that you have to be thin to be worthy of a partner.

You won't have to be skinny for the right guy, ladies. I promise.

Many partners prefer confidence to digits on a scale.

When I was fifteen, I asked a close guy friend what he found most attractive in women. (Naturally. I was hungry for this kind of knowledge).

His answer was immediate. "Confidence," he said. "Hands down."

I actually posed this question to multiple men and women in the subsequent decade and received the same answer, unanimously. I'm past the point where this stuns me. It makes sense.

Think about who is most likely to captivate you, romantically, sexually, or otherwise: someone striding into a room in a power pose, or someone who slinks in shyly, hunched over her own form?

We notice people who believe in themselves, and not just in a superficial, physical, or sexual way. I am most compelled to romantic partners who know themselves and own what they have. I only notice their body shape, in these cases, way after the fact, if at all.

The right guy will feel the same way. He won't be there peering over your shoulder as you weigh yourself. Nor will he urge you to squeeze into a size zero or eat less to preserve your figure. (Ew.)

The notion that body shape determines love (or sexual attention) is misguided--even dangerous.

This is a principle perpetuated by media and even by dating apps--endlessly. And it is utterly false.

Your body shape does not preclude a romantic relationship. Nor does it preclude respect, love, and even a healthy sex life.

Yet it is so easy to buy into this notion, even after a quick scroll through social media, a brief glance at the news. It is so easy to believe that our future "person" will only crave a woman with flawless skin and an A-cup.

Such thinking can compel dangerous behavior, including eating disorders, unhealthy dieting, self-mutilation, and even suicide.

And if you do meet a guy who prioritizes body shape over most anything else, run. He's not for you. Enough said.

How do we crawl out from under such messages that media sends our way? I admit this can be challenging. Experience, however, is the only answer. And I don't just mean finding someone to sleep with you. Venturing into the dating world and encountering other lovers, while intimidating, can offer abundant perspectives.

I, for one, have learned that--nearly ubiquitously--many men prefer a woman who doesn't fit the standard skinny mold. My current partner, for example, doesn't question my tummy flab, the jiggle in my thighs. He thinks--bless him--these are feminine staples. He doesn't want my hip bones to protrude any more than they do.

Who knew?

Besides, "Skinny," "Normal," and Even "Dieting" Isn't Hip Anymore

You may have noticed that there is a huge self-acceptance movement building. A few clues I've noticed lately are the incredible success of movies with an "acceptance" theme, like The Greatest Showman. In fact, the soundtrack, with (with a theme song, "This Is Me") is experiencing a historic run on the top of the Billboard charts accomplished only a few times in music history by names like the Beatles and Adele.

Did you notice that even Weight Watchers has changed their name and branding? Yes, they now cringe at being labeled as a "weight loss diet," (diets usually fail) and have evolved into, "WW Wellness" -- focusing more on health than weight. That's a pretty significant sign of the times, don't you think?

He may have insecurities too.

Body image is not exclusive to women. Gendered and non-gendered individuals also have, at bare minimum, some concept of how they look. It's only natural that some of us may nurse some healthy anxieties. You may not be the only one in a relationship fighting with a mirror. It's a human thing, not a female thing.

Recognizing that no one is exempt may help ease the pressure, just like an ice-breaker. Better yet, have a conversation with your partner about body image, positivity, and confidence.

Other things will matter more.

In the right relationship, you may find yourself stepping further and further away from that scale.

Sure, I still have those ugly stares with myself in the mirror, the ones where I feel frustrated with how I look. (Who doesn't?)

But these grow more infrequent the more I commit to a relationship, the more I immerse myself in it and honor it. This is because true commitment, in my eyes, merits self-love. And when I'm flying high in the self-love department, I could give a damn about my jean size.

Focusing on your partner, the health of your relationship, how to get to know your lover's language more -- these things will, you may find, matter more than anything else.

And that's when you may know it's right.

