I am a textbook people-pleaser.
As corny as it sounds, when everyone’s happy, I’m happy. I’m more relaxed and at ease.
I never thought that being a people-pleaser was a problem until high school.
I noticed that some people were constantly taking advantage of my kindness and somehow I was always the one who ended up hurt.
My childhood best friend was the biggest culprit. She would only want to hang out with me when she wanted something from me. It took me years to realize that she was taking advantage of me. The truth was, she never truly valued my friendship. She would be my best friend when she needed help studying, or needed a confidence booster and then she would disappear from my life when she had other plans, leaving me heartbroken.
That’s when I learned the power of the word no.
I’m also a non-confrontational person so I always struggled saying no to anyone, let alone the people I cared about. Over time, I learned that there is nothing wrong with saying no to someone.
It’s okay to have a different opinion. It’s okay to not want to do something your friends are doing. It’s okay to just say no.
The more comfortable I’ve gotten with “no” the happier I am. I feel that I’m more comfortable with who I am as a person because I can tell people no.
When I was first figuring all of this out, I was tested. It was “unlike” me to say no so people assumed I didn’t mean it. They would ask me, “are you sure?” and I would always have to reply, “yes, I’m sure”. It was important for me to stand my ground.
No means no. It’s that simple.
In college, I’ve had to stand my ground with so many other problems. No, I don’t want to go to a party. No, I’m not interested in you. No, I don’t like that type of music.
This is not to say I only say the word no but I think if you’re a non-confrontational people-pleaser like myself, no is an important word to add to your vocabulary. It’s better than stressing yourself out because you’re trying too hard to please everyone.
More importantly, when you say no, people will begin to value your yes.