I, 100%, believe you can manifest your own reality. It's disturbing how "feelings" quickly go from scenarios that we create in our heads to a toxic reality.
When I was really sick, I could think of countless reasons to hate myself. It felt like those reasons were piling up and barricading me into my own personal prison of self-disgust. But as I have continued my journey to be stronger than my eating disorder, I am learning that if can convince myself, with the power of my mind, that these feelings are all valid, I can also convince myself that I am actually sufficient, capable, competent, enough, strong and qualified. This power lies in recognizing the difference between feeling and knowing.
Knowledge is constant while feelings vary based on circumstance. I know my best friend loves me even when she doesn't text me back. I may, for a moment, feel like she doesn't care about what I have to say because of the circumstance. But that doesn't change what I know to be true. My best friend loves me.
Being "feelings driven" is a dangerous way to live. It led me to become an empty and shallow version of myself. I was unhealthy and dissatisfied. But I found new life after deciding not to let the way I feel dictate what I knew is true.
If feelings change so often, how can they hold such power over us? Surely they must play some sort of significant role in our lives. Of course they do. Feelings provide us with the opportunity to act. They show us that something might need to change. Typically, we want it to change as soon as possible. If you're feeling bored, you text or call your friends. If you're feeling hungry, you go get food. Feelings give us the opportunity to react. These reactions can affect you positively or negatively. The important thing to remember is that, when you are prompted with a feeling, you always get decide the reaction.
When I was sick, I was very familiar with feeling "gross", "fat", "uncomfortable", and other untrue ways to describe my physical appearance. The reaction that came with that feeling wreaked havoc on me mentally and physically. I could not get through a day of meals without feeling extreme guilt. This guilt was overbearing and it would not go away until I responded with my trigger reaction. Even with these rash and dangerous choices I was making, one thing remained constant. I never felt the way I wanted to. I did not feel beautiful. I did not feel strong. I woke up every single day without any change.
When you are prompted with a feeling that deserves a reaction, make it a beneficial one. I still have many moments when I feel bad about the way I look. Only now, my language about it has changed. I don't take that feeling as an opportunity to hurt myself. Instead, I write about it, call a friend, pray and ask God to help me see myself as He sees me or even just distract myself from the thoughts with some TV.
I cannot count on feelings to fuel my thoughts and take over my mind. Because even though they can bring about the right kind of actions, they have the power to bring you a world of trouble. Acknowledge your feelings. They're there for a reason. Welcome the good feelings, don't be afraid of the negative ones. Just be ready with what you know to combat them. Remind yourself with the truth about who you are constantly, making it your first language. Feelings are temporary and based on circumstance.
Think of the feeling you get when you are so tired after a long and busy day. What comforts you? Knowing the fact that when you get home, you will be able to sleep. You know you will be okay. This same practice of comforting yourself with the truth can and should be done with any negative feeling. Knowing that you will not feel that way forever can protect you from dangerous reaction, whatever it may be. Let it remind you that the temporary state of discomfort, pain, or dissatisfaction, will eventually go away and you will be feeling another way once again.
Feelings are fleeting and changing. They are here one second and gone the next. So to put something so valuable, like your worth or your future, in something so fickle, just sounds foolish. Use feelings for what they are for: to inspire change. What I know is that I AM STRONG even on the days I feel weak, I AM BRAVE even on the days I feel afraid, I AM CAPABLE even on the days I feel unfit for my calling. Any feelings that are not driving me to truth don't stand a chance against what I know.