Popular Right Now

Hailey Miller's Debut Single Is 'The One'

"The One" is available now across all streaming platforms.

119
views

Being able to blend genres well is a true testament to a great artist, and Hailey Miller has done just that. Breaking onto the pop-country scene with her debut single "The One", the song speaks to the lessons that come out of unfortunate heartbreak, and definitely resonates with people going through one. I got the chance to talk with Hailey about her music, Nashville, and plans for the future:

1. What inspiration did you pull from to write "The One"?

"The One" was inspired by a relationship I was in. It was young love, not the healthiest relationship, and was dragged on for way longer than it should've been. I'd pretty much worked through all the heartbreak by the time it was fully over, and this song felt like the final piece to the puzzle. To acknowledge that some good came from the whole experience, and that lessons were learned. It just kind of poured out of me. It was exactly what I needed at the time. I wrote it and instantly felt peace. Like I could finally let it all go. It's a different kind of breakup anthem, and I hope that people can connect to it in the same way I did.

2. Do you tend to pull from personal experience to write or do you write using a third person perspective?

I definitely prefer to write from personal experience. I've written from a third person perspective, but it always feels more genuine for me to write about things I've been through first hand. It's just easier! It flows better, and feels more honest. Especially if I'm planning on using the song for myself. As an artist, I always want the truths I'm speaking to be genuine. I feel like people connect better that way. If I can't fully connect to the stuff I'm singing, how can I expect the listeners to? Personally, as an artist, the stories behind my songs are just as important to me as the song itself. That being said, if I can connect to someone else's experience deeply, writing third person can be just as fun!

3. What has your experience been like being a woman in the music industry?

You know, I don't have anything negative to say about my experience so far. I've felt respected as an artist from almost everyone I've personally come across in the industry. This being said, I'm very aware of the challenges females tend to face on a larger scale, especially in country. But I try to not let it phase me. In my mind, I'm just an artist…not a "female artist".

4. Growing up in Oregon, what/who inspired you to move to Nashville and write country music?

My earliest inspiration was definitely my aunt. She was singing country music professionally when I was super young, so I grew up seeing that and my family was super good about surrounding me with all sorts of music. My dad had this thing where he would always tell me to "listen to the words" and then at the end of the song I'd have to tell him what I thought it was about. It made me realize at a young age that music isn't just sound, it's stories. I fell in love with country music and its stories. Then came along these powerhouse female singer/songwriters…like Taylor Swift, and that was it. I knew it was something I wanted to do, and I knew Nashville was the place to do it. So, I learned the guitar, taught myself how to write, and made the move as soon as I possibly could! It's pretty much a 19 year old dream in the making at this point.

5. How has Nashville shaped your artistry and/or songwriting since moving there?

Nashville has already shaped my artistry and songwriting immensely. I think the biggest thing is being around so many talented artists and writers. It's super inspiring! Every time I go to a show or writer's round in town, I go home wanting to work even harder. That's the magic about Nashville. In a place where the industry could feel very competitive, the community is so amazing that instead of feeling intimidated, I feel inspired. I think that's so cool. Being able to learn your craft in an environment like that, where everybody is willing to collaborate and learn from each other. There's no room to sit still and not work hard. I think that alone has made me a better artist and writer. I've discovered my own unique writing style and sound, and can't wait to develop it even more.

6. What has your experience been like releasing your first single independently?

It's been amazing! I've had the best time with it. The process was so fun, and such a learning experience. Since it was my first release, I tried to go into it with little to no expectations and I've been blown away! The support I've received is beyond what I ever expected, and people are listening!! That's all I could've ever asked for. I think putting out music for any artist, independent or not, is always a little scary because there's this fear that people won't connect to such a personal part of you. There's so much work behind the scenes that goes into it. But it is so rewarding to read people's messages about how they connect or relate to the song. It's the best feeling in the world!

