James 5:16: "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."
You know that feeling when you’re waiting on a call from a boy that you like because he said he was going to come and pick you up and take you to a movie that night, and then he doesn’t call?
And how pathetic you feel when you send him a nudge text to see what’s going on, and he blows you off, for the third time in two weeks?
You know how it makes you wonder what’s wrong with you, and why you’re not worth pursuing, or even spending time with?
Yeah. That’s where I was.
That stormy evening, I got home from the library, threw my backpack down in frustration, and stomped up the stairs to my room. The tears were already streaming when I threw myself on my bed, and I started to sob. It wasn’t just the fact that I had been blown off for the umpteenth time by some stupid boy that I had been crushing on for a couple of months—what broke me was the weight of my constant rejection by boys, the fear of missing out on love (which I’ve never experienced), and the consequential loneliness that I’ve experienced for years. I bawled loud, and hard enough for it to hurt.
Entrenched in my misery, with my face buried in my pillow, I heard my door click open, and footsteps patter in. A hand touched my back, and I heard my best friend and roommate Taylor ask quietly, "Can I pray over you?”
A snotty puffy eyed me rolled over, and she took my hands and closed her eyes. “God, I just ask that you heal her hurt. God, make it known to her that she is already so loved, by You and by us, Dad. Give her peace, help her to rest in that. We love you. Amen.”
Instantly a weight was lifted off of my shoulders, and I thanked her profusely as I dried my eyes. I had never had a friend pray over me like that before, and was grateful for the fact that she knew that prayer and godly relationships were ultimately what I needed—not some dumb boy.
That night shifted my definition of friendship. When I was too weak to cry out to God, Taylor did it for me. That’s real friendship. That’s a godly relationship. That’s true love.
Since then, I’ve realized that my most intimate relationships and friendships have been with the people that I can count on to be praying for me, and that I pray for as well. My core group of friends communicates daily about our trials (usually via text or Snapchat), and we are constantly praying for and encouraging each other. Through this, we are strengthening our relationships, because we are incorporating God into them.
It’s one thing to pray alone, conversationally, talking to God about your heart. That is one of the most important parts of being a Christian. But prayer has a role in relationships, too. Saying "I'm praying for you" is beautiful and powerful, but asking "how can I pray for you" goes even further. It's more involved, making their cause yours as well. And if someone is willing to plea your case to God, that’s something else.
Think in terms of the love languages, which are categories of expressions of love. Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book about what he defines as the 5 Love Languages: words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, quality time, and receiving gifts. Those expressions of love cover physical, mental and emotional needs. But I think that prayer can be considered another love language, because it covers you spiritually. To have relationships and friendships which cover me physically, mentally, emotionally, AND spiritually—that’s awesome. Knowing that I have people praying for me makes me feel truly loved, because when you’re actively praying for someone, you are actively loving that person.
Incorporating prayer into your relationships can be awkward at first—it’s a risk to ask someone to pray for you, or to ask how you can pray for them. It shows vulnerability, and I think often times people are afraid to ask for prayer because they're afraid they'll seem obnoxious or needy. But prayer is an everyday basic need. Conquer the fear of asking for it. I don't want the prayer in my life to be formal, strictly at the dinner table or before bedtime—I want it to be so frequent that it’s casual. And in my relationships, I want “how can I pray for you" to be as easy to ask as "have you eaten yet?”
As I grow in Christ, I am going to continue to surround myself with people who have my back in prayer. And I know when I meet the right boy, praying with him will become as easy as breathing. Until then, I am satisfied with the loving and supportive friendships that I have, because I know that they have my back and that Jesus has us covered on all bases.