I really shouldn’t be writing this. Because, when you look at my track record, I’m really the worst at saying “no” to things that I don’t necessarily want. Sometimes I have a different preference, but I just want to make things easier or make other people happy. Sometimes I am an opportunist and never want to limit myself to a possible great experience. And sometimes, I just don’t know what I want, so I go along with the crowd. But I’ve learned some things from this trial and error method of living. And that is, I want to learn how to say no without shame, without judgement, and without question.

As young people, we tend to all have a little bit of “FOMO” in us (fear of missing out, for those jumping on the train late). We want to be included in everything and dread the time that we will miss an event and hear stories of how great it was later. We do this in social situations and run ourselves ragged by trying to keep up with friends.

I also know many people who take on this same “opportunist” view on life when thinking about career opportunities as well. We tend to have the mindset if we don’t join every club, attend every meeting, and try every internship, that we will somehow be disadvantaged.

At the end of the day, I know very few people who enjoy being this busy. Instead, as we talk to our friends, we tend to have the same conversation. “Oh hey, how are you?” “So stressed, I’m so busy.” “Oh, I know, me too! I haven’t gotten over 4 hours of sleep in a week.” This should send up red flags about our lifestyle habits, because it means that we need to cut something out.

I’m incredibly guilty of having the FOMO mindset and I tend to over involve myself and end up really unhappy. I’m also incredibly guilty of being a people pleaser and saying yes to make things easier. When we do this, though, we lose a lot of our power and sense of self. Sometimes, I think to myself, “Wow, what do you really want?” I will get so caught up in the game of making others happy that I’ve completely forgotten the things that make me happy.

Well, I’m here to free us from the lie that 'no' is a negative word. I’m not saying that we should never take any opportunity or that we should only live selfish lives, but there has to be a better balance. If you relate to any of the above situations, I’m here to tell you to free yourself from saying yes. In the few times I actually succeeded at stating my opinion, it was the most liberating experience. I felt free, I felt empowered, and I felt like me.

At the end of the day, your friends will love you even more for being your true self and sharing your opinion (If they don’t, then they just suck). And yeah, you might miss out on one good night, but there will be more and it won’t make you less of a part of your group for missing out! Your career will still work out if you miss a club meeting to get dinner with your best friend.

I have a feeling I’m still going to fail at this a lot, but it’s good to know how it feels when I do get it right. And with everything, the more you practice, the better you get. Always remember to be kind and polite, but be yourself! Uniqueness of opinion is something to be celebrated! Here’s to more “No’s!”