7. What are your future goals and aspirations within the music industry?

I ultimately just want to keep writing and putting out music that I love, and that other people love. Whether that's on a small scale level, or a larger scale. As long as I'm continuing to make music, I'm happy! That being said, I'd love to do some touring soon, and work towards my first EP/full length album.

8. Do you have plans to release new music soon?

Plans are in the works. I don't have a definitive date for you guys quite yet, but new music is on its way! I've been writing tons and I have some stuff that I'm dying to get out. I'd keep an eye out in the upcoming months for sure.

Listen to "The One" across all streaming platforms now and keep an eye out for future music from Hailey!


Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

5 Ways to Fight Fall Allergies Naturally

Sneezing in October? Here are some easy natural ways to fight allergies the natural way with no pills or medicines!

18
views

Spring is typically considered the season for allergies. However, fall, due to the high amount of vegetation and increase in humidity from rain, brings with it its own set of allergens, such as pollen, ragweed, dust mites, and outdoor mold spores. If you find yourself constantly sneezing, coughing and having a stuffy nose this time of year, try some natural remedies instead of heading to the pharmacy to pick up antihistamines.

Here are 5 of the most useful natural ways to fight allergies:

1. Minimizing exposure

Ever sleep with the window open and wake up with a sore throat? It might sound obvious, but avoiding exposure to triggers is the best way to avoid allergic reactions. Keep your windows closed to stop pollen and mold spores from coming inside.

Wash your clothes, shower and wash your hair if you've spent a lot of time outdoors where you could have picked up pollen. Finally, air purifiers and vacuum cleaners with HEPA filters will remove any allergens such as pollen, mold, and dust that have made it into your house.

*Tip: If you do buy the top-rated HEPA filters, they'll stop most of the allergens but might slow down your A/C flow in the Summer!

2. Anti-inflammatory diet

Allergies are inflammatory reactions to which certain people are more predisposed to than others. Eating a diet rich in foods that are anti-inflammatory can counteract this tendency. Omega 3 fatty acids, found in fish, nuts, and flax, have been shown to reduce the frequency of asthma attacks in people with allergies. Other anti-inflammatory foods include green tea, curcumin, dark chocolate, and most fruit and vegetables.

3. Probiotics

Allergies can be a strong sign that your immune system is out of balance. A good way to fix that is to eat fermented foods rich in probiotics such as yogurt, kimchi, sauerkraut, and kombucha.

Probiotics have been shown to have a number of health benefits including the ability to reduce the impact of seasonal allergies. Rich in friendly bacteria, these foods will help diversify your gut flora, which in turn will help balance your immune system and reduce the risk of allergic reactions.

4. Exercise

It might not sound fun to exercise if you have allergies, but moderate to intense exercise for 30 minutes 3-5 times a week has been shown to have strong anti-inflammatory effects, reducing the risk of allergies and asthma attacks. Plus, regular exercise provides a host of other physical and mental health benefits including Vitamin D exposure.

If exercising outdoors increases exposure to allergens such as pollen and mold spores, it might be better to work out at home or in a gym until symptoms are reduced. *There's a surprising amount of pollen in areas you might not expect it, like in the city or even at the beach!

5. Local Honey

Immunotherapy is the process of exposing someone to a small amount of allergen, with the purpose of reducing their sensitivity to it and preventing future allergic reactions.

Eating large amounts of local raw honey, which contains diverse types of pollen, has been shown to help desensitize people with hay fever. It is crucial that the honey you eat was produced in the area where you live, and that it is raw. Pasteurized supermarket honey will not work, and forget that cheap stuff that's been boiled or imported from China!

Fighting Allergies Without Pills

If you like to spend a lot of time outdoors in the fall biking, walking, or apple-picking, allergies to pollen and mold spores can ruin your fun. Minimizing exposure to these allergens when indoors can help. Also, simple life changes such as exercising more, eating a diet that is high in anti-inflammatory omega 3 fatty acids, and consuming probiotics, can reduce your chances of having allergic reactions.

Related Content

Facebook Comments