If someone I love hurts me, I write them a letter but never send it. This helps me think through my emotions and move on from the situation. When I was cheated on for the second relationship in a row, I wrote a letter to the girl I caught my boyfriend with.

As I read the original letter I didn’t even recognize myself, I was so full of anger and hatred for her I couldn’t even get through the entire page.

I decided to reverse the message, giving her my wishes for her as we move on from that time in our life. I surprised myself with the empathy I showed her the second time around, and it is worth sharing.

Here is my letter:

I should go on and on about how you ruined my life, how much hate and anger you put in my heart. You planted the worst image in my head lying next to my boyfriend that morning. Sometimes, I wish I caused more of a scene, making the situation more humiliating for you and less humiliating for me.

Thankfully for you, I’m not going to do that.

I’m writing this letter to show my gratitude for what you led me to realize about myself and my relationship. You brought light to situations in my relationship that were blinded by his manipulations and my own denial. You introduced me to the boy I was dating, only this time I saw his true colors. Without this (humiliating) realization I would have continued dating someone blindfolded to what was truly happening

I hope you find your self-worth, just as I did that day. I want you to know that you are so much more than what happened.

I hope you grow and come to realize that you don’t deserve to be labeled as the “girl I caught my boyfriend with.” That’s not your identity--I know you’re amazing and deserve to be known in a better way.

Your beauty and intelligence were thrown away when he chose you to simply prove a point to me, just to show the kind of person you were fighting me for. Being used as an object for a challenge is something I hope you never go through again.

I hope your self-esteem grows.

I hope you learn what love really is.

I hope you learn that you come first and you are deserving of something amazing; and I hope one day you find that.

You put me in a competition I never wanted to be in, but in the end, the prize went to both of us. I gained my freedom and hopefully you came out of this with something that only helps you grow.

He isn’t worth it; he never was and still isn’t.

In all sincerity, if it weren’t you it would have been someone else, and I am so deeply sorry he chose you.