lying problem

The Problem With Lying

From the perspective of the most blunt person that I know.

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I am quite possibly the most honest person in the universe. I am so honest that it almost rubs people the wrong way. Confrontational might as well be my middle name. I say what's on my mind and I don't always say it gracefully. And in my almost 19 years of living, I've come to realize that most people absolutely hate this. It's why a lot of girls hate being friends with me and why a lot of boys do like being friends with me. It's why some of my boyfriend's friends really don't like me. It's why more often than not I make a terrible first impression in social situations while simultaneously being the reason why I have absolutely obliterated (in a good way) every job interview I've ever been in. But, I've made the conscious decision in not changing this aspect of myself and my terribly blunt personality is something I take pride in.

Why?

I absolutely hate lying. I find it one of the most inconvenient things people do. Maybe it's because I'm impatient and I want to solve problems quickly and efficiently. It's also partially because I find that lying takes more energy than not lying. I find it incredibly difficult to hold onto something that's really been bothering me and more often than not, it isn't even in my favor to lie.

The biggest reason why I hate lying is because I seriously hate being lied to. I know this is a super common pet peeve but I think I hate it on a different level. I take most things well. There are few things that someone can tell me, as long as it's honest, that will make me so pissed that I can't even look at them anymore. The few times in my life where I've felt real betrayal was when someone hid something from me. Like when the time this guy in my life did something really shitty but didn't say anything about it until literal (not the millennial use of literal, the real use of literal) months later. What he did was on my top 10 worst things people have ever done to me list, a line crossed, but I think what really made it worse is that he didn't even have the balls to own up to it.

There have only been a few occasions in my life in which lying to me or others is actually helpful. Like when I was a kid and my mom told me the food would be ready in a few minutes when in reality it would be ready in like thirty. A real parenting move because I would totally lose track of time and the thirty minutes would actually feel like a few. Or when my acne was terrible and my parents told me I was still cute, even though I can promise you I wasn't. But more often than not, lying usually makes the other person look foolish.

Think about it. Your friend looks absolutely stupid in the outfit they picked out. They ask you how they look and you tell them they look great because they seem so excited about the outfit. They walk out of the house looking like an idiot, and you let them. That's cruel. I would only do that to someone I actually don't care about.

Okay, how about something deeper? Like, for example, you're super pissed about something your friend keeps doing. And when asked about it, you say it's fine and your friend believes you. Instead of saying something, you let it boil over until you chew them out about it and your poor friend had absolutely no idea what was going on.

Most of us are under the impression that lying helps to protect ourselves and others around us. The whole concept of the "white lie" is something that a lot of people live by. But I ask you to question how many times lying actually did that for you. How many times did you lie and think "wow, that was really in my favor" and it didn't backfire in your face? I bet you five dollars, that I don't actually have, that out of the probably millions of times you have lied by now, under 20% were actually in your favor. That's a poor statistic.

I recognize that this specific personality trait of mine can be viewed as problematic or even confusing to a lot of people. But, I will say that it's made me feel way more at peace. Not having to hide my truths, has lifted an incredibly large source of anxiety off my shoulders. I wouldn't say I'm an expert at making friends or anything but maybe if we were all a little more honest (probably not as honest as me, it's gotten to a point of fault now), our relationships with other people would be a little more solid.

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The Truth About Young Marriage

Different doesn't mean wrong.
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When I was a kid, I had an exact picture in my mind of what my life was going to look like. I was definitely not the kind of girl who would get married young, before the age of 25, at least.

And let me tell you, I was just as judgmental as that sentence sounds.

I could not wrap my head around people making life-long commitments before they even had an established life. It’s not my fault that I thought this way, because the majority opinion about young marriage in today’s society is not a supportive one. Over the years, it has become the norm to put off marriage until you have an education and an established career. Basically, this means you put off marriage until you learn how to be an adult, instead of using marriage as a foundation to launch into adulthood.

When young couples get married, people will assume that you are having a baby, and they will say that you’re throwing your life away — it’s inevitable.

It’s safe to say that my perspective changed once I signed my marriage certificate at the age of 18. Although marriage is not always easy and getting married at such a young age definitely sets you up for some extra challenges, there is something to be said about entering into marriage and adulthood at the same time.

SEE ALSO: Finding A Husband In College

Getting married young does not mean giving up your dreams. It means having someone dream your dreams with you. When you get lost along the way, and your dreams and goals seem out of reach, it’s having someone there to point you in the right direction and show you the way back. Despite what people are going to tell you, it definitely doesn’t mean that you are going to miss out on all the experiences life has to offer. It simply means that you get to share all of these great adventures with the person you love most in the world.

And trust me, there is nothing better than that. It doesn’t mean that you are already grown up, it means that you have someone to grow with.

You have someone to stick with you through anything from college classes and changing bodies to negative bank account balances.

You have someone to sit on your used furniture with and talk about what you want to do and who you want to be someday.

Then, when someday comes, you get to look back on all of that and realize what a blessing it is to watch someone grow. Even after just one year of marriage, I look back and I am incredibly proud of my husband. I’m proud of the person he has become, and I’m proud of what we have accomplished together. I can’t wait to see what the rest of our lives have in store for us.

“You can drive at 16, go to war at 18, drink at 21, and retire at 65. So who can say what age you have to be to find your one true love?" — One Tree Hill
Cover Image Credit: Sara Donnelli Photography

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If Shonda Can Do A Year Of Yes, Then So Can I

Yes.

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views

A few years ago, Shonda Rimes decided to do a year of saying yes, after her sister told her she says "No" to everything. It ended up changing her life.

So, I've decided to embark on my own year of yes.

Sure, it may be easy to say yes to everything when you're a millionaire with a bunch of record-setting televisions shows, but the rest of us can do it too.

Say yes to treating yourself.

Say yes to taking care of yourself.

Say yes to saying no, don't stretch yourself too thin.

Say yes to new opportunities

The year of yes is about taking better care of yourself.

My year of yes starts right now.

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