With last night’s mascara gluing your eyelashes together, your eyes do anything but flutter open when you realize you have no idea where you are or who’s laying on the bed next to you. You check the time on your phone (seven in the morning) and look through last night’s photos as everything comes back to you. You remember going home with the “not awful looking” guy from the club. He’s still asleep, thankfully, but you’re awake and need to plan an escape. It’s too early for people to be up on a Sunday morning, but you text your friends anyway to ask for a ride back home. Not only do you not want to make small talk with this guy when he eventually wakes up, but you desperately need to brush your teeth. You make a mental note to keep a travel sized toothbrush in your purse the next time you go out.

After trying to go back to sleep for half an hour to no avail, you pull a Bridesmaids move and slip out of the bed to find the bathroom. Maneuvering around his room is difficult, but you finally arrive at the promised land and are horrified when you look in the mirror. Your lips are dried from dehydration, your eyeliner is completely smudged, and your hair is a rat’s nest. You admire the hickey you find on your neck before realizing that you have a presentation in a few hours and will have to do some major covering.

You use his mouthwash, and are actually very impressed that he even has mouthwash. That shows that he cares about his teeth, and if he cares about his teeth, maybe he cares about other things too, like true love and chivalry. The fantasy shatters when your eye catches a poster of a naked girl hanging on the wall, but you acknowledge that she does have a pretty good rack.

Before leaving the bathroom, you pee for what feels like half an hour and pray that all you do is pee, and your way back to the bed. He still hasn’t woken up (thank you, God) and your friend texted you back that she’d come rescue you (God pulling through, always). You scan the room for your clothing and find everything but your underwear, and are secretly a little upset, because it was a really cute thong. To make up for it, you keep the shirt he lent you to sleep in, because that’s only fair. Wearing only your new t-shirt and holding your clothes from last night in one hand and your heels in the other, you look like a poster child for one night stands. You hobble across the street to your friend’s car and treat her to breakfast for picking you up, because you’d rather start the morning by dishing about last night with your girlfriend than having awkward morning sex with a “not awful looking” guy.