I am the one you left behind. We shared a bathroom freshman year, an apartment fall semester of sophomore year — and now we no longer share the same earth. I still find it hard at times to realize you are gone. The world has lost part of its magic and glow since you are no longer here to brighten it with your smile. You would celebrate the smallest of wins and be there for me for the even smaller losses, your enthusiasm is gone.

I will never forget the moment you asked for my help. You were incredibly strong for realizing that you could no longer bear the weight of the world on your own. I created a quick fix with the rest of our roommates and then forgot to ask how you were. I feel like I could have been a better friend that I could have been there for you more. Why did I keep forgetting to make sure you were okay? Or did I just feel too uncomfortable I figured it would pass and everything would turn out fine? Now nothing is the same and I know I can never go back and what is done is done but I wish I could go back so I could be there for you more like I should have the first time around.

We may not have been best friends, but we were friends and you were the best and I thought you knew I cared for you along with all of our roommates. We all were there, and I wonder if you had stayed in the Spring would you have stayed on this earth? Forever will go by and my future children will only know you by the inspiration for the tattoo on my shoulder, by my crying every once in awhile. I will never be angry at you, rather at the world in which made you suffer so much you had to leave. I will forever be sad in the fact that you did leave. I will always be left with wondering if I sent a reply to that text would my children know who you are would my shoulder be left without a tattoo?

One of my greatest fears is losing all of my contacts because that means yours would be gone too. I know if I called your phone you would not answer, and I will never get to respond to the last text you sent me saying you would be back in the fall but scrolling by your name in my phone gives me a sense of security like you still are there and I will never be able to delete it since I will never be able to fully let you go.

I still smile and always will — you did not take the happiness out of me. Often when I do think of you, tears only come from laughing at the memories, but I still wish those tears could be laughing at the moments we are making right now. I have become stronger from this, not that I wanted to; I never wanted anyone's pity, but I wanted them to know about you! I am one the many you left behind. I am the one who will be stronger, but still sadder, without you here. I would like to hope we would have been friends forever and kept in touch but maybe we would've grown apart. . . I just wish we had a chance to find out.

I do not mean to be selfish because I know that I am not the only one you left behind. I know this is what you felt was right and the world was no longer a friend to you but it is now fall and you are not back.

If anyone is considering suicide please call the national suicide prevention lifeline 1-800-273-8255. There are going to be better days and do not make a friend the one you left behind.