Saturday, December 17th at 3:00pm, the ceremony will begin. The ceremony that is going to change my life. The ceremony I've worked so hard to be a part of. The ceremony that will make me a college graduate. While I'm excited I'm also terrified. This is a huge deal, it's not the same as graduating high school.
With so much uncertainty, my anxiety has been a little high. I've never been good with change and uncertainty. I need at least a hint of what's to come to keep my mind at ease, but I don't have that this time.
I'm terrified that I will have wasted thousands of dollars and the last four years of my life. I am terrified that I won't get a job or that I'll get stuck doing something that I don't enjoy. I am terrified that I will loose who I am.
If I'm not a tired, broke, busy college student then who am I? A successful, smart, and independent woman? A broke, struggling college grad? I just don't know. It's hard for me to fully come to terms with the fact, that my routine is getting ready to be disrupted and completely remade. Not to mention I am awful at interviews and I'm a getting a B.A. in communication studies. I even have evidence from my strengths test-- I love tests that tell you about yourself. Here is one of my strengths, positivity, from the CliftonStrengths test from Gallup, inc. This test tells you so much about yourself, it's crazy.
"They often are willing to help whenever you ask. By nature, you are viewed as a happy, lively, and animated person — but the fun ends abruptly when others expect you to begin casual conversations or initiate formal discussions. Usually, you feel relieved the moment someone else volunteers to get everyone talking. Driven by your talents, you are keenly aware of the needs and desires of people. These insights allow you to freely share your knowledge, skills, experiences, and expertise with many individuals."
The thing is that I'm really not even sure what I want to do, but what I do know is that I;m ready to jump in and try things out. I'm ready to try different jobs with my communications degree and learn as much as I can and to figure out what I want to do. I've been praying for guidance pretty much all semester and I haven't received that big sign I've been asking for but I do have faith that God has been guiding me this whole time.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's OK to feel scared and not as excited as everyone expects you to be. Graduating college is huge milestone and a big step into the real adult world. So whether you're graduating this semester or next, just remember that you are entitled to and will probably have a whirlwind of feelings, but don't forget to proud of yourself at the end of the day you have accomplished something huge!