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Help, I Have A Lot Of Feelings

Finding Purpose in All Those Feelings

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I, 100%, believe you can manifest your own reality. It's disturbing how "feelings" quickly go from scenarios that we create in our heads to a toxic reality.

When I was really sick, I could think of countless reasons to hate myself. It felt like those reasons were piling up and barricading me into my own personal prison of self-disgust. But as I have continued my journey to be stronger than my eating disorder, I am learning that if can convince myself, with the power of my mind, that these feelings are all valid, I can also convince myself that I am actually sufficient, capable, competent, enough, strong and qualified. This power lies in recognizing the difference between feeling and knowing.

Knowledge is constant while feelings vary based on circumstance. I know my best friend loves me even when she doesn't text me back. I may, for a moment, feel like she doesn't care about what I have to say because of the circumstance. But that doesn't change what I know to be true. My best friend loves me.

Being "feelings driven" is a dangerous way to live. It led me to become an empty and shallow version of myself. I was unhealthy and dissatisfied. But I found new life after deciding not to let the way I feel dictate what I knew is true.

If feelings change so often, how can they hold such power over us? Surely they must play some sort of significant role in our lives. Of course they do. Feelings provide us with the opportunity to act. They show us that something might need to change. Typically, we want it to change as soon as possible. If you're feeling bored, you text or call your friends. If you're feeling hungry, you go get food. Feelings give us the opportunity to react. These reactions can affect you positively or negatively. The important thing to remember is that, when you are prompted with a feeling, you always get decide the reaction.

When I was sick, I was very familiar with feeling "gross", "fat", "uncomfortable", and other untrue ways to describe my physical appearance. The reaction that came with that feeling wreaked havoc on me mentally and physically. I could not get through a day of meals without feeling extreme guilt. This guilt was overbearing and it would not go away until I responded with my trigger reaction. Even with these rash and dangerous choices I was making, one thing remained constant. I never felt the way I wanted to. I did not feel beautiful. I did not feel strong. I woke up every single day without any change.

When you are prompted with a feeling that deserves a reaction, make it a beneficial one. I still have many moments when I feel bad about the way I look. Only now, my language about it has changed. I don't take that feeling as an opportunity to hurt myself. Instead, I write about it, call a friend, pray and ask God to help me see myself as He sees me or even just distract myself from the thoughts with some TV.

I cannot count on feelings to fuel my thoughts and take over my mind. Because even though they can bring about the right kind of actions, they have the power to bring you a world of trouble. Acknowledge your feelings. They're there for a reason. Welcome the good feelings, don't be afraid of the negative ones. Just be ready with what you know to combat them. Remind yourself with the truth about who you are constantly, making it your first language. Feelings are temporary and based on circumstance.

Think of the feeling you get when you are so tired after a long and busy day. What comforts you? Knowing the fact that when you get home, you will be able to sleep. You know you will be okay. This same practice of comforting yourself with the truth can and should be done with any negative feeling. Knowing that you will not feel that way forever can protect you from dangerous reaction, whatever it may be. Let it remind you that the temporary state of discomfort, pain, or dissatisfaction, will eventually go away and you will be feeling another way once again.

Feelings are fleeting and changing. They are here one second and gone the next. So to put something so valuable, like your worth or your future, in something so fickle, just sounds foolish. Use feelings for what they are for: to inspire change. What I know is that I AM STRONG even on the days I feel weak, I AM BRAVE even on the days I feel afraid, I AM CAPABLE even on the days I feel unfit for my calling. Any feelings that are not driving me to truth don't stand a chance against what I know.

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To My Best Friend Who Taught Me What True Friendship Is, I Can't Thank You Enough

"To the person who will love you endlessly, love her with kindness and understanding."
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Dear Best Friend,

You have been a part of my life for quite some time now. You have seen my good, bad, and ugly sides and have stuck by my side through it all. I don't know if I could ever find the words to truly thank you for everything your friendship has given me, but I am definitely going to try.

Our lives have taken some twist and turn these past few years, but we have stayed strong through it all.

Thank you for judging me just the right amount.

Throughout our friendship, I have made some very questionable decisions. A lot of people would say "thanks for never judging me," but I feel like everyone needs a best friend who's going to tell them how it is, to tell them when they are about to make a bad decision or how to avoid something worse from happening. You have always told me how it is (even when I don't always want to hear it), but I know that I can come to you whenever I need someone to set me straight.

You're always down to do nothing with me.

I think that you are the one person that I can call up to hang out and do absolutely nothing with and have a good time. From the nights sitting in and playing card games to ordering Chinese food and watching an entire Netflix series while I dance around with the cat: I know that we could do anything, and nothing together and it would be fun.

But also, you're always down to get lit with me.

I swear one day we will be two old moms at a bar drinking vodka crans and laughing about the stupid shit our husbands and children do. You're always down to go out and have a good time. Even if everyone else we're with is miserable, we find a way to laugh at ourselves.

You are one of the few constant things in my life.

I've lost a lot of friends in my life, but you have stayed by my side through everything. I can't remember the last time we actually fought about anything, but even when we do we can't stay mad at each other for more than a day. I know we will be in each other's lives until we literally keel over.

I want you yo know that you're the strongest person I know.

You've dealt with things that not many people go through ever in their life. You have always been so mature, and you handle everything with grace. You inspire me every day with your goals and successes and I am so proud of you and all of your accomplishments.

Above all else, you deserve the world.

It's so easy to get caught up in your own mind and think that you deserve the things that happen to you, but please know that the only thing you deserve is happiness. Please settle for nothing short of that. It may take a bit to find your happiness, but I will be there every step of the way. You're a remarkable human being, and I want nothing but the best for you.

To the person who will hold your heart someday, please do not break it. To the person who may wrong you, you will regret it forever. To the person who will love you endlessly, love her with kindness and understanding.

You, my best friend, future bridesmaid, godmother of my children, the person to bail me out of jail, the one who lets me cry on their couch for twelve hours,

I love you.

I will cherish our friendship forever. Thank you for being you.

Love always,

Your best friend.

Cover Image Credit: Adriana Ranieri

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Being The Last Friend To Turn 21 Isn't ALL Bad

All your friends have turned 21, but that is okay

Cassidy
Cassidy
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You may think being the last one out of your friend group to turn twenty-one is the worst thing in the world, but in all honesty, it doesn't have to be. One of the biggest perks is that everyone of your friends can go out to the bars with you on your birthday. All the people who turn twenty-one first have to wait for people to be able to go out with them, but you get to celebrate your birthday with all of your friends.

Another huge reason you should feel okay with being last to turn twenty-one is thinking about all the money you are saving. The bars are expensive. When you don't go to the bars you are saving so much money because an average bar drink is about seven dollars. This being said seven dollars multiple times a night, multiple nights a week really adds up, so you are going to have to budget your money better.

You don't have to be the one to buy alcohol for everyone else. Having a ton of people ask you to buy them alcohol must get annoying at a point, and if you're the youngest out of your friends, no one will be asking you to do liquor store runs for them because they can all go already for themselves.

The biggest reason is that you can enjoy being young. You should still continue to enjoy going to house parties and just being able to hang out with friends without having to go to the bars. Spend these months before you turn twenty-one just being able to enjoy life without feeling obligated to go out to the bars all the time. You have a great excuse when you don't want to drink on a weekday to just stay in. This being said it will be your turn to turn twenty-one soon.

Cassidy
Cassidy

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