I read an article on the things that you MUST DO to have a successful fall. They included the cliché things that I always look forward to doing in the fall but rarely ever do. This year I made it my mission to do these things and found the hard truth to how they are nothing like the cute cliché pictures look.

1. The Pumpkin Patch

When referring to pumpkin patch I’m not talking about the ones where they are all lined up nicely for you (not even in the “patch”) to pick which one you like. I am talking about a real pumpkin patch where they take you out there and let you pick your own growing from the ground. TIP: if you want to take cute pictures like we did do this BEFORE you go to the actual patch because you will get dirty and you will, if living in Alabama like me, get sweaty because it was so unbearably hot the week before Halloween that we went. We soon figured out that actual pumpkin picking is not our forte and that it is hard work.

2. Pumpkin carving

So, when you get the pumpkins the next fun thing to do is to carve them. Now, to be fair, this one wasn’t as bad as picking the pumpkin but, definitely not as fun and cute as it seems. This was a lot. of. work. I mean I don’t know if its because I have zero arm strength but my pumpkin was very hard to carve with the little tools I bought and if you have a texture problem like me then getting the guts out of the pumpkin will be very difficult.

3. Go for a Hayride

Every time I see pictures of this, I think about how it looks like such a cute and fun time. Luckily they had one at the pumpkin patch I went to so I could finally fulfill my fun fall checklist. Yet another disappointment that is very itchy, bumpy and where I was, filled with screaming kids. I don’t know if it was just our driver but I was holding on to the hay for dear life. I honestly thought I was going to fall into the middle of the hayride every time we took a curve. The only thing I took from this experience was itchy legs and a bunch of chigger bites.

4. Go to the Fair

The fair is always portrayed to be a romantic thing for couples to do in the fall, taking cute pictures on rides and eating cotton candy. The fair was kind of fun but not romantic. I have always loved in movies when the adoring couple rides the fairest wheel seeming like they are having the time of their lives and then the guy wins one of the games giving her the stuffed animal with a big romantic kiss. This is how I imagined the fair would be.

First off, it is a huge rip-off — you either buy the expensive armband and hope you like the rides or pay individually and spend up even more on only a few rides. Either way, there is no way to save money at the fair. The armbands don’t cover any of the games, so if you want to try and fulfill that “romantic experience,” then be prepared to spend.

Now, as far as the rides go, the fairs wheel no matter how badly I wanted it to be romantic was boring and kind of a waste of money. The other rides were pretty fun but as far as romance goes if you like being thrown around violently barely strapped in and hoping not to die then sure. The games were also not romantic and would frankly be weird if you started making out after winning something. Which, of course, will not happen 'til you have paid about fives time to play — of course, spending more money on a bear you could have paid $5 for at the dollar store.

5. Haunted House

Yet another supposedly romantic fall thing to do. Granted, I am so not into horror and am a big scaredy cat. But, other than me being a wimp the haunted house was in no way romantic. It seems like every year the people who have a significant other can’t wait to go to the haunted house and take a cute photo before. Now I realize why they never take one afterward. You look like a hot mess and have probably done more running than you did the whole year.

I imagined my boyfriend and I walking through the haunted house, me holding onto him being all romantic and occasionally scared like in the movies… Absolutely not, from the running and the CONSTANTLY being scared there isn’t time to cuddle up or even think about anything other than running for your life. If you think your partner will be impressed by how loud you can scream and how fast you can run then this is for you.